


Along Came Olivia

by cjbloomfield



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: ...and there's a small bit of eleven you should probably skip too, Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Barson Nonetheless, Cheating, Divorce, F/M, Not all that angsty but I'll tag it anyway, Olivia has a bit of a potty mouth in this one, Olivia's Afraid of Commitment in this one, Opposites Attract, Rebound, Vulgar Language, based on a movie, sorry luisa...if you ever read this skip the end of chapter six and read the last few lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:59:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjbloomfield/pseuds/cjbloomfield
Summary: After spending 14 years with Yelina, Rafael finally gets the courage to marry her; without a worry in the world, he takes her on her dream vacation for their honeymoon. When Rafael is at his happiest his entire world comes crumbling down, and he is left with no option but to return to New York as a single man holding his bleeding heart in his hands.Can Rafael's best friend encourage him to ask out the hottest woman in the bar? What happens when Detective Olivia Benson says yes but turns out to be his polar opposite? An attorney who feels he has to be in control of every detail in his life crosses path with a passionate detective who lives in the moment, what will become of these two?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 278
Kudos: 153





	1. Heartbreak Hotel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our Livy love isn't in the first chapter, but she's in the second!

“Is it as beautiful as you always imagined?” Rafael glanced down lovingly at his wife of thirty-six hours.

“It’s even more beautiful, thank you Rafi!” She threw her arms around his neck, squealing in excitement.

“Anything for you, Lina.” He kisses the top of her head. He admired her tan lines, how they hid behind her pin-straight black hair. Her beauty was so much more than just her physical outward appearance, she had always been kind and giving, a bleeding heart that didn't know how to say no. Now she was his forever, and it was still hard to wrap his mind around. 

_Yelina Valentína Barba_

That name has such a ring to it. He’d loved Her since they were 14 years old, and finally at 19 after his first girlfriend Lauren had ripped his heart straight out of his chest, Yelina was there to pick up the pieces. They’d been together ever since. Now here they were at 33, out of law school with his dream job, purchased his first house, and now finally married to his childhood sweetheart. He didn’t think he could ask for anything more—his life was already some cliché romance novel. The farthest thing from his mind was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“We’re going deep-sea scuba diving right?” Her dark chocolate orbs eyes lit up.

“Um,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t remember signing up for that excursion.” Her face dropped, “Can’t we do something above sea level? You know I’m not athletic.” Rafael lies through his teeth when in actuality he hadn’t overcome his childhood traumas—maybe his father keeping his head underwater in the bathtub until he nearly passed out as a small boy was much different than willingly strapping on an oxygen tank and staying underwater for extended periods of time. But he still didn’t want to go. Rafael barely fancied the beach, he‘d go just for her, but this is where he drew the line.

“So we’re just supposed to cancel because you’re too afraid to have your head underwater?” That jab stung.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your eyes say enough. Those damn green things you have are so freaking expressive. You can’t hide anything from me.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Why are you so upset with me? We’re on our honeymoon in Bora Bora, is this really the place to pick a fight?” His green embers reflected the anger pulsing through his veins.

“Maybe it is!” She spits back.

“You know what? Just go!”

“Alone? On our honeymoon? Are you serious?” She pushed him away.

“What is it that you want me to do, Yelina? You want to go and I’m too chicken shit to go with you. So just go.” He rolled his eyes as the scuba instructor approached them.

“Rafael and Yelina? I’m Claude,” a slightly tanned and overly chiseled man approaches the newlyweds. He removes his sunglasses to sit on top of his unruly curls, revealing his crystal blue eyes.

“At any point to do you actually put on a shirt?” Rafael’s insecurities bubble up. Claude laughs at his question as if he were telling a joke. “No shirts necessary when you’re the king of scuba!” His thick French accent forces Rafael’s face to scrunch. “Are you two ready?”

“You know what? I think I'm gonna skip the scuba diving. It’ll just be the two of you this go around.”

“We're on our honeymoon. I'm not gonna go without you.” She speaks nearly venomously. 

“No! You've been wanting to try this. I want you to go, okay? Don’t let me ruin this for you.” He placates.

“No.” She rolls her eyes.

“It'll be fun. I'll pick you up like at 3 all right?” She nods, “I love you.” He calls out.

“I love you too.” A twinge of attitude lingering in her voice.

“Hey, listen, Claude, or whatever your name is, this woman means more to me than anything else in the world, so be careful because scuba diving can be very dangerous if the proper precautions aren't taken.” Rafael begins to ramble.

“Ninja, look to me in my eyeball. I promise you I take care of Yelina as if she were my own flesh and blood.” Rafael rolls his eyes, biting back his rude retort.

“Thank you.” He says between gritted teeth.

“Okay?” Claude raises an eyebrow in confirmation.

“Okay.” Rafael nods.

“Okay. Solid!” Claude pulls him in for a hug.

“Please get him off of me,” Rafael deadpans. “I’ll be in town running a few errands.” He tells his wife, she shoots him a tight-lipped smile nodding her head.

* * *

After an hour and a half of thinking about Yelina’s reaction, Rafael thought to himself maybe _he_ was overreacting. It is their honeymoon after all and it should be spent together even if he doesn’t go deep into the water.

Rafael made his way down to the dock, climbing onto the SS Claude Scuba King. “Lina?” Rafael calls as he ducks his head walking down the stairs. “Claude?” His suspicions heightened. “Guys?” Rafael knocks on the door as he hears glasses clashing against the hardwood floors and metals sliding and scraping against the ground. “Hey! What the hell is going on in here?” Rafael is stunned, not even in his wildest nightmares did he ever expect to see Yelina— his wife of fewer than forty-eight hours— screwing the scuba diving instructor she’d met less than two hours ago. “You’re that mad at me you go and fuck the first guy available to you?” He fumes.

“Look, ninja, we had a scuba, we talk about life, we drink some white wine. We cannot help it. It is like love at first sight. She makes like the fire in my trouser—“

“Firstly, don’t fucking call me that. Secondly, I don’t give a flying fuck about what led to this, you don’t go around screwing someone else’s wife.” The vein in his neck bulges.

“Rafi, what he's trying to say, is that we didn't plan it.”

“Rafi, it just...it happened.”

“Neither of you get to call me that—“

“It's like the story of the hippo.” Claude begins to speak again, much to Rafael’s dismay.

“I'm not familiar with that story,” Rafael says before turning on his heels, exiting the floating vessel.

“The hippopotamus, he is not born going, _‘Cool beans, I am a hippo.’_ So he tried to paint the stripe on himself to be like the zebra, but he fools no one.” Claude screams after him, he and Yelina hot on Rafael’s trail. “And then he tried to put the spot on his skin to be like the leopard, but everyone knows he is a hippo. So at a certain point, he looks himself in the mirror and he just say, _‘Hey, I am a hippopotamus, and there is nothing I can do about it.’_ And as soon as he accepts this, he lives life happy. Happy as a hippo. You understand?”

“I don’t give a flying fuck about you or your fucking hippos.” He elbows Claude away from him. “I hope you and the French boy are happy. I’m done. When you get the annulment, be sure to sign it.”

“Raf, please—“

“I don’t want to hear it. 14 years we spent together and they obviously meant nothing to you.” He shook his head.

“Raf, I’m sorry. I was caught up in the moment and I was confused. I was angry at you and Claude made me laugh and smile. One thing led to another. It meant nothing.” She pleads, grabbing at his arm. He'd always had a soft spot for Yelina, never able to hold his ground and remain angry with her, but she'd never hurt him this thoroughly before. He shrugged her grasp off, reveling in this betrayal.

“And now I’m mad at you. I don’t want to see you right now. So if you ever decide to return to New York, stay away from _my_ apartment and the house _I_ bought.”

“I’ll give you some time to cool off Raf, we can’t just throw away 14 years of our life.” She cried after him as he stomped away.

“Oh yeah? Watch me.” He mumbles to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea how long this will be but it won't be over 15 chapters but that may change over time. Gonna start by ballparking roughly 10 chapters.


	2. The First Encounter

“Come on, Raf. You have to get over her!” He plops down on the bed next to his depressed best friend.

“Eddie. You’re my closest and longest friend, ever. But you don’t get it.” Raf shoved his face into a pillow that smelled like her. “We were together for 14 years! I can’t just get over her!” He screeches his frustrations into the pillow she used to lay her head on at night.

Eddie pulls the pillow from his grasp, “And the best way to get over _her_ is to get _under_ somebody else!” Eddie shot to his feet, throwing the pillow to the ground. “That’s it we’re going into the city.”

“We are _not_ going into the city!”

“You work in Brooklyn and live in the Bronx! You’ve lived here your whole life. I think everyone in this damn Burrough knows about you and Yelina. You need some new ass to prey on!”

“Can you not speak about woman as if they’re animals or some piece of meat, it’s objectifying and disrespectful.” Eddie rolled his eyes at his best friend’s reoccurring admonishment.

“That’s exactly what you have to say to score yourself some pussy.”

“Eddie!”

“Get your ass up and get dressed, I’ve heard it all before.”

“It’s only been three and a half weeks. Don’t I get to grieve?” Rafael whined.

“Yeah, you sit there and grieve while Yelina fucks some French boy off the shore of Bora Bora, why don’t you?” Rafael sighed, his best friend had a point, while vulgarly stated, he still had a point nonetheless.

“Fine,” he sluggishly stood to his feet.

“Please give me some of that Cuban Daddy Swagger I know you have buried in there.” He shouted out to his friend who was standing in his walk-in closet. “That bitch used to dress you like a middle-aged father who went golfing just to avoid his wife and kids.” Eddie laughed at his own joke.

A few minutes passed, Eddie grew concerned by the silence—even the sound of shuffling hangers ceased. Venturing his way into the closet he saw Raf just standing in the middle of the room staring at her clothes neatly hung and color-coded in their closet.

“Sometimes I think I’ll be better without her, but then it hits me all at once how our lives have been intertwined together for the past 14 years. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers and now I’m supposed to just let that all go?”

“You aren’t letting that all go, _she_ threw it all away when she fucked some sunburnt chiseled French boy who probably had every STI in the book and will most likely break her heart while on a honeymoon with you. Don’t forget that you didn’t break the relationship. That was _all_ _her_.” Eddie pulled down a pair of black jeans, some cotton silk blend 3/4 rolled sleeved metallic gray collared button-down shirt, and his black loafers. “Now put this on and your best bachelor’s cologne.”

“Let me just go shave first,” He sighs walking toward the bathroom, Eddie blocks his pathway, shoving the clothes into his arms.

“Nah, don’t shave, you look hot with the beard.”

“Eduardo Garcia, are you coming onto me?”

“In your wildest dreams, man.” The two chuckled as Rafael walked toward the bathroom to get changed. “And you better leave that top button undone!” Rafael rolled his eyes, looking into the mirror, the shirt did justice for his chest outlining his pecks and accentuating the buffness of his forearms. Yelina hated this shirt, he thought—quickly pushing thoughts of her out of his mind.

“Eddie lets go before I change my mind and start to regret this.”

“The Uber is already waiting outside, bro.”

They took an Uber to the subway station, swiping their metro card, hopping on Line 2, and crossed on the A platform in order to get into the heart of Manhattan. The friends exited the subway station in Midtown walking several blocks, they entered the fourth bar they’d seen.

“Eddie, this is a cop bar.” He rolled his eyes.

“And what? Fine cops don’t exist? What’d you want a realtor bar? You want to find another Yelina?”

“No, but—“

“Shut the hell up there’s a hottie at 12 o’clock. She just sat down at the bar, go buy her a drink! Quick.” Eddie pushed Rafael in her direction.

Reluctantly, he stumbled onto the only open stool at the bar, which happened to be next to her.

“Hm, what can I get for you today sir?”

“I’ll have what she’s having.” He thumbed in the direction of the cute brunette with the bangs.

“You look like you’ve been through hell and back, get him an aged scotch, neat.”

“How’d you—“

“I’m a detective,” she smirked over at him.

“And I’m a prosecutor.”

“Well, I’ve never seen you before Mister Prosecutor. What division do you work for?”

“Sex crimes,” he sits up a little firmer.

“Impossible,” She lowers her glass back onto the counter, reaching for the peanuts in the bowl between them, “I’ve never seen you—I’ve worked SVU since ‘98.” She squints at him as she places the snack in her mouth, he can’t help but grimace.

“I work for the DA’s office out in Brooklyn.” He looks away quickly, unable to cool his expressions.

“What’s with you Mr. Sex Crimes ADA in Brooklyn?”

“Rafael. Barba.” He states.

“What’s with the Judgy faces, Rafael?”

“I just don’t believe in communal snacks, Ms. SVU Detective since ‘98.” She rolled her eyes.

“Olivia. Benson,” she mocks him lightly. “I don’t see anything wrong with free snacks with my glass of wine.”

“Well, Olivia.” He loves the way her name rolled off his tongue. “Imagine everyone’s piss on the top of their fingers as they dig their muggy hands in that bowl, and now you’re eating them.” Now it was her turn to grimace.

“I could’ve lived the rest of my life without having that image in my head.” She rolled her eyes as the bartender placed the tumbler of scotch in front of him.

“The more you know.” Rafael raises his glass in her direction.

“Are you always this depressing?” She subconsciously leaned closer to him.

“Only when I’m depressed.” He sipped the scotch.

“Wanna talk about it?” He craned his neck in her direction. “I mean what better place to spill your soul, then a complete stranger in a random bar in a city you’re not even from?”

“Us? Strangers? We’re practically best friends.” He jokes.

“Even better, tell your Bestie Liv what’s the matter?” She asks in a mock baby voice.

“Damn, can I at least buy you dinner first before I bare my soul?” She smiles at his smoothness.

“As long as we’re only moving to a booth over there.” She signals with her chin.

“Deal.” He rises to his feet, leading her to a booth in the back. She slid in first and he moved in on the other side after her.

“What a gentleman,” she prodded.

“Cute bangs,” he smiled softly, only now taking in her beauty.

“Thanks, I cut them, myself.” She fought to suppress her smile but couldn’t help herself.

“Ever considered a second job?”

“This one keeps me busy enough.” He chuckled. Olivia couldn’t lie, she loved the ease she felt with him, and that worried her. He was a complete stranger yet the conversation flowed so naturally.

“Touché.” He winked. “But if you’re ever looking for a muse or a practice dummy, you can always call on me,” he licked his lips.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, wouldn’t I need your number for that?” She smirked.

“Ask and ye shall receive.” He placed his hand out in front of her, palm face up. She placed her unlocked phone in his hand. He quickly programmed his number into her phone taking a silly selfie in the process. “One Rafael Barba number with a contact photo to boot.”

“And you aren’t gonna pester me for mine?”

“I’d like to think that after our time is spent together if you’d like to see me again, you’d call or text or something.”

“So it’s the lady’s choice? I think I like you, counselor.” She leans forward, as she feels magnetically drawn to him.

The waiter comes to take their orders and replace their drinks.

“What growing man eats a salad on a first date? Are you trying to make me look like the pig?” He snorts, he only suggested the salad because Yelina would’ve nagged him about his weight had he not ordered something low carb and healthy.

“Oh, so this is a date?” He smirked for what felt like the first time in ages.

“Oh, so you offer to buy dinner for all strangers you meet in a bar and later hit on?”

“I told you, we aren’t strangers, we’re best friends.”

“Well, I don’t think my best friend would appreciate that,” she looked into his eyes, for the first time noticing the hues of green under the dim lighting.

“You’re right, this is a date.” He raised his hand calling the waiter over, “can you scratch that salad? I’d like an 8 oz porterhouse steak medium-well with mashed potatoes and asparagus—steak sauce on the side.” Olivia’s face looked impressed.

Soon enough the food came, they both dug in getting to know each other better.

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me why you’re depressed at some point before we reach the point of me no longer being a stranger?” He scoffed swallowing his steak as she forked her pasta.

“It’s honestly no big deal just my girlfriend of 14 years—or wife—well ex now, cheated on me not even 48 hours into our honeymoon with the scuba diver instructor.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Raf—“

“Nope. Strangers don’t do that. They don’t pity.” He shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes.

“Well your date gets to show you some empathy, doesn’t she?” Her honey brown eyes searched his sad green ones for a hint of what to say next. “Can I at least say what a fucking idiot and a bitch she must’ve been to cheat on you...Well, I guess it’s luck on my part, now I have you to buy me dinners.” He choked on the piece of asparagus in his mouth. “Too soon?” She bites her bottom lip.

“No, I think that’s exactly what I needed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have ever taken the subway in the Bronx so I really was just making stuff up with the platform A thing, so don't mind me!


	3. Dirty Dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short filler chapter, just trying to pick up the momentum and start brewing the feelings between these two.

**“Hey, this is Olivia...Benson. From the bar. I realized now as I’m speaking to your answering machine that you’re probably asleep—like any normal person would be at 4 in the morning. Call out game! _Me_ , telling _you_ I’m not normal. Anyway! That’s beside the point. I really liked talking to you tonight and I’d love to see you again, hang out maybe? Would this be me asking you on a date this time?” She chuckled. “Well if you’re not busy tomorrow night, I’ll be at The Boogie Room in Hell’s Kitchen. I know the name is ridiculous but it’s actually a really great underground dance lounge. Well, I hope to see you there! Call me or text me. Let me know if you’re going to show, or just show up—whichever you’re more comfortable with. I’ll be the girl in the black dress with curly hair and the cute bangs that she cut herself.” She released one last laugh, “anyway goodnight. Get some rest and don’t forget... _fuck that bitch_.”**

Rafael played the message four more times to make sure he heard correctly. Olivia Benson just asked him out on a date. The beauty from the bar that he was sure he’d never hear from again? The babe with the cute bangs, perky buxom, beaming personality, contagious sense of humor, and the perfectly plump rump to match—asked him out on a date? Olivia was so out of his league he couldn’t believe what he heard. His first reaction was to call Eddie.

“Eddie... _She_ asked _me_ out?” The statement came out as more of a question.

“The hottie from last night? Asked you out?” Eddie was just as stunned as he was.

“To go dancing.” He emphasized.

“Wow, who would’ve thought that Abuelita Catalina forcing you to go to those dance classes every Saturday morning for eight years, would finally pay off?” Eddie scoffed, “Well now you have to hang up and call her just to thank her.”

“There’s not enough time in the world for that, we’d be on the phone through next week.”

“Wait—wait—wait a damn minute!” Eddie sits up in his bed, the shuffling noise causes Rafael to pull the phone from his ear. “You didn’t tap that?”

“No.”

“So you’re telling me she asked you out solely based on personality alone?”

“Yes?”

“Bull shit.”

“I met her last night and you expected me to have sex with her already?”

“That’s how one night stands work, Raf.” Eddie explained in the most ‘duh’ tone he could muster up.

“Well, I don’t want it to be a one night stand.”

“Raf, you just got out of a 14-year relationship, you can’t be trying to jump into another one. Rebounds don’t work out.”

“Yelina was the rebound.” He reminded his best friend of three decades. “She swooped in after Lauren broke my heart." He rolls his eyes, "and maybe that information would've been useful 15 years ago.”

“I'm just saying, it’s only been a month, give it more time. There are more fish in the sea.”

“Ed, it’s not like I’m proposing to her or anything. I’m simply testing out this particular fish in the sea.” Eddie sighed.

“I guess you’re right.” He sighed expectantly.

“Of course I’m right, I’m always right.” He chuckled as he could picture Eddie silently rolling his eyes at his remark.

“Whatever bro, as long as you get that dick wet by anything other than the hag of the Cuban sea, I'm for it.” He shrugs even though his best friend can't see him.

“She’s never even been to Cuba—“

“And I don't give a fuck. How about the tramp of South Bronx, is that more like it? Maybe her Frenchman will sail her to Cuba and leave her ass stranded there.” Eddie chuckled to himself.

“Enough about her!” Raf rolls his eyes, suppressing the laughs bubbling in his chest. “Should I call her? Or just show up?”

“Are you really asking me that? What is this middle school?” Eddie clears his throat. “What time are you supposed to meet?”

“She didn’t say in the message—just to meet her at the Boogie Room.”

“That hot underground dance lounge in Hell’s Kitchen? Oh, I’m going. I’m gonna pick out my fit and then come over and pick out yours, we can’t have you looking like Yelina’s social experiment when dealing with the fox from last night.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Should I text her?”

“Nah, just show up.”

“Cool. I’ll see you in a few?”

“Already on my way,” Eddie spoke fighting the smirk growing on his face as he clicked to end the call.

* * *

“There are a lot of women in black! I should’ve called,” Rafael sighed scanning the room looking for one particular woman in the sea of women in skanky black dresses.

“Yeah, I don’t know why you’d listen to me, I haven’t had a girlfriend in—“

“Rafael!” A voice cut Eddie’s reminisce short, Rafael is grateful toward the floral deep red dress approaching him.

“I thought you were wearing black tonight?” Rafael’s eyes scanned her skin tight red strapped dress. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail, but her bangs still grace her face so eloquently. The cut of the mid-thigh length dress showcasing _all_ her features, but especially accentuating her cleavage. He couldn’t lie, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her perfectly hugged curves. From the buoyancy of her lovely breast sitting high on her chest to the alluring curves of her hips to the rounded perfection of her ass, all on display tonight.

“Maybe I like to keep you on your toes? I didn’t actually think you’d show.” She shrugged, pulling him away from the entrance, lacing his fingers with the nubs of her right hand.

“And why in God’s creation would I stand you up?” Barba graciously follows as she tugs him in the direction of the dance floor.

“When you didn’t call, I didn’t think you were interested.”

“Oh trust me, when a beautiful woman calls me, I answer.” He placed his hands on her waist, running his hands over the red floral print placed so conveniently at her hips. “Except at 4 AM, when I’m in bed,” he kids, she rolls her eyes fondly. His hands roam, running his fingers down the curve of her spine to the swell of her ass.

“A hands-on man, maybe I like...” her voice trails off as she presses her derrière into his front, slowly grinding to the music.

“A woman who knows what she wants and takes it, I definitely like.” Olivia leaned forward a bit giving her date a better angle. Rafael gripped her hips, matching her intensity as the two continued to grind on each other to the beat of the music filling the lounge.

Rafael felt like he was in paradise as the song ended and smoothly transitioned into the thrumming beat of a salsa song. He turned Olivia to face him guiding her across the dance floor to center stage. He kept his eyes on her, yet still, he knew exactly where to take her, as if he’d been there a million times before. Every moment, every angle seemed to be planned in advance. Nothing felt forced; Olivia felt like she was floating. It only took her a moment to notice how the two of them captured the attention of the room.

“Raf,” she whispered, “everyone is looking at us.” He squeezed her hand slightly and smiled.

“Really?” he chuckled softly, “I hadn’t noticed.” He turned so elegantly, his body in tune with the beat, it’s as if the rhythm of the music flowed through his veins. There was a sort of harshness to him like he was someone who shouldn’t be underestimated. She didn’t care in the moment. The warmth between them grew more powerful by the second. Her heartbeat grew steadily along with it. The dance felt perfect; everything from their breathing to how their feet moved— constantly in sync.

And that scared her, scared the living shit out of her. She’d known this man for all of twenty-four hours and he was somehow managing to sweep her off her feet?

The breath that remained in her lungs was swiped away when he dipped her, their lips were breaths apart as he pulled back slightly to take a good look at her.

Under the low lit light on the dance floor, his eyes were the color of the last drops of Créme de Menthe dripping out of the upside-down bottle, the deep hues of green magnified his smile—Olivia’s heart skipped a beat.

 _What are you doing to me?_ She thought to her usually guarded self. Part of her wanted to run and flee from this perfect stranger holding her so tightly against his chest but the rest—the majority—wanted to cling to him and stick by his side just to simply know him better, even if there are no strings attached.


	4. “You’re insufferable.” “And you’re just damn stubborn.”

“Olivia...” Rafael scolded.

“Barba.” She bit.

“Just use the key tracker I got you!” Rafael groaned, tightening the knot around his neck.

“I don’t need the stupid key tracker!” Olivia balanced her phone between her shoulder blade and ear as she shuffled through her kitchen drawers—in fact looking for her keys. Sometimes she thought maybe she should just lock them up along with her gun and badge _especially_ if it got Rafael to stop badgering her about keeping important things in specific places. She rolled her eyes at the thought.

“You’re gonna be late wasting time arguing with me about not needing something you obviously need.”

“You’re insufferable.” She suppressed the grin fighting to reach the surface.

“And you’re just damn stubborn.” He smiled fondly.

“How could I use the stupid key tracker when I don’t even know where it is?” She exclaims in frustration.

“Top drawer left of the sink.” He deadpans.

“How the—“

“I put it there before I left last week and I know you’ve been adamant against using it.” He smirked even though she couldn’t see him.

“You came inside for a glass of water and then left immediately after to catch your train back to the Bronx.”

“Yeah, _after_ I put the key tracker you told me to _‘shove up my ass’_ in the top left draw by the sink.” She groaned indignantly.

“Exactly, right. I’m not going to use it,” she eyes the black remote looking thingy, grabbing the stupid contraption she clicks the green button she assumed would track her keys; A loud beeping sounds causing her to swear under her breath.

“Is that the tracker I hear?” The victory,evident in his tone. She could practically see him grinning from ear to ear, just smug satisfaction plastered all over his stupidly handsome face.

“No—“

“I know what the tracker sounds like, so don’t even lie!” He chuckled at her silence.

“Where is the damn beeping coming from?” He could hear the shuffling and banging of cabinets in the background.

“Second drawer from the top, right of the sink.” The slow sliding of the drawer piqued his interest.

“You knew this whole time? Are you fucking kidding me!”

“In my defense, you threw them down in their last night before I left! Even after I lectured you on keeping them in a specific, safe, disclosed location so I can always remind you where they are.” Olivia bleats a long dragged out sound from the bottom of her chest, _not this talk again_.

“Forty-five God damn seconds you were inside this apartment last night!” She grouches.

“It’s not my fault you spent the last 10 minutes denying that you couldn’t find your keys and arguing with me about not using the key tracker. You never asked me if I remembered where the keys were.”

“In—fucking—sufferable,” she enunciates, emphasizing her frustrations.

“Pot calling the kettle black, darling.”

“God, why do I like you again?” She pulled the keys out of the drawer, slamming it shut with a slightly angered bump from her hip before running toward the door.

“Uh, maybe the beard?” She swallows the dreamy sigh fighting to escape her throat at his response.

“Oh, it’s definitely the beard.” She confirmed, leaning against the wall waiting for the elevator to arrive.

“Well, I’m getting close to the subway station,” Olivia felt her heart drop suddenly, a subtle sadness fills her chest—if she could, she’d stay on the phone with him all day. “Are we still on for tonight?” She perked up a bit, glad they’d made beginning of the week plans. After tonight she probably wouldn’t see him again until Friday.

“My place at 7:30?” She asked hopefully.

“Why won’t you just tell me where we’re going?”

“Because...”

“Because what?”

“Because I don’t want to? What’s the point of the surprise, if I just tell you everything.” He groans at her logic.

“Why do I like _you_?” He mocks.

“I’m fun and quirky and cut really cute bangs.”

“I’ll be the judge of that after you cut my hair.”

“I still don’t know why you want me to do that.”

“Hey, you offered.” He shrugs, stopping at the entrance of the staircase.

“And you trust me that much? It’s been a month.”

“Apparently I do.” He sighs contentedly. “Well, I’ve got to go! Text me and I’ll see you later. 7:30?”

“7:30” she confirms, “Have a good day!”

“Bye-bye, Liv.” He speaks softly before ending the call and heading toward the subway.

Olivia pulls off, blindly reaching work in mere minutes; she reflects on the past four weeks she’d spent with the man who drove her absolutely crazy yet made her indescribably and disgustingly happy. How could she simultaneously love and hate the feeling?

It was insane how much she enjoyed her time with him—the first two weeks of their unlabeled rendezvous they made sure they'd seen each other every day. Until work kept her overnight—inadvertently she pulled a triple—crashing their plans to try his favorite ice cream parlor in south Bronx. They’d talked about it for three days straight, to say she was disappointed she couldn’t try their decadent homemade strawberry cheesecake ice cream, was a vast understatement. So when Rafael called her to tell her to meet him outside the one-six during her lunch break, as she’d been napping in the cribs, she’d never been more excited to see him or the white pint of Lickety Split strawberry cheesecake ice cream in his hand.

“Liv? You good?” Fin shifts his body in her direction, leaning back in his seat but crossing his arms in suspicion.

“Yes? Why do you ask...”

“You’ve been extra smiley lately. Haven’t seen you wipe that goofy grin off your face in some weeks.” He sits up. “Is there sumn you wanna tell me? Or should I say someone you wanna come clean about.”

“Fin, I am not hiding anything. In fact, he’s been here.”

“Oh—so there is a someone? And you didn’t introduce us?” He walked over sitting on the corner edge of her desk as she settled in.

“Maybe it’s just none of your business?” She smirked glancing up at him through her eyelashes as she tore her eyes away from her screen.

“Wow, that’s how you treat your best friend? That’s cold.”

“I’ll tell you about him with two conditions,” she gently throws her phone on her desk.

“And what are they?” He raised his brows, giving her the side-eye.

“First, you don’t tell Elliot a thing—not even that I’m seeing someone.”

“Done.” Fin didn't have to think about that one, Elliot could be possessive and controlling over Olivia and her love life—Fin felt Stabler was the sole reason why a woman as beautiful as Olivia had been single for as long as she has been—well that and her deeply ingrained commitment issues. He was overjoyed that his best friend was happy and not overthinking the situation at the moment—he'd do anything to help her remain this blissed out.

“And—um,” she scratches her eyebrow with her thumb, “If I catch a case, are you willing to cover for me?” She leans back in her chair, running her tongue over her teeth with her eyes wide craining her neck to glance over at him.

“Don’t make it excessive and I expect to meet ‘em.” Fin laid out his conditions to the agreement, the deal was sealed by a full teethed grin and a subtle head nod on both their ends.

“His name is Rafael, he’s the ADA for SVU over in Brooklyn.”

“I honestly thought hell woulda froze over before you dated an attorney.” She shrugged her shoulders as Elliot sauntered into the squad room.

* * *

“Eddie, why are you calling me?” Rafael relaxed leaning back in his chair, knowing this conversation could be a while.

“Aye, Chico! So it’s no problema for you to call me in the middle of the night when you can’t stop thinking about your chocho—who I don’t understand why you haven’t banged yet—“

“Eduardo!” Rafael quickly reprimands for the inappropriate nickname he insisted on using when referring to Olivia.

“Sorry, you’re right, you haven’t even gotten the chocho yet—chochete? Chula?” Eddie laughs to himself.

“I’m going to stop picking up your calls.”

“You won’t because who will listen to you bitch and moan at all hours of the day? Olivia? Riiiight, she can’t. 50 percent of whatever comes out of your mouth is about her anyway.”

“Is there any reason you called in the middle of my workday? Don’t you have a class to teach?”

“Planning period. Now tell me why you haven’t hit that yet? It’s been a month, Rafi, your pinga is begging you!”

“Please stop referring to my genitalia it’s weird.”

“Rafael!” The thick Cuban accent sticks to the inside of his ear, he knew he was in trouble now, “You’re supposed to be using this time to fuck every living thing with a pulse not wasting time romancing one fine ass cop!” Rafael cringed, hating how Eddie could belittle whatever he had brewing with Olivia, but not wanting to admit to his best friend that his bachelor era ended before it even really began. But was that so bad? He truly enjoyed his time with Olivia—he hadn’t felt this free—this happy in years, maybe ever. “If she doesn’t want to put out, just move onto the next.”

“I can’t.”

“You like her.” Rafael’s silence is enough confirmation for his best friend. “You like her and that’s why you’re putting up with this dry spell.”

“It’s not her Eddie, it’s—she’s feeling me. _Really_ feeling me. She sends out all the vibes, gives me all the signals, she’s literally had her hand in my pants while we were making out in her elevator—but once I get to her front door and feel her body pressed into mine, I chicken out and tell her goodnight.”

“You chicken out or you’re not actually over Yelina?”

“No—It’s not that I’m not over her, but it—it’s been 14 years! I’ve only been with her in my adult life and _she_ cheated on me what if I’m the problem? What if I can’t satisfy Olivia?” Rafael sighs, rubbing his hand through his perfectly styled hair. “I feel dumb like I’m cheating on her or something...”

“That cock guzzling manipulative bitch is still somehow managing to get inside your head, it’s actually unbelievable.” Eddie all but growled. “Look, Raf, you’re a well endowed young man who is feeling this hot chick that has sent you the green light. You can’t cheat on someone who cheated on you, didn’t karma say that or something?” Eddie doesn’t miss a beat, “That’s beside the point. You don’t owe her anything, you shouldn't have loyalty for a woman who disrespected the covenant of your marriage before the ink dried on your marriage license.” Rafael nodded, even though Eddie couldn’t see him. “I hate to break it to you, Raf, but no one cheats for the first time hours after their wedding, this is probably something she’s been doing for a long time.” The harsh reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

“I know—with Alex.”

“You’re saying...you knew she cheated on you and you still married her?”

“I didn’t know I expected it, that was two years ago. I should’ve left her then like I planned to do but she talked me out of it and I let her because I thought I loved her that much.”

“Give Olivia a chance not to break your heart? I think she deserves a fair shake at whatever the fuck you two have going on.” There is a slight commotion in his background and Eddie murmurs something indistinguishable under his breath. “I guess our therapy session is over, I’ll bill your insurance. Gotta go!” Eddie clicks to end the call before Rafael could get a word out.

Rafael exhales exponentially, pinching at his nose bridge to release some of the pressure building in his temples. He grabs his phone messaging the one person who could alleviate his stress.

**‘What are you up to?’**

_‘Drowning in DD5s and avoiding my best friend's 5th degree.’_

**‘I’m guessing they found out about me annoying the living daylights out of you for the hell of it?’**

_‘He says I’ve been smiling too much.’_

_‘Dead give away, I guess.’_

_‘Olivia Benson doesn’t smile.’_

**‘Welp, she does for me (:’**

_‘Don’t ruin it.’_

_‘And wipe that stupid grin off your annoyingly cute face.’_

**‘So you think I’m cute?’**

‘I’m gonna deck you the next time I see you.’

**‘You wouldn’t do anything to harm this annoyingly cute face of mine.’**

_‘Shut up.’_

_‘You’re right, I wouldn’t.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raf's texts are in bold, Olivia in italics.  
> chocho = vulgar slang for pussy  
> chochete = more tender way of referring to a girlfriend you have sex with  
> chula = cool, cute, and generally nice girl that you show interest in  
> pinga = Cuban slang for penis/dick (I may use 'pan con pinga," in the future as its a Cuban reference to sex)  
> My sophomore year of college one of my roommates was Cuban and she's like a sister to me so some of the Cuban cultural stuff comes to me through experience and not research, so sorry if I don't hit the nail on the head, I don't mean to offend or disrespect anyone's culture.  
> I just wanted to explore their growing relationship a little more before I moved onto the next date—which will definitely be the next chapter. I was trying to make it funny but it didn't come off that way, that's why I nixed it from the end of this chapter. I'll try to rework it and make it less cringe. I seem to be on some every day updating wave and hopefully, I can stick to that, but as long as the motivation is there so are the updates.


	5. Small Mercies

“So are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” Rafael‘s voice greets her the moment she swings the door open.

“No!” She immediately protests, “Quit badgering me before I blindfold you.” He rolls his eyes, soon bringing her appearance fully into his lust-filled gaze.

“You look…wow.”

“Wow? Not sure I’m familiar with that adjective.” She half smirks, a seductive glare beaming from his burning green embers.

“You look ravishing? Decedent? Devine? Heavenly? Beguiling! No, beautiful.” He finally settles on an adjective to describe her appearance not only tonight but every night.

A deep crimson blush settles across her cheeks, “Hush, you!” She grew more flustered as he scanned her body, his eyes looming over the dark denim material of her black jeans stretched across the expanse of her hips and well-rounded ass as if it were a second skin. Her fitted long sleeve olive green button up top clung to her, outlining her plump breast that sat high on her chest—the top three buttons left undone, leaving a small strip of her lace bra exposed, under her cream-colored tank top, the rest of her cleavage on full view.

“I didn’t know someone could look so...beautiful dressed so casually.” She turns away, hiding her darkening blush growing across her cheeks.

“Let me just grab my purse,” she opens the door fully.

“Do you have your keys or should I take a seat while you are _not_ looking for them and _not_ using the tracker.”

“Hey, smart ass?” She pulls the bunch of keys from her purse. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

“About what?”

“Dating you.”

* * *

“And here we are!” Olivia smiles so genuinely, Rafael’s heart skips a beat. “Shalel Lounge, I hope you don’t mind Moroccan food.”

“Olivia, are you a secret romantic?” He smirks over at the beauty in front of him, the low lighting sets the ambiance of the restaurant—the burning candles and hanging lanterns captivates Rafael, allowing him to forget about his little friend, IBS.

“Maybe I am? What you gonna do about it?” She teases as his hands find their way to her hips, pulling her in closer toward him. Just as his mouth pressed against hers, she mumbles softly against his lips, “We should...” she trails off getting lost in the feeling of how perfectly his lips molded into hers. She pushes him back slightly—lips swollen, breath caught, face flushed with infatuation. He eyed her thoroughly kissed lips, wanting nothing more than to have them on his once again. “We should probably see if they have a table for us,” she clears her throat, fixing her slightly disheveled hair.

“You didn’t make a reservation?” He asks lightly, not wanting to sound too accusatorial.

“Do you know me?” Scoffing fondly, “I didn’t know where we were going until an hour ago.” She beams much to his annoyance he can’t help but smile back.

“So that’s why you wouldn’t tell me.”

“Learn to live a little on the edge, Rafa.”

“Yeah, I will the moment you start to keep track of your shit and maybe plan ahead on our dates so I don’t have to get hangry.”

“You keep bitching and there won’t be any more dates for me to plan.”

“Are you insinuating that we’re over?” He followed the hostess to the low cushioned seating, Rafael supports Olivia as she crouches down to meet the low sofas covered with decorative throw pillows. 

“I’m not insinuating a thing,” Olivia clarifies watching Rafael get comfy in the cozy setting.

“I’m glad,” he grabs her hand, “I’ve really enjoyed spending these last few weeks with you.”

“I have too,” She delicately rubs her thumb over his knuckles.

“What can I get for you lovely people tonight?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve been enjoying the view and haven’t even glanced at the menu.” Olivia blushes, craning her neck away from his heated gaze. “If the lady knows what she wants, by all means.” He gestures for her to go ahead and order.

“We could get a large dish and share...If you’re cool with that? I’ve just never been able to finish the Cous Cous Royale.” Rafael acquiesced, not even knowing what Cous Cous Royale entailed, just wanting Olivia to be happy at the end of the night.

The waiter nodded, finished taking the rest of their order before excusing herself.

“So Olivia...”

“So Rafael?” She responded in mock curiosity.

“You never talk about work. Why is that? Got a secret work boyfriend you don’t want me to find out about?”

“Work husband actually and I don’t want him to find out about you, believe it or not.” Olivia shrugged.

“Love story too passionate to disclose and I’m the cover-up?”

“You could never be the cover-up.”

“Yeah, I know. You like me way too much.”

“And there you go, ruining it again.”

“It?”

“The moment.”

“Isn’t that why you’re rather smitten with me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Every moment I spend with you inflates my ego.”

“Oh?”

“How’d I manage to trick the most beautiful woman in the room, at any given time, to go out with me?”

“Are you trying to charm your way into my pants?”

“No, I’m just speaking the God honest truth.” He interlaces their fingers under the small table as the waitress sets their drinks and a steaming heap of grilled lamb, chicken, sausage, and assorted vegetables over what seemed like a mountain of couscous, “Anything else is merely just a byproduct.”

“Well...” she clears her throat, briefly thanking the waiter as she takes her leave, “It’s working.”

* * *

The New York City street was strangely quiet and calm as the two leisurely walked under the star-filled sky hand in hand. Olivia couldn't stop gazing at the few stars she could see in the light-polluted night sky, in amazement. Rafael couldn't take his eyes off of her. 

“This is me...” Olivia’s voice trailed off, not wanting to let go of his hand or him, as a matter of fact. “Come up for a drink?” Olivia’s hopeful glance from his lips to eyes back down to his lips again gave him all the reassurance he needed.

“Of course,” he smiled, subconsciously running his tongue over his lips.

The moment the elevator doors shut, Olivia has Rafael pinned to the cool smudged metal wall of the moving contraption—her lips were all over his. Her hands slipping under the soft cotton of his v-neck.His hands soon dropped below her waist, rubbing large circles onto her buttocks, his lips trailing from her swollen pink ones, down toward her jaw, slowly making his way to the crook of her neck. At the sudden 'ding' of the elevator alerting them they’ve reached their desired floor they jumped apart, like two horny teenagers who'd just been caught.

She grabbed his hand pulling him toward her apartment as the burning in the lower pit of his stomach commenced. By the time Olivia fished her keys out of her purse unlocking the front door the pain was unbearable, he tried to mask it as Olivia presses into his chest, leaning up to press a passionate kiss on his soft lips. She throws her keys to the side, “Olivia,” Rafael mumbles against her lips in protest.

“They’re by the door—I’ll remember!” She leans in to capture his lips with hers once again. She notices his hesitation and moves to pull back as he kicks the opening shut, turning them and slamming her up against the wood of the front door, he blindly fumbles to lock the entry as the burning in his lower stomach begins to rise—if his mind wasn’t occupied by the beautifully ravenous Olivia Benson, he’d be doubled over in pain. She moved to pull his shirt over his head as he diligently unbuttons her fitted green top.

Her shirt hangs on her shoulders, unbuttoned, revealing her practically see-through undershirt— he pushed the shirt off her shoulders moving to pull her undershirt over her head as his stomach makes an unignorable painfully sounding growl, Olivia pulls back.

“Rafa, is that your stomach?” She shoots him a worry-filled glance. “You look a little green. Do you have to use the bathroom?” He avoids meeting her eyes as he bashfully nods. “Come,” she interlocks their fingers pulling him to the restroom in her bedroom.

“I feel like I’m ruining the moment, _again_.” He bemoans.

“You aren’t ruining anything.” She kissed his nose, “I’ll be on the couch waiting for you—to give you your privacy.” She smiles at him walking out of the bedroom.

The moment he hears the click of the bedroom door he rushes toward the toilet, locking the door behind him, turning on the fan as he dropped his pants plopping down on the toilet.

_‘FUCK!’_

**‘Bro...you good?’**

_‘Shit. Things were getting hot and steamy and my asshole decided at that very moment to set itself on fire.’_

_‘I can’t stop shitting, Eddie.’_

**‘Please tell me you are not still in her apartment.’**

_‘Where the hell else would I be??’_

_‘Do you understand the meaning of hot & steamy?’_

_‘We were about to have sex!’_

**‘Fuck did you eat bro?’**

_‘Moroccan.’_

_‘Couscous.’_

**‘You fucking idiota.’**

**‘Did that useless Harvard brain of yours forget you have IBS?’**

**‘You know...Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Where you watch what you eat so you don’t shit your intestines out?’**

_‘Didn’t think that far ahead.’_

_‘She ordered for me.’_

_‘I couldn’t stop staring at her.’_

_‘She looked so beautiful tonight.’_

**_‘Well, you can kiss getting laid tonight goodbye.’_ **

_‘I can kiss her goodbye too.’_

_‘I’ll be too embarrassed to face her.’_

_‘If anyone can peel me off this toilet before I die.’_

**‘I can’t believe you got so close to the chocho and lost it.’**

**‘Sucks.’**

**‘Not your pinga, obviously.’**

**‘Just to be you.’**

Rafaelrolled his eyes, locking his phone. Eddie was no help. How was he gonna face Olivia after coming down with the case of the shits in her apartment? He felt the wave of sudden death passing, he flushed the toilet not wanting to overwhelm her plumbing system. His eyes scanned the room for toilet paper, “You’ve got to be fucking with me right?” He cursed inwardly at the situation.

Here he was sitting in a beautiful woman’s apartment...with his pants around his ankles and his ass glued to a toilet seat—and no toilet paper! Just his luck. Rafael clenched his but cheeks, walking over to her cabinets under the sink. He refused to ask Olivia for toilet paper, how much more embarrassment does the universe think he can stomach?

And that’s when he saw it. Thick two-ply paper towels—soft enough to use on his irritated anus. ‘ _If I use less than the ideal amount the toilet won’t clog, right?’_ He thought to himself.

Rafael stood to his feet, buttoning up his trousers, and flushing the toilet. “Please God, please let this go down!” He got down on his knees praying for this small mercy, “Haven’t I been miserable enough?” He scoffed as the water in the toilet began to rise. “Plunger? Plunger. Plunger.” He muttered in an annoyed state. “Of course she doesn’t have a plunger! Why do I deserve a plunger?” He rebukes himself. “What have I done in a past life to deserve this?”

“Raf?” There’s a soft knock on the door, “Is everything okay? You’ve been in there for a while.” She asks softly.

“I uh—I.” His face is beet red, unable to find the courage to tell her he’d clogged her toilet.

“You what?”

“I clogged the toilet.”

“How?” She stifles the amusement in her tone.

“You don’t have toilet paper, but you had paper towels.”

“Honey..there are flushable wipes in that basket above the toilet.”

“I—I thought those were makeup wipes. I—I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’ll figure this out and leave. I’m so sorry.” He beat himself up internally. “Can you uh—can you go buy a plunger? I’ll give you the money back.”

“There’s a plunger behind the toilet.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He whisper-shouted to himself.

“That’s how I felt this morning.” She teased as he pulled the plunger out getting to work on the clog. In under a minute the toilet gasped to life, swallowing the completely unnecessary trauma of tonight’s latest debacle. “Are you gonna come out now?” She asks failing at her attempt to suppress her giggles.

“Olivia this is not funny!”

“It’s pretty damn amusing from where I’m standing!” She bends over in laughter at his misfortune.

“Liiiiiv,” he whines, yellowing near the eyes—the pain in his stomach returns triple-fold but thankfully for him, the need to excrete the burning waste in his stomach hasn’t. _Small mercies,_ he thought glancing up towards the ceiling.

“Unlock the door, babe.” She encourages him, as she hears the lock unclick and the door swings open. “Come here, Rafi,” she steps closer to him rubbing his belly, “want Livy to rub your tummy?” He glares.

“I’m in pain, Olivia. This is no time for jokes.”

“I am literally rubbing your belly, whose joking here?” She eyes him sincerely as her hands rub soothing circles under his cotton shirt.

“Sorry for being snappy and whiney and for ruining our night.” She leaned up on her tippy toes to peck his lips.

“Mm, nothing is ruined. I’ll give you aPepto ultra tablet and make you some peppermint ginger tea—then you can hold me on the couch and tell me how pretty I am. Sound like a deal?”

“Deal.” He nods eagerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter twice, and none of the three came out the way I really wanted, but alas here it is! I skimped on the dinner date because the longer I made it the less interesting the chapter became. I've started on chapters 7 and 8 along with two other key plot points (I still am unsure of how long this will be so I am at liberty to cut the chapter count from 15 at any moment but I will keep you all updated on where that goes).


	6. Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may or may not be a mature scene at the end of this one; y'all can blame (or thank) Clio for that.

“Can you rub my back in small circles?”

“Rafael...who the fuck do you think I am?”

“My emotional support bestie?”

“Call your casi ahí chochete.”

“Can you ever just call her Olivia?”

“Well, where’s the fun in that?”

“My peace of mind maybe.”

“I’ll consider it after you two bone.”

“Still don’t understand why that’s so important to you.”

“Because I know the fucking bruja del noreste had mediocre pussy. Just looking at Olivia, you’ve leveled up.”

“And how would you know any of that?”

“A man knows. It’s in the vibes. Ese coño reeked of fuerte puta.” Rafael chuckled, not necessarily willing to trash his ex-wife—a woman he’d loved dearly for 14 years—but enjoyed the fact that someone was, since he wouldn’t. “And I’m right, cause she threw pussy at the first guy she found. And it’s been over a month with Olivia, she still hasn’t put out. Good chochete is hard to find for a reason, my friend.”

“Where were all these opinions before I married her?”

“The message was clouded by my delightful tone.” He winked. “You always thought we were bickering friends but I hated that bitch from the day she weaseled her way into your broken heart.”

“Why?” He asked out of pure curiosity.

“You were always her meal ticket, Raf.” He shrugged, walking over to the toilet, “I’m gonna blow this up right quick,” he barely gave his best friend a chance to respond before rushing in and locking the door.

“Eddie, No—use the guest bathroom in the hall!” Rafael sprung to his feet. “Eddie!” He groaned banging on the bathroom door, as the first plop sounded, “incorrigible.” He shook his head, walking over to the couch as his phone began to blare.

“Oh—hi! That was quick,” Olivia snorted as Rafael picked up the phone after the second ring.

“Mi abuelo told me to never keep a beautiful woman waiting.”

“Mm,” she hummed. “I miss you,” he could hear the pout in her voice, unable to help but laugh at her adorableness.

“I miss you too,” he smiles into his phone, ”and that cute little pouty face of yours you do.”

“Well, me and my cute face miss you,” She clarifies. “What are you up to?” She melted into the chair, she'd snuck into the file room, at the relaxing sound of his breathing.

“Hanging out with Eddie, thinking about you, you know the usual.”

“I have to say, you spend a lot more time with him than with me, and I’ll admit...I’m jealous of him.”

“Trust me, mi amor—I’d much rather be with you but the NYPD has other plans for us.”

“And here I am...looking for work to do while my beautiful man is home hanging out with someone that isn’t me,” she frowns inwardly.

“Trust me, I’d much rather be with you, darling.” His voice is so tender and sweet Olivia can’t help but smile softly. “I figure it’s a slow day, what have you been up to?”

“The slowest I’ve ever seen in my nine years at SVU.” She looks over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching or listening to their conversation, “I finally made it through that mountain of DD5s on my desk, wrote a desk ticket for a drunk and disorderly, organized my desk twice, went out to an hour lunch with Fin, and now I’m checking the file room to assure all the files are in its place.”

“Or are you sneaking off to talk to a hot Cuban attorney?”

“Mm, could be that too.”

“How about I come down to the one-six and have you write me a Desk Appearance Ticket while I ogle at your beauty. Sound like a plan?”

“And what would the desk ticket be for?”

“Shoplifting.”

“What’d you shoplift?”

“Your heart.”

“Rafa.”

“Olivia?”

“Shut up.” Olivia’s cheeks flushed a rosy red tint. Her heartbeat began to pick up, thrumming wildly in her chest. How could he make her so flustered so easily? She hated how much she liked him so quickly, especially since she knew she was only a rebound to him—and rebounds never work out in the end.

“That’s the one thing I can’t do for you, honey, I love the sound of my voice too much.”

“You don't say? I hadn’t really noticed,” her voice thick with sarcasm, his chuckles fill her stomach with the warming feeling of the flutter of a butterfly's wings.

“Why don’t you go home? If there’s really nothing to do.”

“If I leave, I’ll be on call. If I stay, I’ll be off at 7 and free for the weekend.”

“7? Isn’t that cutting it a little close to our date? Are you sure you’ll be able to make it at 8?”

“You think I’m going to miss the ballet?”

“Hate to break it to you, it’s a Broadway musical...not the ballet. I hope you aren’t disappointed.”

“As long as I’m with you, there’s nothing to be disappointed about—I’ve already won the prize.” She scratches the back of her neck, embarrassed over the statement she allowed to leave her lips. “I’ll meet you at the theatre. You coming to my apartment is too risky, we'll get distracted somehow, and will be late.” Rafael laughed at the thought in agreement—he’d either look too long, stare too hard, become speechless, or feel inclined to touch—if he got his hands on her in that teal dress she bought, they wouldn’t make it to the showing at all.

“I can’t wait to see you later,” he murmured.

“I can barely wait, feels like it’s been a lifetime since I last got to see you.”

“You only have two more hours of work, I’ll let you go.”

"I guess if you really want to abandon me for bro time, that's fine." 

"Olivia, no seas tan dramática, I will see you later, beautiful."

"You know your speaking in Spanish drives me crazy," her voice low and sultry, resembling something close to a moan.

"Ten cuidado, you're in public amante mia."

"You're deliberately torturing me, now."

"Sounds like you're thoroughly enjoying this, from where I'm sitting."

"Goodbye, Rafi, te veré más tarde, hermoso." 

"Bye Livy."

* * *

Rafael scanned the crowd for Olivia, it was 7:56 and the show was moments from starting, he hoped she was alright and didn't get held up at work, there's nothing Rafael wanted more than to see Oliva, after a week apart-he was dying to see her, to smell her, to hold her again. He searched the dying crowds for the teal dress she told him to look out for, which usually meant nothing—she’d see herself in the outfit she’d told him about, and change her mind last minute. He’d witnessed it in person a few weeks ago when he took her to see a live jazz band and he wanted to rip every strand of hair out of his head, because no matter how much he told her she was beautiful she’d roll her eyes and go change anyway. He smirked at the thought of her running around her apartment worrying which dress to wear, as if she didn’t look beautiful in everything she put on.   
  
That's when he spotted her, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head, the black dress hugged her every curve so delicately. The edge to edge zipper started at the center of her cleavage and trailed graciously over her center toward her knees. His eyes loomed over the buoyancy of her luscious buxom, to the all-encompassing curve of her hips, he couldn’t help but note how her ass is rounded to perfection—she thumbed away the drool building at the corner of his mouth.

"Hi," She grinned cheekily. “Come on babe, the show’s about to start!” She smirks knowingly, taking pity on his awestruck reaction.

“Olivia...” he licks his lips so sensually she felt a quiver washing through her body under his heavy-lidded gaze, “You expect me to sit through the show while you’re looking like that?” She grabs his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

“Yes!” She looked him over, taking in his aspect— his chest filled out the blue-tinted slate-gray button-down shirt tucked into the semifitted gainsboro gray trousers, the matching jacket hugged his forearms as they sculpted his shoulders perfectly. She bit her lip, staving off a shudder working its way through her system. She admired the effort he put forth to match his sienna dress shoes with his belt. “You look amazing,” She sighed dreamily.

“Nothing compared to you, you look astounding tonight.” He praised, lifting their interlocked fingers over her head so he could make her twirl. “Just wow.”

“Raf!” She blushed, avoiding his gaze. “Let’s go or we’ll miss the opening!” She tugged him behind her. The couple took their seats, she expected them to be in the gallery, Olivia was impressed by the seats he’d scored them last minute to see Wicked. Rafael refused to indulge her and her love for the musical Rent, she’d seen it at least three times before and as he promised to one day watch it with her, but he wanted her to experience something new with him, and since neither of them had seen Wicked he bought the tickets without a second thought. He made promises of a future with In the Heights and Rent in their near sights, of course Olivia obliged.

Olivia’s teeth began to chatter as the still cold of the room began to set in her bones, “Are you cold?” He whispers, she simply nods as he moves to take off his jacket, she stills him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Mm-mmm,” she shook her head quietly, pulling his arm around her as she snuggled in closer to his chest. They stayed in this position for the rest of the show, slowly melting and molding into one another.

As the final bow approached the two were reluctant to let one another go, not wanting to leave the warm embrace of the other, they lingered a little longer as the room cleared out.

“Dinner?” He mumbled into her hair.

“Mm, we could go back to my place?” Rafael’s arousal shot through him, “Order delivery and see where the rest of the night takes us?” Her hopeful golden browns study his green eyes—they were so deep and sweetly intense; they were that shade of green that pushed its way through the inches of muggy snow to remind the universe the cold doesn’t last forever and that spring was on its way. His darkening embers are that deep rich green color that brings hope and life to their onlookers no matter what has happened— looking into his eyes, _she could see it, he knew that she could._

* * *

The door barely shut before she had him pressed up against it, her lips devouring his. He pulled her against his chest, feeling her hard perky nipples pressing into his torso. She sheds his jacket as she locked the front door, her mouth never leaving his. Kicking off their shoes they blindingly made their way into her bedroom, slamming that door shut as well.

Her fingers roamed freely between his thick brown locks and the growing hair adorning his precious face. They’d been kissing so fervently she didn’t know where her lips ended and he began, she didn’t care to think about it either, she just wanted him, all of him—now.

Pulling back slightly, she cups his chin, running her fingers through his thickening beard, “You really do like the beard, huh?” Olivia’s silence is almost deafening, his eyes meet hers as she bites down on her bottom lips—obviously having an internal battle in her head.

He tilts his head down gazing into her golden chocolate eyes that were staring directly back into his burning green embers. His lips were on hers, she kissed him back with such intensity he didn’t know if he was going to make it to intercourse. His kisses trailed from her lips down to the crook in her bosom, biting down on the metal of her zipper, he pulled it down with his teeth. Her dress soon pooling at her feet as she fought her way out of the straps. He pulled her closer, breathing in her seminude form. His hands pulled at the meat of her ass gripping it tightly as her mouth found his again, pulling his shirt from the junction of his pants—only pausing the kiss, to move his undershirt over his head, freeing his thorax from its constraints. 

Her lips sloppily moved from his mouth to his jaw and then down to his bulky semi chiseled chest, her eyes drank him up unable to suppress the growing voice in her head chanting how beautiful he looked under the dim lights. Her tongue traveled the lengths of his sternum, as she released her praise of his exposed body. Her tongue explored every nook and cranny, circling the protruding nubs on his chest, his breath hitched in his throat at the sensations. Olivia made sure no surface or crevice was left untasted as she battled the buckle of his belt, loosening the dammed thing before dropping to her knees, kissing her way down to the lining of his boxers, she pecked him through the fabric—her tongue traced the outline of his member. Rafael quivered, pulling her back up just as her hand slipped inside cupping his balls and giving him one solid tug to his rock hard cock.

“Olivia, I won’t last,” He pulled her back onto her feet, kissing her lips. He began unbuckling her bra before taking purchase on her breast, feasting on her rosy nipples, “Mm, I just want to be inside of you.” He mumbled against her as a throaty moan escaped from her lips.

He pushed her back against the bed, laying her down, as he hovered over her, placing sloppy wet kisses along her jaw, the hollow of her throat, to her chest sure to kiss each breast, before working his way down to her cream panties, brushing his lips against her sex—a gasp leaves her lips.

“Ra—Rafa,” she moans as he licks her through the silk, “Pl—please, pleease,” she practically begs as she raises her hips so he can pull her undies down her legs flinging them somewhere across the room.

He pulls her to the edge of the bed, plopping down onto his knees—he hooks her thighs over his shoulder placing a kiss against her pink sensitive clit. Rafael began to nibble on her labia, teasingly, she groaned in need. He chucked against her center, sending a signal of pleasure up through her spine as he bites down gently at her clit making her gasp—eyes rolling to the back of her head the moment he gave her one steady lick to her clitoris.

“Raaafael,” she moaned as he worked her over, the deeper he thrusted his tongue into her core—the more friction his beard provided to her most sensitive region, “Ooh myy God!” She cried out rolling her hips against his unsuspecting face. He suctioned her clit into his mouth, giving her the undivided attention she so desperately needed. “Oh—“ She all but sobbed against his face as her hips began to buck, he used his arm to press her hips back into place, sucking at her clit dearly—he had her pressed into the mattress as her building orgasm became vocal, “Rafa, fuck! I’m gonna—I’m gonna cum!” He pulled his head away from her center, she whimpered at the loss of sensation.

“Mm, cum for me baby,” his deep husky lust-filled voice filled her ears pushing her further to the brink as he dived back in. Tears seared her eyes as the coil in her lower belly kept building until finally, she exploded.

“I’m—I’m fuck! I’m cumming,” she physically cried as the electric shocks from her orgasm ricocheted to every part of her body. Rafael licked her through it, as her body began to convulse. Olivia has never cum so hard in her life, her brain finally able to think as Rafael pulled away, planting kisses against her core and inner thighs.

“You’re so beautiful, Olivia,” he murmured breathlessly, licking his lips; consolidating this moment in his memory—her taste, the sight of her throbbing pink pussy, the rise and fall of her chest, the feeling of his tongue inside of her velvety walls—he never wanted to forget.

“You make me feel so good, Rafa,” she pants, “I’ve never felt this good before.” She reaches out for him—needing to feel his weight pressed up against her chest to ground her from the mind-boggling orgasm he’d just gifted her.

“Liv, I want to so badly...” his voice trails off as he supports himself on his elbows applying little weight on top of Olivia, “I don’t—I don’t have protection,” her eyes widen.

“I don’t either,” she cursed inwardly at herself. “I’m clean, I get tested after every partner—it’s been a while.”

“I only had 1 partner in 14 years but I don’t know about her...I was tested as soon as I got back. I’m clean too.” She nodded.

“I’m on birth control.” She reassured him.

“Olivia. Are you sure?” His eyes are blown wide in shock.

“Yes. Yes, Rafa—I want to feel you inside of me, please,” she rolled her hips against his throbbing member. Rafael sat up, grabbing his erection, which was now purpling at the head—he was so turned on from pleasuring Olivia, his hardness began to hurt.

He began to line himself up, with her—rubbing the head against her warm lips, “Are you sure you want me to—“

“Yes,” she impatiently nodded her head. Consent was important to both of them and it filled her stomach with butterflies and her nether regions with warmth at his incessant need to check in with her and her needs and desires. He begins to push in as he notices her wetness leaking into the mattress beneath her, “Oh—“ his mouth silences her moans as he kisses her, swallowing her cries as he so thoroughly fills her. Once he bottoms out, filling her to the hilt, he gives her a moment to adjust—still meticulously kissing her lips, as his tongue slips in between her appendages and down her throat. 

Olivia has to admit, Rafael was one of the biggest partners she’d ever had—if not the biggest. He was stretching her quite soundly without moving a muscle. She wrapped her legs around him, hooking her ankles around his waist, she applied pressure to his back to signal to him it was okay to start moving. With her arms wrapped around his neck, he started to move, she bit at his bottom lip, the pleasure filling her body all at once.

“Is it too much? Do you need me to stop?” He asked stilling his slow strokes, she shook her head. “Verbally for me please?”

“No—no, keep going.” She ran her hands over the smoothness of his back, stopping at the curve of his ass. His strokes were steady, deep, but mind-numbingly slow—she couldn’t take it anymore, she dug her nails into his side as he worked himself into a slow grind to help her get used to his size. “Rafa, please. Faster, please.” She begged.

He nodded, complying with her request with a quick kiss on her lips. He snapped his hips against hers, slamming into her, she jumped at the unexpected shot of arousal ripping through her.

He was plunging deeply into her, she began to sink into the bed due to Rafael’s incessant thrusts—she couldn’t stop the screams escaping the back of her throat; this had been what she asked for, she just hadn’t expected it to feel this good. Olivia can’t think about anything but Rafael—how his thickness fills her so perfectly, how the burn of the stretch combined with how he was thoroughly fucking her into the mattress fills her with a pleasure she’d never experienced before, she was filled with bliss dancing on the edge of another soul-shattering orgasm.

It was the sight of his beauty—his ruffled brown locks, those deep green eyes drowning in arousal, her juices coating his lips and chin, how his thick forearms and chest glistened under the light—how tightly he held her as he was about to explode that pulled her further out to sea. The feeling of sudden suction on his penis as her walls tightened around him, clamping down on his thick cock he began to feel as if he was engulfed by slick velvety heaven—his hips began to stutter, “Ooolivia—“ his breaths quickly grew uneven as he tried to hold out a little longer until he felt her begin to quiver under him. “Cum for me, Olivia, please,” he whispered into her ear, as his head was buried in the crook of her neck.

“I—I want to look at you, Rafa—look me in the eyes, pla—please.” He rose his head making eye contact and immediately she let go—allowing the orgasm to ignite every nerve ending in her body. If she didn’t know better she could’ve sworn she was seeing stars, but that may have been the pair of vivid twinkling green eyes peering into her soul.

Rafael grunted as his orgasm washed over him, filling her with his seed—his lips found her immediately in search of something to help him remember this was real. He’d never felt this close to another in his entire life—the intimacy they’d experienced was inexplicable and captivating.

Olivia ran her fingers through his hair tenderly as he rested his head on her chest in the space between her breasts, he was catching his breath and her mind was running wild.  _ She felt it, and she knew he felt it too.  _ The feeling of spinning into infinity, how her heart skips several beats at a time or speeds up uncontrollably, the way her breath catches in her throat at the sight of him, or how she can never seem to control what comes out her mouth nor does she want to, she felt so comfortable with him, so soon—and she hated it. 

She didn't want to admit it, she couldn't admit it—no she wouldn't. She'd get hurt, her heart would be stomped on and left out in the cold, she didn't think she could survive being left or pushed to the side again—especially not by him. She was helplessly—earnestly—hurtling toward the abyss. She was falling in love with Rafael Barba, no matter how much she fights it, it felt inevitable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> casi ahí = almost [there]  
> bruja del noreste = witch of the northeast  
> Ese coño reeked of fuerte puta = that bitch reeked of strong whore/bitch  
> no seas tan dramática = don't be so dramatic  
> ten cuidado = be careful  
> amante mia = my lover  
> te veré más tarde, hermoso = I'll see you later, beautiful


	7. I Didn't Think this Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter. Translations are always in the endnote, in order!

Olivia slept with her cheek pillowed against Rafael’s pec, she laid on her side. His right hand’s loose grip rests on her protruding shoulder. Under the thin sheets, limbs were tangled together, the feeling of the skin to skin contact during slumber, kept them warm—her right knee caked in between his thighs with her left ankle hooked across his right; her right arm lazily thrown over his waist as his left holds her in place, his hand clutching onto her hip, rubbing the smooth patch of skin under his fingers, idly.

“Please, make that stop,” Olivia mumbled into his bare chest.

“It’s probably you,” Rafael pulled her impossibly closer into his embrace. The incessant vibration came to a sudden halt, only momentarily—the vibrating picked up again, “That has to be you, no one needs to reach me this badly on a Saturday morning.” Olivia blindly glided her hand across the bed without moving the rest of her body in search of the damned thing disrupting the best sleep she’d gotten in years.

Her hand slides across the nightstand when she finally collided with the buzzing contraption, she groans before accepting the call with her eyes still locked shut, “Benson,” Her voice came off as a gentle whisper.

“Hello?”

“Mm?” Her brain too tired to form coherent sentences.

“Raf?” Olivia peeled the phone from her ear.

“Rafa?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I think this is for you.”

“Who is it?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia spoke without parting her lips, her words coming off more as a tired unintelligible grumble—somehow Rafael understood every word. He took the phone from in between her fingertips, pressing the device against his ear.

“Hello?”

“Raf?”

“Yes.”

“Who was that?”

“Olivia.”

“Wait!” Eddie’s surprised voice blares through the speaker, Rafael cringes internally. “If you’re with Olivia at 8 in the morning that could only mean one thing...” his voice calmly rationalized, “pan con pinga!” Rafael digs his head further into the pillow, suppressing a wistful sigh. “Holy fuck. You really tapped that fine piece of ass? How was it? Was I right? Supreme chocho, ain’t it? Better than that fucking vaca, huh?”

“Eduardo Garcia,” Rafael whips out the Cuban accent, in warning.

“Aye, Rafi I’m just a curious best friend! I knew you were being loco thinking you couldn’t satisfy her! She either let you stay or you so thoroughly fucked her you both passed out! Which one is it—“

“Eddie!”

“...yes?”

“Is there anything you direly needed at the ass crack of dawn, for you to call me on a Saturday morning?”

“No—but you’re usually up by now simpin’ over Olivia,” Rafael couldn’t help but smile at his best friend’s use of her name. “So—“

“Eddie, if you let me go back to sleep, I’ll answer whatever damn pregunta loca que tienes cuando ella no está conmigo!” Rafael clicked to end the call, knowing Eddie’s curiosity would hold off until he called back.

“He’s not wrong you know.”

“What?”

“You thoroughly fucked the shit out of me.”

“That’s so vulgar,” he cringed.

“I did also let you stay because I wanted you here.”

“And I want to be here.”

“Did you—“

“Did I?”

“Did you...enjoy yourself too?”

“You’re asking if I was satisfied?” She nods meekly, “Yes.” He answered immediately shutting down any insecurities she may have brewing in her mind. “Hands down, ten out of ten would do it again.” He kissed the tip of her nose relishing in the feel of Liv’s bare skin pressing against his; the warmth and intimacy he felt waking up naked next to her filled him with a level of happiness he didn’t think existed anymore. “Maybe I should head home? Get some clothes—“

“No,” Olivia pouted, pulling him closer to her, never wanting them to leave the comfort of her bed.

“Liv—“

“Rafa,” she whined.

“I can’t stay in my underwear all day now can I?”

“Who says you can’t?”

“Liv, I need to shower.”

“Shower, here. With me.” She ran her fingers down his bare chest, trailing dangerously close to his Kryptonite. “And then we can head over to your place...together?” Her slowly eyes widened as the shock of the words that just left her mouth, set in. She sounded far less clingy and desperate in her head. She began to pull away from his embrace from the sheer embarrassment, refusing to meet his eyes any longer.

Rafael tightened the hold he had on her midriff, seizing her chin between his thumb and pointer fingers, turning her head in his direction to meet his lips. It felt like time stopped when his lips were on hers, but the flutter in his stomach only intensified. Olivia’s heart slammed in her chest, the only thing she could focus on was the softness of his lips, and how they felt like butter against her mouth. There was a certain raw emotion in the way his fingers curled around the cool skin of her chin—as if in a plea for her to never let go.

“Only if you pack a bag and stay with me this weekend.” He spoke into their kiss.

Olivia nodded climbing on top of him, straddling his lap, she cupped his cheeks, rubbing her thumbs over his delicate cheekbones, looking down at the beautiful green-eyed man laying beneath her. To Rafael, Olivia’s touch felt exactly like the first sip of coffee in the morning, after a long and tenuous night; finding money in the pocket of old worn-out jeans after having a completely shitty day; the moment of calm before the storm and just for a split moment, the burden of life and the never-ending thought of looming doom is gone—Olivia Benson felt like peace of mind. 

Heat rose from the pit of Olivia’s stomach up into her chest cavity. Rafael’s lips were getting closer and her heart started to do that thing when it skipped several beats at a time. His post-sex-post-slumber scent filled her nostrils, the mere smell of him hypnotic beyond reason. Rafael sat up, claiming her mouth, parting her lips with his tongue she could feel him washing over her like a tidal wave of warmth, curling her toes, unfurling her senses— the early morning taste of him silenced all her buzzing thoughts that weren’t of him.

Her whole body tingled, the feel of his frame under her as she leaned into him, how snugly his arms wrapped around her middle felt almost forbidden in its nature, as if he let go they’d part indefinitely. He pulled her in, exploring her mouth adeptly—hungry and intense.

By the time Olivia became aware of where her fingers traveled they had already slipped under his shirt, massaging his smooth skin, pulling the soft cotton of the t-shirt over his head.

In that moment, it was as if no one else existed in the world besides the two of them. Rafael swung his legs over the edge of the mattress, gripping Olivia by the ass, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood to his feet she began stripping herself of his dress shirt from the night before as he leads them into the shower.

* * *

“So this is your favorite place to eat in all of Bronx?”

“Yup, every Saturday after dance classes me, my mom, abuela, and abuelo would come here for brunch. It was like clockwork.” She leaned her head on his shoulder as they sat side by side in the booth—not wanting to be so far apart for not even five minutes.

“You brought me to one of your purest childhood memories you have after fucking my brains out? Twice?” She snorted at the thought.

“Olivia!”

“It’s almost been two months, there’s no way you aren’t used to this mouth.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you and Eddie are the same person.”

“As long as you aren’t clapping both our cheeks!” She quipped, “I’m not biphobic or anything.” She blurted, “Only mine.” She placed her hand on the crotch of his jeans. “No one else.” A quick shiver pulsed through him.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else, Cariño.” He craned his neck to kiss the top of her head.

“Rafi?” Rafael’s heart sunk deeper than the lasting remnants of the Titanic. “Rafi is that you?” He heard from across the diner.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, Olivia sat up, turning towards him, a worried glance pointed in his direction, “I didn’t think this through at all.”

“Think what through?” Olivia raised a single eyebrow in confusion.

“Rafi! I knew that was you—oh. Hello! Who's this?”

“Hola, Mami.” He greeted the dark-haired woman flatly.

“Excuse me!” She waved down the hostess, “We’d like to join this table.” She smiles cheekily as she takes her seat across her son.

“We? Whose we?” He shot expectantly.

“Relax a little won’t you? It’s just tus abuelos.” Rafael squinted at his mother. “Mami, over here! Look who we found.” Lucia waved her parents over.

“My sweet Rafi!” She leaned across the table to plant a wet loving kiss on his cheek. “You’ve been ignoring us since the divorce, is that any way to treat your poor abuelos who just want to make sure you’re adjusting well.” Rafael brushes his free hand over his face. “How rude of me! I’m Catalina, Rafael’s grandmother and this is my husband Alberto, he’s a man of very few words so don’t mind him! And you are?” Rafael squeezes Olivia’s hand.

“I’m Ol—“

“We’re just leaving. Maybe next time we can catch up?”

“Rafa.” Olivia glares at him, “That was rude. I was speaking.”

“I’m so sorry, Liv. I will make it up to you tenfold if we get out of here, now.”

“No.” She turned to him, “I’m hungry. I’m not going anywhere until you feed me as you promised.” Her eyes turning into dark slits as she eyed him.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He agrees with her before she can bring up some vulgar comment of him working her over to the point of starvation in front of his mother and grandparents.

“This is Olivia. Olivia this is my mother Lucia and my grandparents Catalina and Alberto.” Rafael speaks cooly as Olivia sips on her coffee.

“It’s nice to meet you all.” Olivia offers.

“I like this one, she's spicy _and_ well mannered.” Catalina smiles knowingly at the couple, “I hope you keep my Rafi on his toes.”

“I do my best.” She blushed.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Lucia calls the attention upon herself, “and sorry if this comes off as a surprise to us since Rafi didn’t think to call his mother and tell her he’s seeing someone y tan pronto después del divorcio.”

“Mami—“

“Don’t you ‘Mami,’ me! He estado muy preocupado por ti estos últimos tres meses. ¿Es un delito levantar el teléfono y llamar a tu madre? ¡Solo para hacerle saber que no te suicidaste o algo así!” Lucia rapidly reprimands her son for his lack of checking in.

“Is this really the appropriate place for this conversation?”

“When you don’t pick up the phone at home, in office, or on your cell when do you say is the most appropriate time?”

“Luci, cut him a break, mija.” Alberto is soft-spoken and calm through and through. “The niño has been through a lot, the last thing he wants is to have his madre checking in on him as if he’s some type of invalid.”

“Lo siento,” Lucia apologizes to her father.

The waiter comes to take their orders, lastly, Liv is up, “And for you ma’am?” He smirks, drinking in Olivia’s beauty. Rafael feels a flare in his chest, pulling her in closer with the arm he has wrapped around her torso.

“Um, I’m sorry, I didn’t look through the menu. Rafa, can you order for me?” She feels uncomfortable under the burning gazes of the waiter and his mother. “Something different than yours so I can try yours.” He nodded his head with a smirk playing on his lips.

“She’ll have the tea with half and half and two sugars on the side.” He spits out her drink order mindlessly as he scanned the rest of the menu. “And to eat, the New York Deli Omelette with egg whites, home fries well done, and for the bread can she sub the toast for a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese? The extra charge is fine,” Rafael clarifies before the waiter could ask.

“What he said,” Olivia gazed up at him in awe—the authority and confidence he brought into any given room never failed to get her heart beating out of her chest and the hyperactive butterflies occupying her stomach into a frenzy.

God, she was falling for him—and hard.

The food came out in between light surface-level conversations. Everyone began to dig in as Raf and Olivia picked off of each other’s plates, giggling and genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

“God, Rafa! This is so good it’s like sex in my mouth—“ Rafael pinched her outer thigh glaring at her, she jolted at the burning sensation, her knee colliding with the underside of the table due to her sudden movements. Immediately her cheeks reddened, “I am so sorry,” She apologized profusely. Catalina couldn’t help but let out a full belly laugh. She liked Olivia, a lot.

“I could go for some sex in my mouth, right about now.” She winked at Olivia. Alberto tilted his head to the side with a slight raise in his shoulders, a smirk playing on his face.

“Abuelaaa,” Rafael groaned in disgust, “I’m eating here!”

“And I’m glad! A few months ago, I thought you were going to wither up and disappear!” She gave him the ojo. “Thank you, Olivia, I was so worried about him—he always gets to wrapped up with his work, I’m lucky if I can convince him to stop and have one meal.”

“Why are you thanking me?” She couldn’t tamp down there red blossoming on her cheeks or the ever-growing smile on her face.

“Well, for being the reason Rafi has finally slowed down, of course! Stopping to smell the roses y enjoying life to the fullest!” Her thick Cuban accent melted Olivia’s heart straight through.

As everyone finishes up their meals, the waiter comes to take their plates and utensils.

“I’d love to Mrs.—“

“Actually, ‘Livia, please call me Catí, and we’ll play it by ear, Mamacita,” Catalina chuckles, winking at a blushing Olivia.

“Oh—okay!” She smiles, her heart swelling with love for the man next to her as his grandparents shower her with love and compliments.

“Entonces, ¿quién es, como se dice, el floozy para ti? Ella es tu novia o solo el sabor del mes? ¿Qué le vas a decir a Yelina cuando regrese?” Lucia whispers, thinking she’s being discreet enough to get the conversation rolling without her parents or son’s date noticing.

“That’s enough—“ Alberto’s raised fed up tone is cut off by his wife’s simultaneous admonishment.

“Lucia!” Catalina seethes in her seat.

“It’s not like she can understand us, relax.” Lucia rolls her eyes, if she hadn’t given birth to him, Rafael could’ve sworn a child was sitting in the seat across from him.

“Yes, Mami she actually can understand you because Olivia is fluent in Spanish!” He steams, Olivia takes his hand, drawing small circles on his palm to calm him. “Yelina and I are done! Finished! Divorced!”

“Rafi, fourteen years is a lot of time to just throw away, is all I’m saying...”

“Don’t tell me that! Don’t you think I know that? The woman I _loved_ , past tense, threw me and everything we ever built together to the wayside for a half-brained scuba instructor and a quick fuck—“

“Rafi! Language.”

“This is your problem, Mami. You focus on all the wrong things. I am literally sitting here with somebody else. Can’t you see that I’ve moved on already? Why can’t you? Is it that hard to let her go? Someone who cheated on your son not even 48 hours into their marriage? Let her go because I have.”

“I’m sorry Rafi, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Of course you didn’t, you never do. I just wish you would stop bringing her up—this—this is why I haven’t been picking up your calls. You do this, you do this every time I decide I want to leave her. I don’t want you convincing me to take her back. I’m happy _here_ with _Olivia._ She makes me happier than I can ever recall feeling with Yelina in the fourteen years we were together. So please just drop it and if you can’t then I’m sorry we can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep having you dangling this over my head.” A beat. “If you can’t pick your son's happiness that doesn’t have Yelina in it...” Rafael shakes his head throwing $100 bill down on the table signaling to Olivia he was ready to go.

“It was really nice meeting all of you,” she uttered softly, in her attempt to be polite while sliding out of the booth,Rafael wastes no time tugging her away from the table. Once down the street from the diner, he pulls her in for a hug before exhaling the tension building in his back.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“No, I have to be sorry, my mom just trashed you without knowing a single thing about you.”

“I’m fine. We’re fine. Everything’s in order, baby, don’t worry.” She shrugs it off as if the words didn’t hurt her—but they did, they cut deep, transporting her back to a time when her very own mother said worse things to her over the years they had together.

“I feel terrible, you just met my family. I put you in the hot seat."

“You didn’t know they’d be there Rafa, it’s okay, really.” _I’m used to it._ She swallowed. 

"How can you be so cool about this? I didn’t even defend you—I was too busy defending myself!”

“Rafa, look at me.” She rested her hand on the side of his face, stroking it comfortingly. “I’m here, supporting you. A few mean words aren’t gonna scare me off.” She softly pressed her lips against his, breathing him in.

“You promise?” He mumbles against her lips, pulling away ever so slightly.

“Promise.” She closes the gap once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pregunta loca que tienes cuando ella no está conmigo = crazy questions you have when she is not with me  
> tus abuelos = your grandparents  
> el ojo = the eye  
> y tan pronto después del divorcio = and so soon after the divorce  
> He estado muy preocupado por ti estos últimos tres meses. ¿Es un delito levantar el teléfono y llamar a tu madre? ¡Solo para hacerle saber que no te suicidaste o algo así = I have been worried sick about you these last three months. Is it a crime to pick up the phone and call your mother? just to let her know you didn’t kill yourself or something!  
> “Entonces, ¿quién es, como se dice, el floozy para ti? Ella es tu novia o solo el sabor del mes? ¿Qué le vas a decir a Yelina cuando regrese?' = So, who is, how do you say, floozy, to you? Is she your girlfriend or just the flavor of the month? What are you going to say to Yelina when she comes back?
> 
> Most likely will be a time jump in the next chapter.


	8. “I’m liberating you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorty (and maybe a goodie)! I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but this fic takes place during season 8 post-Dani Beck.

“Raf?”

“Yes?”

“You’re graying in the beard.”

“Yes, Olivia, it’s because you’ve been driving me crazy.”

“Cute. Real cute.”

“That, you are.”

“Have you ever considered maybe you’re going gray at 33 because you’re wasting your life sorting through throw pillows?”

“You really hate these things, don’t you?”

“More than I love the beard.”

“Woah. That’s a lot.”

“They serve no purpose!”

“Olivia—“

“They’re purely decorative!”

“Not this rant again.”

“They aren’t comfortable to actually sleep with!”

“So now you’re against decoration?”

“Rafael. Two or three out on the couch makes sense. But what grown man has eighteen completely useless, extremely uncomfortable, excessively decorative pillows on his bed?”

“I’m feeling the judgment here.”

“You really should.”

“You know Olivia, you really know how to make a man feel loved.”

“Have you never wondered why in the two and half months we’ve been having sex, we only ever do it at my place?” He shrugs, come to think of it—that thought never crossed his mind.

“Instead of making an ass of myself, I suppose you already know the answer to that.”

“Duh!” She squints at him, folding her arms across her chest. “Spending 10 minutes dealing with stupid pillows and unmaking the bed, kills the mood—in fact, it puts me to sleep.”

“So what I’m hearing is...we should be spending more nights at your apartment and not at my house?” Olivia’s glare deepened. “Sorry!” He ducks as she launches one at his head.

“We argue about this at least twice a week—it’s the _only_ thing we argue about. What is it about these damn pillows that has you so committed—“ Olivia swallows, mid-sentence.

“Olivia,” He sighs.

“Unless they aren’t yours.”

“They aren’t.”

“You...still love her?”

“No!” Rafael quickly drops the last pillow on the floor, climbing into the bed. Olivia hesitates, standing on wobbly knees as she eyes what she’s come to consider _her_ side of their bed.

“Then...?” Her voice trails off.

“It’s not because I love her, why I still deal with these damned things,” Rafael takes her hand into his, pulling her toward him, she compromises—taking a seat at the edge of the bed, feeling like a stranger in the bed she’d grown so accustomed to. “It was just the routine of it all. We spent weeks shopping for these futile and impractical pillow sets. Her eyes lit up as she’d talk about the significance of Egyptian cashmere.” He shook his head. “You don’t care about that—“

“I want to know, Raf.” She inched closer to the edge.

“It’s dumb, but it made me feel important? Validated? Like I mattered, I suppose.” He inched closer to her, “Every morning we spent ten to fifteen minutes putting the pillows in their exact places and making the bed, as we were doing that we would talk about our expectations and goals for the day. And when we were turning the bed down at night we talked about our highs and lows. It felt like genuine quality time, she made me feel as though I was actually doing something right. And in those few moments every day, she wasn’t nagging me about every little detail that I could be doing better. She was bearable, I could stomach her, and the thought of us didn’t make me sick. The way she would look at me with so much admiration—she loved the fact that I was willing to sacrifice the time for her happiness.” He grabbed for her hand, “I don’t know why I thought that maybe if I kept up the charade I could prove it to you, maybe you’d see the good in me too?“

“Rafa...you don’t have to prove anything to me. I know you. I know your soul. And I know what an amazing man you are through and through.”

“Liv...I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry. I keep letting her—and something so stupid cause a rift between us.”

“No, no, there’s no rift.” Olivia crawled closer to him, “It’s you and me still.” He rested his head on her left shoulder.

“All this extra baggage, you didn’t sign up for this.” She bends her left arm to caress the soft thick locks on his head.

“Inside and out, you’re perfect.” She whispered, “I want you and all your baggage.”

“I can’t help but feel like a burden.”

“Ease up?” She pats his head.

“Where are you going?” He raises his head peering longingly into her eyes.

“I’ll be right back,” she reassured him, his eyes screamed for her to stay there and hold him but his mouth remained silent. A few minutes later Olivia returned from the kitchen.

“Olivia?”

“Rafa?”

“Should I be scared right now?”

“No, of course not. Why would you?”

“Because you’re holding two steak knives?”

“Rafa if I wanted to hurt you I wouldn’t have _two_ knives and I would’ve blitzed you with the meat cleaver.”

“Remind me to get rid of that thing, yeah?”

“Nah, I like to keep you on your toes.”

“Can you please explain to me why you have two knives if not to disembowel me?”

“I’m liberating you.”

“From my corporal form?”

“For the love of God, just pass me two pillows.” She carefully slid the knife across the bed to him, signaling with her head to stand up. He picks up serval pillows tossing them onto the bed. “Now pick up your knife and just—“ Olivia plunges the pointed object into the center of the decorative material.

“Oh my—“

“Try it! It feels good!” She chuckled darkly.

“This is a side of you, I’ve never seen before. And frankly, she scares me...and kinda turns me on.” Rafa checked her out for the first time since they’d gotten ready for bed, she wore a collared contra shorts two-piece silk pajama set in fire red with metallic gray trimmings and matching colored button appliqués—this specific set she’d only wear when he is around, as the rationale she used to purchase the $45 set was how much she loved it because, the red of the silk made the green in his eyes pop.

“C’mon, Rafa!” She called jolting him back to reality. “Imagine it’s her face!”

“And how would you know what that looks like?”

“I’m just imagining any ugly snaggletoothed bitch dumb enough to break my man’s heart!” Olivia’s weapon of choice pressed into the pillow again, dragging the serrated blade down the expanse of the pillow. Rafael watched as the feathers escape the confines of the rough fabric, bursting at the seams, his eyes widen as a few fathers land in her hair. “I knew these little shits were feathered! They kept sticking me at night!” She rolled her eyes, ripping the already torn pillow in half with her bare hands—the feathers filled the air.

“Isn’t she lucky you don’t know what she looks like.” He raised an eyebrow as Olivia chucked the pillow to the side, grabbing for the next one.

Rafael looked at her with absolute love and affection thrumming in his chest. He adored every little thing about Olivia— from how her frenzied brown eyes focused only on the object in her grasp so intently, he could barely believe she looked at him like that—with her full attention and her whole heart; to the way she coated her lips with saliva so thoroughly—he badly wanted to claim her bottom lip between his teeth; he loved how she stood so tall, with her shoulders relaxed, and hips pointed out to the side with the confidence to boot; he loved how she’d do anything to make him feel better; how she was a sealed box with a hundred different keys—but every day spent with her, he found a new one and she handed him a piece of her heart to have, to hold, and to protect. And he would until his last fighting breath, as long as she’d allow him.

“Rafa!” Her frenetic giggles filled his ears, “Don’t make me come over there! I shouldn’t be having a better time than you.”

Rafael finally caved, clenching the cool carbon fiber of the handle between his thick fingers and his palm. Rafael hesitantly raised the knife above his head before forcefully ramming the sharp serrated edge into the depths of the pillow, “fuuuck,” he exhaled pleasurably.

“Feels good, eh?” Olivia smirked at him throwing all the pillows into the bed as the two of them nosedive into a hysterical stabbing binge, the newly deformed pillows as their victims.

“Fuck,” stab. “You,” stab. “For,” stab. “Wasting,” stab. “Fourteen,” stab. “Years,” stab. “Of,” stab. “My,” stab. “Life!” stab.

“Raf!” Olivia drops her steak knife, running over to his side of the bed, “You’re getting mattress! You’re getting mattress!” She maneuvers the weapon out of his hand unscathed.

“Oh, God. Thank you, Liv!” He cupped her face-attacking her mouth. “That felt so good! How’d you know that’s what I needed?”

“Every good woman knows what her man needs,” she winks, leaning up slightly to peck his lip. “You bottle up those emotions in that pretty little heart of yours. It’s okay to hate her. It’s okay to say it out loud. She hurt you in the worst way possible, it’s okay to feel that, it’s okay to talk about it.”

“We’ll hate her together?” He chuckles.

“I don’t actually hate her.”

“Oh?”

“If she wasn’t so stupid and irresponsibly reckless with your heart, you’d still be with her and unhappy. You and I would’ve never met. So maybe I have some things to thank her for, after all.”

“Maybe it’s time to celebrate her, then?” He pulls her against his chest by her waist.

“No.” She pressed her lips onto his, “We’re celebrating your liberation day.” They fell back into the sea of feathers, wrapped up into each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like you all want to see more of Catí and Berto (Raf’s Abuelos). I have a few chapters already planned out and some half-written so...ask and ye shall receive! It may be a few updates away and will probably be a bit short BUT it will be just fluffy and kinda funny interaction between Raf and his abuelos!


	9. “I don’t see how this is any of your business.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so! My laptop's battery is seriously f*cked and I use it for EVERYTHING-work, school work, pastimes, etc. so it's taking me longer to post but I've been writing A LOT (on my phone)! I have the next two chapters ready and written and just needing to be edited. The next chapter will probably be up by tonight or early tomorrow. 
> 
> This chapter is short and kinda boring, but it's just a filler.

“I can’t wait to meet your boyfriend on our double date tonight.” Fin smiles sneaking up behind her.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Fin.”

“Sure, he’s not.” He rolls his eyes, taking his rightful place, sitting on the corner of her desk. “Are you fuckin’ ‘em?”

“Fin—“ her cheeks redden at the memory of their nights of passion and pleasure, hell mornings too.

“Are you fuckin’ him?”

“Yes—can we use a better word?”

“Are y’all making love?”

“Worse. That’s definitely worse.”

“What the hell do you want me to say?”

“Sex. Intercourse. Hanky panky. The devil’s slow dance? I don’t know, but please, anything but those two.” Olivia rolled her eyes getting a taste of her own vulgar medicine.

“Sure, prissy princess. Are you havin’ sex anyone else?”

“No,” she bites her lip.

“Is he fuckin’ you—“

“Fin!” She warns, “I think the answer to that one’s pretty obvious.” She cut him off.

“Is he sleepin’ with you, _exclusively_. Is what I was gonna ask.” He smirks at her jumpiness.

“Well, I sure hope so for his safety.” She mumbles to herself, but she isn’t quiet enough for Fin to miss her comment.

“You two go on dates and spend nights together just doin’ nothin’?” She nods hesitantly, knowing what he was getting at. “And somehow he ain’t your boyfriend?”

“Fin, stop putting a label on everything.”

“I’m not putting a label on anything, just callin’ it how I see it.” He shrugs at his best friend.

“Labels and having to explain our relationship just complicate everything.” She exhaled rolling her eyes at the stack of papers on her desk. He crossed his arms still sat at the corner edge of her desk, trying to get his point across before Elliot got back to his seat.

“Do you like him?” Olivia nodded. “Like a lot or a little?”

“A lot.” She says under her breath.

“And if he were to never call you again, you’d be down? And miss him?” She nodded again—a sudden sadness filling her heart. “Then, Olivia, you’re the only one complicatin’ anything.” He stands up heading back to his desk as Stabler approaches the chatting best friends.

“What’s been going on between you and Fin? You two have been chatting up an awful lot lately.” Stabler plops down in his seat, leaning on his elbows—inching himself closer to her.

“He’s my best friend, El. We’re always chatty.” She clarifies.

“I thought I was your best friend, too.” His sad blue eyes plead with her, for her understanding.

“We’re partners, Elliot. Our relationship is different.”

“Are you still mad at the whole Dani thing?”

“No.”

“Olivia.” He pleads one last time.

“We’re partners. Our ‘love’ is different. I’m not upset at the Dani thing, but you made it pretty clear, partners are replaceable. And I want to make it abundantly clear, best friends are not.” She stands, grabbing the file she’d been going through, rising from her seat to return it to the filing room.

“Olivia, if something is going on—you can tell me. I wish we could talk like we used to.” His sad voice followed her through the squad room.

“You don’t want to be handled, remember?” She called behind her as her phone vibrated in her pocket.

Olivia always felt that if he finally left Kathy, something was going to happen between the two of them. Initially, she felt like she was being strung along and toyed with for years after she found out about his affair with Dani Beck. But now? She couldn’t care less, she finally has someone who treats her as his priority and not just an option. Dare she say she found the man of her dreams. She was passed the jealousy and anger she felt coursing through your veins, once upon a time.

So what was it? She found the anger compounding within her—many small things. All the small things. The way his gaze toward her was always filled with affection, longing, and regret. Could it be what he said to her? How they got into it before she transferred to computer crimes? The way he always ran men away from her? Olivia honestly couldn’t tell you why she was still upset with Stabler, just the fact that she was, is enough justification for her.

Olivia glanced down at her phone, smiling once she reads Rafael’s name flash across the screen.

**‘Hi, Gorgeous.’**

_‘What do you want?’_

**_‘Damn...no hello handsome?’_ **

_‘No.’_

_‘I know you’re up to something.’_

_‘You’re always up to something.’_

**_‘Can’t I just check in on my pretty lady?’_ **

_‘In the middle of a workday?’_

_‘I repeat, what do you want?’_

**‘Busy?’**

_‘Never too busy for you.’_

**‘Lunch?’**

_‘Of course.’_

_‘Wait, what’s the catch?’_

**‘Why does there have to be a catch?’**

_‘Because you plan what you’re going to say to me in your head, four days in advance.’_

_‘Why the sudden lunch plans?’_

**‘Maybe there’s an ulterior motive.’**

_‘Jesus, Rafael. Just spit it out before my retirement party.’_

**‘Funny.’**

**‘Eddie wants to formally meet you.’**

**‘We’re in the city.’**

**‘Forlini’s?’**

_‘Sure.’_

_‘What time?’_

**‘Can you take lunch within the next fifteen minutes?’**

_‘Anything for you.’_

**‘Ain’t I lucky? (:’**

**‘Also...’**

**‘Stop smiling. Badass Benson doesn’t smile.’**

_‘Who says I’m smiling?’_

**‘You’re always smiling when talking to me.’**

_‘Get off my phone, loser.’_

**‘I’ll see you soon, Livy!’**

**‘Kisses and hugs! x’**

“Maybe she’s not that mad at me?” Stabler insinuates as he glances over at Olivia, hovering over Fin’s desk hoping for some information.

“Trust me she ain’t smilin’ over ya.” Fin sits back in his desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You know something.” He faked surprised.

“Boy, I know everything.”

“Why is she mad at me?”

“Actually, I don’t know about that.” Fin smirked. If there is one thing Odafin Tutuola is, is trustworthy. Anything Olivia has ever disclosed to him is locked up tight in the maximum security safe that is his mind.

“C’mon, Fin. You two talk every day. And you’re trying to tell me it’s never come up?” Stabler presses a little harder.

“Believe it or not, our friendship don’t revolve around you or this Precinct.”

“Hey, I’m going for a bit,” Olivia announced as she stepped out of Cragen’s office. Munch shoots her a suspicious look, one of his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline. Olivia rolls her eyes, shooing him away with her hand as she subtlety fixes her makeup.

“Hey, Liv!” Stabler jogged over to their conjoined desks as she was throwing on her jacket. “Do you think we could grab a quick lunch after you get back?”

“That’s actually where I’m heading now.” She couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off her face long enough to remember she was so upset with him, that she shouldn’t be smiling at him.

“This early?”

“That’s why they call it an early lunch.” She smirked at him, and for the first time since March of last year, Stabler felt things between the two of them were normal, good even.

“Who’s the lucky fellow?” Fin’s ears picked up the lingering conversation, sparing the partners a passing glance.

“Who says there’s a fellow?” She stiffens slightly, unnoticeable to any onlookers and even Stabler.

“You were just reapplying your lipstick. It has to be someone pretty special.” He leaned against the desks, smiling at his detective skills much to her dismay.

“I don’t see how this is any of your business,” she nodded toward Fin before strutting out of the squad room without her purse on her shoulders or sparing him a single glance.

“Liv!” He spotted her purse sitting in the slightly ajar file drawer at the bottom left of her desk. “Liv your purse.” He called out as she kept walking until she disappeared down the hallway. “She’s either going on a date or not going to lunch at all.” He eyed her best friend who simply shrugged his shoulders in response while scrolling through his phone. Swallowing his annoyance with all the secrecy going on the one-six he knocked on the captain’s door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, Cap’ do you think I could take a quick lunch?” Stabler stuck his head through the crack he made in the opening.

“Elliot, don’t even think about it.” He stopped writing, looking up at his detective first grade.

“Think about wha—“

“Think about following, Olivia.”

“I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“She hasn’t shown signs of distress or any reason we shouldn’t trust her. Besides, she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself. She doesn’t need a baby sitter.” Cragen emphasizes the last part.

“What if the eco-terrorist are trailing her?”

“Well, since they’re in FBI custody in Oregon—a—don’t know she isn’t in custody—b—and have no idea that she isn’t Persephone—c— I think our sweet little Olivia Benson will be just fine.” Stabler nods his head, finding no other reason to argue.

* * *

“Liv, this is Eddie! My best friend.” Olivia extends her arm for a handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says slowly trying to place him.

“We’ve met before!” He sends her a modest smile.

“Not formally, you probably wouldn’t remember him from the bar that first night but he was the one who dragged me all the way out to a cop bar on a Thursday night.” She smiled gratefully over toward her lover’s best friend. “But the next night when we went dancing he was standing right next to me when you pulled me out to the dance floor.”

“Ah, yes. I knew I saw your face somewhere—just couldn’t place it.”

“Yeah,” he said smugly.

“I guess I should thank you for dragging Rafa to a boring cop bar all the way out in Manhattan during the week,” she chuckled lightly.

“Nah, anything to assure my bestie’s happiness—no thanks necessary.” He eyes her, with a knowing smirk plastered on his face.

“Rafa, why is he staring at me like that?” She whispers.

“Don’t ask,” he shook his head, smacking Eddie on the back of his shiny practically bald noggin.

They head over to their booth, he stands as Olivia slides in, climbing in after her, Eddie sits across from them beaming from ear to ear. They talk amongst themselves joking lightly while getting to know each other as the food comes Olivia chuckles. 

“Two dates in one day, Rafa? I sure hope you’re wallet can afford it.”

“Hm?” He chuckles softly at her cute smirking face.

“Maybe I forgot my purse at the precinct?” She gave him the cheekiest grin she could muster up, leaning into him.

“Is this from forgetful Olivia or spiteful Olivia?”

“I don’t have a spiteful bone in my body.”

“So this has nothing to do with my lecturing you on the importance of budgeting last night?”

“Oh, whatever do you mean, honey?” She feigns innocence.

“Is that your foreplay, Rafi?” Eddie bubbles with laughter.

“Mmm,” Olivia moans playfully, “listening to him go on and on about rollover IRA accounts, 401ks, retirement, pensions, my checkings, and savings accounts— it just gets me all hot and going,” she jests.

“That’s probably why you ended up riding my face last night, huh?”

“Anything to get you to stop blabbing.” She pats his peck, leaning her head onto his shoulder.

Eddie starts coughing, choking on the Perrier he’d been sipping on moments before.

“Are you okay compañero?”

“Oh, fuck.” He catches his breath. “I like her.” He laughs in between bouts of coughing, “keep this one around!” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“I just knew bringing you two together was going to dame un dolor de cabeza.” Olivia and Eddie fist-bumped, as he rolled his eyes. Dealing with these two, he wouldn’t be surprised if they got stuck back there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> compañero = buddy  
> dame un dolor de cabeza = give me a headache
> 
> The double date will be the next chapter.


	10. Reassurance

“You know, you never did explain to me why this meet up was so impromptu.” Olivia pesters as they walk hand in hand back to the one-six.

“Is saying Eddie is annoying enough?”

“I can say the same for you.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Take that back.” Rafael pins her to the side of the wall outside the precinct, on the multistory building directly across the street.

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll kiss you senseless right out here in front of all your coworkers.”

“There are trained marksmen in there.”

“And maybe this is the way I want to go out.”

“You are so dramatic!” She rolls her eyes.

“Me haces sentir emociones tan drásticas y crudas, ¿de qué otra manera me expresaría?”

“Rafa...” her eyes flicker from his green ones down to his thin parted pink lips, eyeing that delicious and talented tongue of his. Her knees began to wobble at the sound of Spanish rolling off the tongue that did such delightful things to her body just the night before. She leaned in closer to him—

“Uh, uh, uh.” His breath brushed against her lips, making her insides quiver. “You trying to lose your street cred Ms. Independent-I-Don’t-Need-A-Man-Badass-Benson?” His thumb and pointer finger cupped her chin, “Is it really worth risking everyone knowing that you’re my baby, Benson?”

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me!” She whispered against his lips. She fingered the loops of the golden chain decorating the lithe skin of his neck pulling him into her as her mouth crashed into his—their lips dancing together in perfect harmony.

The public display of affection, bordering indecent exposure as hands are fumbling and groping body parts, that would’ve raised many alarms if not for the golden badge clipped onto her belt.

The strength her hands possessed as they gripped the plump mounds hidden beneath the neatly fitted slacks that gracefully adorned his skin, sent her heart into a frenzy, and her head spinning wild. Fortunately for Olivia, the bulging veins on his arms pressed into her side steadying her. His arms were sturdy and secure, they grounded her and stopped her head from swimming.

“You have to go,” he mumbled as he gently bit down on her bottom lip.

“My lunch ends in 3 minutes...” she sighs. “Walk me up?” She was hesitant but wanted to be out of his presence even less. His fingers possessed such power and elegance it nearly stole the breath right from her lungs, as he silently agreed by intertwining their digits together, pulling her off of the brick wall. The way he held her hand so tightly she couldn’t help but be present in the here and now.

As the couple steps off the elevator, she comes to a halt, “let me guess...no five-cent tour?”

“Next time, I promise. After you meet Fin.” She leaned up to peck his lips.

“He wanted to be first.”

“Huh?”

“Eddie.”

“Eddie?”

“Eddie wanted to meet you formally before I met Fin.” He kissed her nose. “The question you asked me outside.” He gently reminded her.

“Oh, yeah.” She blushed completely forgetting about what brought her to this moment of being thoroughly kissed out in front of her place of work. “You’re stalling.”

“I know,” he wrapped his arms around her, “this is why I don’t check-in, in the middle of the day—I’ll drop everything—I don’t want to go.”

“You’ll see me later, we have a double date tonight.”

“Alright, you’re right I suppose.”

“Repeat that for me? I want to record it.”

“Never in a million years, mi pequeña reina.”

“Okay, we have to go for real now.” She made no moves to let him go.

“Not without a real kiss.”

“You just had several real kisses.”

“Yes, but now I want a real goodbye kiss to tide me over.”

“Okay, but only one.” She planted her lips on his for a brief moment, she felt his tongue asking for entrance and she couldn’t help herself but let him in. After several brief moments of dancing and tasting each other their tongues began to fight for dominance, she surrendered letting him explore the corners of her mouth, she suctioned his tongue in between her lips to signal the end of the kiss. He gnawed on her bottom lip before pulling away completely.

“That was one hell of a goodbye.”

“More of What’s to come later, baby.” She winked. He pecked her lips.

“Bye-bye, bebé.” He released her from his hold as the elevator doors opened.

“See you later, love.” She waved as he stepped inside, not walking away until the doors shut completely.

_Fuck_

She loved him. She was so sunk. There was nothing she could do about it, she couldn’t even fight it, her heart was so sure, so set on him—Rafael Barba. Could he be her forever?

Olivia practically floated into the squad room, unaware of all the eyes on her. She got to her desk stripping her outerwear off before plopping into her seat, powering up her computer.

“Are you gonna tell us? Or do we have to pry?” Munch looked over his thick-rimmed glasses.

“Tell you what?”

“Who he is?”

“Who, who is?” Olivia feigned confusion so well, Fin nearly believed her.

“The guy we saw you kissing outside 10 minutes ago.” Stabler chimed in.

“Me? Kissing someone?”

“Yeah, you.”

“Wasn’t me.” She shrugged, playing her best poker face. “What would have taken me ten minutes to get upstairs?”

“You tell us.”

“But there’s nothing to tell?”

“Olivia you strolled in here on cloud nine,” Munch noted.

“Your lips are swollen and teeth marks imprinted on them.” A beat. “How could you have gone to lunch when you left your purse?” Stabler grills her with more hostility applied than intended.

“Am I in interrogation?” She tries her best to school her features and not sound defensive. “If you really must know! I got to the deli, ordered my sandwich, and when I got to the register I realized I forgot my wallet.” If looks could kill, the balding buff man in front of her would be dead by now. “When I’m nervous I chew on my lips! Some uni saw my gold shield and spotted me for my lunch out of the kindness of his heart.”

“What’s his name? I’d like to thank him for getting our Livy love out of trouble.”

“I don’t know! He told me don’t worry about it, it was $7 I didn’t think I’d have to take down his social for my squad to vet him!” She all but yelled.

“Okay-ok! the two of ya cut that shit out before Cragen gets out here and sanctions all of us.” Fin steps in to diffuse the situation.

“Who were you meeting for lunch at a deli that couldn’t pay for your $7 sandwich, so a uni had to step in and save you? Since when do you chew on your lips when you’re nervous?”

“I don’t need saving! I spent months blending in with terrorist and I got myself to the other side just fine. I don’t need you to protect me! So sorry, I developed a new habit that wouldn’t give me away.”

“Ol—“

“Enough! The two of you leave her the hell alone!” Fin snapped. “It’s hard enough to adjust back to life with partners and checking in after spending months protecting yourself and keeping your cover without the two of you asinines givin’ her a hard time! I don’t want to hear another word on the subject or I’m goin’ to Cragen my damn self.” He glared at the two culprits before taking his seat. Silence fell over the four detectives as everyone got to work, Fin’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He dug it out to see Olivia’s face flashing across his screen.

_‘Thank you for that.’_

_‘I didn’t know what lie I was gonna pull out next.’_

**‘You know I always got your back, girl.’**

**‘But damn, you deserve an academy award for that shit.’**

* * *

“Rita?”

“Rafael?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I can ask you the same thing,” she smirks.

“Yeah, well I asked you first.” Olivia slipped her arms protectively around Rafael’s torso, unaware of who the Rita person was and how they knew each other—all she knew was she was a pretty brunette with ginger undertones and startling golden hazel brown eyes.

“I’m here on a double date with my boyfriend’s best friend? Odafin is in the bathroom.”

“Rita, you dirty defense attorney, you’re dating a detective?” He chuckled heartily at the discovery. “I thought you had a penchant for criminals.”

“One boyfriend! One! It was twelve years ago Rafael, let it go!” She chuckled rolling her eyes. “I assume the two of you are our double dates?” She raised an eyebrow wondering if that made sense aloud. “Have a seat please, Odafin just stepped away, he’ll be back shortly.” Olivia slid into the booth first, sitting in front of Rita.

Moments later, Fin approached the table, “You must be, Rafael?” Fin greets him with a warm smile and a firm handshake.

“And you must be, Fin.” Rafael stood to shake his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” They took their seats next to their mingling ladies.

“Yes, it's so good to finally put a face to the name, Olivia. Fin loves you.” She smiled softly, “it’s like you can do no wrong...so tell me, how do I achieve that status?” They both break out into a bout of laughter.

“Oh, trust me Liv, she can do plenty wrong.” He smirked over at her as she glared him into oblivion.

“Oh, I was unaware that you two knew each other?” Fin asked.

“It’s a small world, ultimately.” Rita placed her hand on top of her boyfriend’s.

“Rita and I were in the same cohort.” Rafael clarified, “she was my sounding board at Harvard.”

“Never met a man with so many reservations.”

“Tell me about it,” Olivia scoffed fondly.

“Hey!” Rafael pouted.

“I love all your reservations, don’t worry your precious little head—there isn’t another single soul on this planet I’m willing to listen complain and lecture me on the complexities of life.” She pecked his cheek.

“You’re a strong woman.” Rita joked.

“Fin, are you Olivia’s partner? Or shall I say work husband as she loves to describe.” Rafael changes the subject before Rita can carry on teasing him.

“Oh no, that’s Stabler.” He suppressed a grimace. “There’s trouble in paradise for those two, so maybe I will be her partner in the near future.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Olivia pinched her nose bridge.

“Yeah, they’ve been at each other’s necks since right before Olivia went undercover for the FBI.”

“Undercover?” Rafael turns his head looking at her. “And for the FBI?”

“Yeah it was random, she got mixed up in this eco-terrorism rape case and she was able to infiltrate completely undetected, something her FBI contact couldn’t do. And before we knew it, she was whisked away to the other side of the country, her desk was empty, phone disconnected, apartment cleared out, and her replacement was strolling in.”

“Oh—that’s—um.” Rafael cleared his throat, suddenly feeling constricted by bottoms off his shirt. “I—uh, I’m gonna use to the restroom.” Rafael fingered the top buttons of his shirt, as he slid out the booth—a grave panic and sadness set into his chest cavity. He’d known the dangers that came with her being an officer of the NYPD, but terrorism? FBI? Undercover? Away for months at a time without a word? How could he survive that?

Rafael couldn’t live without her.

He—he—he loved her!

His heart dropped into his ass, he did, didn’t he? He really loves Olivia Margret Benson. The most stubborn and intriguing woman he’d ever encountered in his life. After six short months, he’d felt more for her than he ever did with the woman he married. He was fucked, monumentally.

“Fuck,” Olivia ran her hand over her face, “I’ll be right back.”

“Liv, I’m so sorry I—“

“It’s okay, Fin. There’s no way you could’ve known.” She smiled weakly at him before sliding out the booth. “Rafa?” Olivia called out as she exited the back of the restaurant into the alleyway, to find the man she loved with his forehead pressed into the damp brick wall.

“Li-Liv.” His quivering voice barely sounded above a whisper. She gripped him firmly on the shoulders and turned him around, cupping his cheeks between her supple hands.

“Rafa, look at me. I’m right here.”

“Liv—I can’t—I can’t lose you.” He sobbed, dropping his head to her shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere, Rafa, I promise.” She carded her fingers through his hair as he calmed down. “Before I could drop everything and be at the beck and call of the criminal justice system—I had nothing to live for but to help others. No one to come home to, no one to worry about me or where I’d been, no one to check in with, no one that would even miss me when I was gone outside of the one-six.” She chewed her bottom lip hesitantly, “But I have you now. And I’m not going anywhere. I wouldn’t do that to you. You know me.” Rafael picked his head off her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sor—“ Olivia kissed his lips, pouring every ounce of whatever feelings she has brewing inside of her for him onto his lips. _Reassurance._ The kiss told him all he needed to know without having to say the words. “I’m so scared, Liv. I’m scared one day I’ll call and be faced with a dial tone and no explanation.”

“No, none of that.” She pressed a kiss into his jaw, she could feel the tension oozing out of his muscles. “Look at me, please Rafa?” He leaned his forehead against hers, “I was on loan to the FBI, I did my tour, I’m out. It’s over. I locked up some really bad people and they never learned my name.” She thumbed the drying tears off of his cheeks.

“I did it again?”

“It?”

“The moment.”

“What about it?”

“I ruined it.”

“No, no, you didn’t ruin a thing, babe.”

 _I love you_ danced on the tips of their tongues but they fight the urge to scream it from the rooftop at every step.

“Rafa—I—I—“

“I know, Liv. I know.” He looked deeply into her brown eyes, so deeply the flicker of the pole lights in the alley didn’t stop him from taking in the gold rays, reflected by the dim light, swirling around in the abyss of chocolate. Her eyes were always so telling-they were so full of life, full of stories to be told, they were a chamber of secrets he couldn’t wait to unlock, they were the portal to her soul. Rafael loved every bit of her sweet and luminous orbs; so deep and so beautiful he could see his whole world reflected in them.

“Olivia, I...”

“I know.” The unspoken truth lingered in the air between them, floating around was the when. “Maybe we should...” the air around them was so thick and heavy, laden with such intense emotions and intimacy, “go back inside before they begin to worry.”

He pulled her to his chest, allowing the magnetic pull he felt within to him to bring him closer to Olivia until the distance between their bodies was nothing, barely room for air to escape from in between them. His eyes devoured any doubt she may have had mingling in her own, there was a look to him that hit her like waves— a ripple of rain gradually getting harder by the second, he flopped their stance. She stood there, heart thumping in her chest, pressed against the wall. There was no terror clouding her features, just the sound of her heart loud enough for him to feel, strong enough to overwhelm everything but those inquisitive green eyes, she loved so dearly.

He pressed his cool lips to hers, feeling his mouth against hers like an artist’s brush against her clean canvas—intense, smooth, unpredictable but intentional. His thumb was gentling at the hollow of her neck, rubbing circles up and down. The pulsing warmth as his tongue conquered the depths of her mouth, it was hungry, it was consuming, he was pulling her into the center of him as she fought to find the ground again, his fingers traced slowly down her spine, grounding her swimming thoughts. Her hands were limp on his chest, as she began to feel lightheaded. He pulled away slightly. He tilted his head slowly, looking at her, truly, and for the second time, he kissed her lips very carefully, parting them slightly.

“Raf,” she mumbled breathlessly against his swollen appendages.

“Now, we can go in.” He touches his forehead to hers, kissing her nose as he pulled away.

Back at the table Fin was beating himself up, “Fuck.” He admonished himself.

“Fin, you couldn’t have known.” Rita grabbed at his forearm.

“That’s beside the point, I know her, I know she wouldn’t have spoke on it and yet I still opened my mouth?”

“Odafin.” She warned.

“What if I ruined this for her? She loves him—she’s fightin’ it like hell, but she loves him, I can see it. The way she talks about him, how she smiles when she’s thinkin’ ‘bout him or talkin’ to him, how absolutely terrified she is for the way she feels ‘bout ‘em. If I ruined this for her I’ll never forgive myself. I hope she never forgives me either—“

“Enough!” Rita turns to look at her boyfriend. “I know Rafael, he was my best friend in college. He has anxiety but he will be fine. If anything, this might make him hold onto her even tighter.” She rubbed his back reassuringly. “She’s your best friend, she’d never hold this against you. She’s too good of a person.”

“I see you fell for the Benson charm, already.” He smirked.

“Look they’re coming back.” A smile takes over her face, “They look happy! See I told you. Everything would turn out fine.”

“Welcome back,” Fin greeted wearily.

“Sorry we took so long,” Rafael offered as he allowed Olivia to slide into the booth, without releasing her hand, he slid in after her.

“Oh, no take your time with whatever,” Rita reassured. Fin was glancing over at his best friend, shooting her an apologetic smile, she waved him off, the grin of her face never wavering. “Um, Olivia?”

“Hmm?” She sang chirpily, meeting eyes with Rita.

“Your lipstick is...” Olivia’s fingers instantlybegan to wipe away any smudges around her lips, “mm, I wouldn’t say smudged.” She smirked, looking over at Rafael she snorted, “but it’s definitely a great look on you, Raf!” Olivia silently laughed, her whole body reddening, she pulled a makeup wipe out of her purse, taking Rafael’s chin in between her thumb and pointer finger, turning his head so he was facing her as she wiped the excess lipstick off of his mouth and slightly the surrounding area before he took the wipe out of her hand and gently ridding the small smudges at the creases, so she could reapply without worry.

“I’m glad ya ain’t swallow each other.” Fin commented as Olivia flipped him off. “ I hope it was a very good conversation.”

“Odafin, I hope you know—I’d arrest myself for indecent exposure if I ever fucked someone in an alley.”

“Wasn’t it just this mornin’ you told me I couldn’t use that word?” He folded his arms across his chest.

“Yeah,” she didn’t bother to look up at him from the mini mirror she was using to reapply her lipstick, “you can’t. But I can.”

“So the next time I ask if Rafioli over here is fuckin’ it goo-“

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Her eyes travel to the smirk on his face.

“I didn’t know a woman with such a potty mouth could hate curse words this much,” Rafael looked over at his love as she snapped the mirror shut, slipping it back into her purse.

“It’s cute and quirky coming from me, it’s distasteful coming from him. Very big difference.”

“Wait—did you call me Rafioli?” Sudden alarm rose in his eyes. Fin sat back and smirked.

“Definitely.”

“You told him!?” He glared at a laughing Rita.

“Told him what?” Olivia’s confusion only grew as Rita began to wheeze. “What’s Rafioli?”

“I-in college—“

“Rita Jacqueline Calhoun, don’t you fucking dare!” Rita’s eyes widened.

“Did you just—“

“Your middle name is Jacqueline?” Fin sounded surprised. Rita licked her slips slowly, sobering up from her laugh attack.

“Yes, it is.” She turned to Olivia, smiling devilishly. “Sophomore year of college—“

“Rita, I didn’t know he didn’t know!”

“—I caught Rafael jerking off into a Chef Boyardee can after he pissed Yelina off and she left him with blue balls.” Olivia choked on the water she’d been sipping.

“I will never forgive you.” Rafael pinched his nose bridge. “¿Por qué todos mis amigos pendejos?” He grumbled to himself as Olivia clutched onto his arm, the beautiful sound of her laughter fills his stomach with a warm bubbly feeling, chasing all his anger and annoyance away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me haces sentir emociones tan drásticas y crudas, ¿de qué otra manera me expresaría? = you make me feel such drastic and raw emotions, how else would I express myself?  
> mi pequeña reina = my little queen  
> bebé = baby  
> ¿Por qué todos mis amigos pendejos? = why are all my friends assholes?
> 
> So yes...I did say early this morning HOWEVER my wifi has been down until like 7 minutes ago, so forgive me (:  
> This fic may turn out to be longer than 15 chapters because somehow I'm already at 10??? but I've already started on four other chapters and the epilogue but that's not including the climax/peripety whatever I should call that mess and an idea to add more Lucia into the story OR (my next question) let me know if you guys care for this storyline with Elliot in it? Beause after next chapter I can drop him from this fic all together.


	11. Keys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, blame Clio for the bit of adult content in this chapter.

The television was on and streaming some random old sitcom on low but neither of them were paying much attention to it. Olivia sighed, fighting off the sleep that was ultimately consuming her, with an unencumbered sigh she closed her eyes, slinging the fleece blanket over her legs and sinking deeper into the couch, she grumbled as the soft covers veered off in the wrong direction. Rafael had a case file resting on the thigh she wasn't using as a pillow (since they’d destroyed all his throw pillows) as he idly ran his fingers through her hair. When his fingers hit a snag, he took his time separating the tangled strands, barely looking away from his work, he leaned over, affixing the blanket just the way she liked it.

"Your hair's getting pretty long." The wavy honey brown locks were dallying well past the shoulder length he’d met her with several months ago, even though her bangs stayed perfectly intact.

"Are you trying to say it’s time for a cut?"

“Mm, not implying anything.”

"I was looking at old pictures of me, I used to have short ass hair—like pixie cut short."

“Were you batting for the same team?”

“Can I plead the fifth?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not answering, that.”

“You answered me well enough.”

“You never know, after all I do love to keep you on the edge of your seat.”

“And it’s aging me an additional thirty years.”

“No, but really. Should I cut my hair?”

“A pixie cut with bangs? How would that look?”

“Are the bangs a deal-breaker for you or something?”

“Mm, no.” He feigned horror and she giggled at the sudden jerk of his body, and if her eyes weren’t closed she’d roll them. “You’d be beautiful with any haircut—even a mullet.”

“I had that too, before the pixie cut.”

“Now that I have to see!”

“Not even in your wildest dreams, I think I was on drugs or something during that time.” She silently cringes.

“I like the long hair.” He finally tore his eyes away from the papers in front of him. “Gives me something to hold onto when we—“ his words caught in his throat as she trailed her finger up his length.

“Cat got your tongue?” She flopped onto her belly, palming him through his gray sweatpants.

He threw the files to the side, hoisting her up onto his lap. Immediately she wrapped her arms around his neck, their lips meeting like opposite poles of a magnet.

“Maybe we should go out tomorrow?”

“Are you trying to seduce me into getting what you want?”

“Is it working?” She clamps down on his bottom lip, just the way he likes it.

“No.”

“Oh?” She rolls her hips.

“Fuuuck, Olivia.” He reprimands. “You play dirty.”

“And you always want to stay home.” She pouts, “Do you not want to be seen with me or something?”

“Woah—why would I not want to be seen with you?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs, fully sitting in his lap, knees relaxed as they press onto his side to keep her balance. “You just never seem to want to go out with me anymore,” he wraps his hands around her lower back, now officially supporting all her weight. “And tomorrow is our six month...and I just thought that maybe—we could—never mind.” She collapsed onto his chest, tucking her head under his chin.

“Livy, baby. It’s not that I didn’t want to be seen with you, I was gonna make you a candlelight dinner and draw you a rose petal bath.” His fingers trail underneath her shirt, trapezing across the soft skin under his fingertips.

“That’s sweet,” she sounds sincere yet slightly curt.

“Which can all be done after we go out?”

“Really Rafa?” She sat up again, her eyes twinkling, “You really mean it? And aren’t just saying it to appease me?”

“No, Liv. I have no problem going out with you, it’s just every time we go out lately it’s either with a close friend or run into a family member of mine.”

“It was just your mom, grandparents, two cousins, and an uncle.”

“Yes, Olivia because I hauled ass out of that Cuban Deli last night where three of my tias were having dinner!” Her smile widens, “If they ever heard I was dating again after that nasty divorce they’d chain us together and we’d be walking down the aisle before New Year’s.”

“Okay, so let’s go somewhere where your family won’t be? I mean we’ve never run into them when we were in the city we can go to a bar get some drinks maybe even go dancing?”

“That sounds brilliant, dancing and drinks, we make out while on the train or hell—I’ll spring for a taxi, and then back to my place for some Romancing?” She pecked his lips multiple times in succession.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Now let's get back to that thing we were doing before.”

“Oh, you mean this?” She began to grind against his lap feeling him react beneath her.

“Dios mío, ella va a ser mi muerte.” He grumbled as her mouth was on top of his, carding her fingers through his messy unstyled locks. A loud blaring from the other side of the couch triggered Olivia’s fight or flight.

“No, mother of God, please no!” She touched their foreheads as she sent her little prayer up, blindly reaching over for her phone. “Benson.” His eyes pled with the universe, please don’t make her go, not while they were in this predicament. “I just left the precinct two hours ago, I’m not on call this weekend.” He can hear the low rumbling of the phone call but nothing too distinct, “The whole squad?” His face physically deflated. “Okay I understand Captain.” She frowned at him, “Well, Captain...it’s gonna take me a little longer to get there, I’m in the Bronx.” A pause. “Yes, I had plans this weekend.” He could hear a hint of promise in the other person’s voice. “I’ll see you then.”

“You have to go, I suppose.”

“It’s rude to listen in on other people’s conversations.”

“It’s rude to have other conversations while in such compromising positions.”

“Let me take care of that for you,” she cupped him, a deep moan rumbled in his throat. As she was moving to settle on her knees, he spoke up in protest.

“N-no, Liv. You have to go.” She eyed him suspiciously. “The sooner you get there, the quicker you get back and we can thoroughly solve this issue.” She sighed reluctantly, sliding off his lap moving to go get ready for work for the second time that day.

Olivia collected herself and all the items she’d need for the shift from hell, unsure of how long she’d actually be gone, she had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that this wouldn’t be a good one. She hiked her purse onto her shoulder, heaving an unfortunate sigh as she was fixing to walk out of the door, Rafael stopped her.

“Here.” He extends his arm, a silver ring with two different colored and shaped keys dangled between his offering digits.

“What are—for me?”

“No for the doorman.” He rolls his eyes fondly, “Yes, of course for you.”

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll lose them or something?” She jokes nervously.

“Then I’ll just have to get you another set then won’t I?”

“That’s a lot of trust you’re showing. I could come in, in the middle of the night and take advantage of you.”

“Bold of you to assume I don’t want to be taken advantage of by the likes of you.”

“I have to go, Rafa.” She leaned to peck him goodbye.

“Get home soon so we can finish what we started.” They both glanced down at the bulge in his pants as her cheeks reddened. He slips the keyring onto her already hectic bunch of keys, keychains, and key tracker; explaining to her the smaller bronze was for the bottom lock and the larger cut greenish teal, for the top lock. He kissed her one last time before finally letting her slip out the front door.

* * *

“All the UCs with the right build are either blonde or too young!” Cragen stressed. “We need a slender, attractive,brown-eyed, brunette white woman in her early to mid-30s! Call every Burrough until we find her and reprimand this animal.”

“Um...Captain?” Munch signals over to Olivia who was adding pictures to the whiteboard under pertinent information, unaware of what was conspiring behind her.

“Olivia?” Cragen pondered.

“Yes! Captain, it can work!” Stabler runs up behind Olivia, turning her to line her up with all the victims of the serial TriBeCa push in rapist. “She fits his type! She has months of undercover work under her belt with the FBI. This can work cap!”

“Excuse me?” Olivia’s rage is masked by confusion.

“No.” Fin shook his head. “We’re not sendin’ Olivia out there.”

“Fin—this could be our only option.” Cragen acquiesced.

“No!” Fin seethes, “Are you all forgettin’ that this rapist has evolved and killed his last four victims? He uses horse tranquilizers to subdue ‘em and then bashes their face beyond the point of recognition while he rapes ‘em!”

“This is more reason why we need one of us on the ground! So the next woman doesn’t have to die!” Cragen spits, the anger coursing through both of them as they both know it’s the best option they have.

“So we’re throwing one of our own into the lion's den?”

“It’s Olivia! She’ll be alert! She can fend for herself.” Stabler defends the strategy.

“And if she gets raped or hurt what are you gonna tell Ra—“ Olivia’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head as Fin catches himself.

“Tell who?” Stabler’s confusion compounds.

“Nothin’.” He looks over at his panicked best friend. “All I’m sayin’ is, we have no idea what he looks like. We can’t protect her from every man on the street. There ain’t enough manpower in the world.”

“Detective Benson.” Cragen turned to face her, “it is ultimately your decision if you want to go but...I want to remind you of the oath you took to protect and serve this community.” Olivia gulped.

“That’s low, Cap’n, even for you.” Fin shook his head storming out of the squad room to cool off.

“Seems like I don’t have much of a choice.”

“He strikes after 11, that leaves us less than an hour to get you prepped and out there.” Cragen couldn’t meet her eyes, afraid he’d see her as more than just a detective and rescind the plan. “Stabler will be your detail, Tutuola and Munch will be stationed inside and on the street. I’ll be running the op from the van parked right out front.” He ordered before retreating to the comfort and silence of his office.

* * *

Olivia was afraid her shortness of breath might give her away as she stumbled down the dimly lit street toward the government-owned apartment building she held the keys for. It’s funny how her life seemed to come full circle in the darnedest of ways—mere hours ago the man she loved handed her a pair of keys to his house as a testament of his love, trust, and devotion to her, yet she was still afraid to call him her boyfriend? And now as she held onto the bronze government-issued key in her hands, she couldn’t stop thinking of the crazy look Rafael held in his green eyes as he handed her a piece of himself—as if he was saying, ‘ _what’s mine is yours.’_

The light pattering of feet alarmed her, she subtlety looked around seeing no one, not even Stabler.

Her blood ran cold as she pushed the key into the lock. A sudden pressure formed at the base of her neck as she felt cold slender fingers tangle into her hair the moment she turned the key. With an exertion of energy, he gripped her hair pulling the tender strands before forcefully shoving her face into the hollowed-out metal door, once—she felt the prick of a needle—he went to slam her head against the door again but she managed to open it falling through the entryway.

“NYPD!” Fin shouted, with the muzzle of the gun pressed into his skull. “Move another inch and I’ll blow your fuckin’ brains out. Do you hear me?” Fin spoke through gritted teeth. He released Olivia, and she pathetically collided with the cold hard tile, the needle of horse tranquilizers meeting the ground before she did. “Where the fuck is Stabler!?” Fin cried out as he slammed the perp to the ground. “What’s your name?” Silence. “What’s your name!?” He roared in his face.

“Joh-John Kaczynski.” Fin scoffed as he cuffed him.

“So you’re the fuckin’ Unabomber now?” After no response, he rolled his eyes calling for a bus for Olivia. “10-13! I have an officer down at 155 Franklin Street, rush a bus!”

“Mm, Fin?” Olivia started to cough, “Where’s Rafa?” She groaned in pain.

“He’s safe, he’s at home.”

“I want him. Please?” She was groggy, he could tell she received a bit of the tranquilizer.

“Stand up!” He pulled the perp to his feet. “Tribeca push in rapist, you are under arrest for the rapes of Taylor Harding, Alice Kmelt, Joy Fulhard, Eliza Cameron, the rapes and murders of Lanai Dobrek, Candice Lyle, Brianne Fuller, Lana Allen, and the attempted rape and assault of a Law Enforcement officer, Olivia Benson. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as I‘ve just read to you?” Fin drags him out of the building, handing him over to Cragen and Munch as he runs back over to Olivia.

“Fin?”

“The ambulance is on the way.”

“I feel fine, I feel better. I just want to go home.”

“Not until you get checked out.” Fin helps Olivia to her feet as CSU comes to bag the evidence and photograph Olivia’s injuries.

“Can I go now?” Olivia’s irritability can be attributed to the throbbing ache of her face and the wearing off of the tranquilizers that once were numbing the pain.

“Liv you just got dosed with horse tranqs and your face bashed in. I think you should go to the hospital.” Fin argues after hours of observation from the paramedics, Olivia still refused to go to the hospital.

“Follow the lights with your eyes,” the medic on scene asks Olivia. She follows the path soundly without moving her head. “Well she doesn’t have any internal bleeding, her blood pressure is seemingly returning to normal, the benzodiazepines are wearing off, and she doesn’t have any signs of a concussion. She should be able to go home.”

“Okay, I’m taking you home though.”

“I’m not going home, I’m going to the Bronx. And I will not let you go out of your way to take me there.”

“Liv, I don’t want you driving all that way in this condition.”

“What condition? I’m fine.” She waves him off. “It’s my six month anniversary and I want to wake up next to my man.”

“It’s actually best if she doesn’t spend the night alone.” Olivia shoots the medic a grateful smile. “If you feel more irritable than usual, have bouts of unexplainable depression, are experiencing blackouts, or migraines out of the usual for you please go to the hospital soon as possible.” Olivia nods slowly. “They’re just surface pains and will dull within the next half an hour.”

“Thank you,” Olivia hops off the back of the ambulance. “Are you gonna take me back to the precinct or are you gonna make me drive there and to the Bronx too?” He rolled his eyes pulling her into his side, a protective arm thrown over her shoulders.

* * *

Olivia quietly tiptoed around the bathroom, showering, and getting ready for bed. She sighed as she looked at the redness of her face. “Great, just great.” She mumbled to herself. All she wanted was to be snuggled and wrapped up with her lovely man and maybe even a little fondling and touching would help ease her running mind, but he was fast asleep. She didn’t want to—well she did want to—but she wouldn’t disturb him from his slumber.

“Olivia?” Rafael mumbled, “is that you?” His sleep soaked voice called out into the dark, he tried his hardest to stay up waiting for her but she’d been gone ten hours and asleep had conquered him a little past hour eight.

“Yeah, it’s me, babe.” Olivia shut off the bathroom lights, walking out in her thigh length silk pink négligée. Rafael‘s sleep-filled eyes couldn’t fight the tiredness brewing behind them, he laid on his side facing away from her as her eyes scanned his backside, her already thrumming arousal began to pulse. She climbed into his bed, pinning her breast into his back. Her lips met the base of his neck while her fingers glided across his shoulder. “I missed you today,” she whispered, nibbling against his ear, caressing his forearm. “Remember what we were doing earlier?” Her hand slipped below the comforter he’d been snuggled into, soon she found her way into his boxers giving him one good tug before he rolled over into his back, suddenly more alert. “You like that?”

“Olivia,” he sang, his eyes rolling to the back of his head in bliss, “Please,” he moaned heartily. “I’ve wanted you all day,” he uttered clenching his thighs together as she stroked him faster and with a tighter grip. “Oh, God! Olivia.”

“I couldn’t even put panties on because I didn’t want to ruin another pair,” She whispers sensually, climbing on top of him, straddling his thighs. “Touch me...feel how wet I am.”

Rafael trails his fingers through her moist folds. “Holy shit,” he whispered in awe.

Olivia grabbed at him giving him a firm squeeze at the base of his cock, “no cuming until you’re inside of me.” She instructed as she slid down his shaft, throwing her head back at the feeling of him stretching and filling her so thoroughly. “Oh, fuuuck, Rafa!” She cried out, placing both her hands firmly on his stomach, working him at a steady pace.

“Oo—Oliv—via!” Rafael moans as she rode him in earnest, tirelessly ranging from bouncing on his thick throbbing member to the erratic movements of her hips as she ground against him. He couldn’t handle another moment of the slow burn, he needed the sweet release waiting for him just moments away, he thrusted up against her, her hips meeting him thrust for thrust.

She cupped the side of his face calling for his attention, Rafael’s greens landed on her browns, at that moment he felt warm and more awake than he ever had in his entire life. Gripping her hips tightly he felt as if he wouldn’t last with her on top much longer. Suddenly Rafael flipped them, Olivia, now with her back to the mattress he pinned her down, mercilessly slamming into her G-spot, “Oh my—right there!” She pressed her nails into his hips as his thrusts quickened, sending her barreling into a sea of euphoria. Her tightening walls around him sent his throbbing cock into a surging spasm, he spilled in her with an unrhythmic jerk of his hips.

Rafael collapsed on top of her, with a deep relieving sigh she wound her legs around his waist lining herself up against his heaving chest, she mindlessly wrapped her arms around his neck.

As they laid there, tangled into one another they could only relate the warm aura of peace that came over them to the feeling of arriving home after a long trip and collapsing into bed–intensely relieving, pleasurable, and a little tiring but in the best way possible.

The next morning Raf stretched as Olivia’s face was pillowed against his forearm—she winced and his eyes snapped open

“Liv?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yerugh.”

“Well, that wasn’t English.”

“Rafa, let me sleeeep,” she whined against his shoulder.”

“Okay, I'll leave you to it,” he moves to maneuver himself from under her but she wraps her limbs around him, rightfully trapping him in her embrace.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To leave you to sleep—“

“If I wanted to sleep alone I would’ve saved myself a 45-minute drive and went to my apartment last night.”

“So?”

“So, you stay put! For now, you’re my glorified pillow.” She melted into him loving his warming effect.

“Two more hours! Then I’m going to make us breakfast before they steal you away again.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

Olivia stretched, feeling refreshed. She could feel a pair of eyes boring holes into the side of her skull.

“Good morning to you too, baby.” She rolled her eyes at his silence. She studied his face—he looked quite red in the gills. “Rafa?” His silence was terrifying, she sat up, pulling the covers up to her chest suddenly feeling self-conscious under his scrutinizing gaze.

“What the hell happened to your face, Olivia?” She eyed him in confusion, pulling her phone off the nightstand next to her staring at her reflection on the screen.

“Shit.”

“Shit?” He inhaled, trying to channel his anger—not wanting it to come off as he was mad at her for getting harmed. “Who did this? I’ll fucking kill them.”

“Rafa—It didn’t look this bad last night.”

“Who. Did. This.”

“It was the push in rapist.” She sighed. “None of the UCs fit his type...but I did. He likes them brunette, tight ass, not too young, but not quite middle-aged yet.” She looked away from him, feeling the guilt consume her.

“Where was your partner? Why was no one covering you? Looks like he bashed your face into a concrete wall.”

“It was a metal door.” She offered.

“Is that supposed to make it better? Where was the Stabler fellow? Why wasn’t he on your ass? You could’ve been seriously hurt.”

“I honestly don’t know, I think the rapist made him as a cop and he had to veer off, the whole undercover sting is a bit of a blur.”

“I guess that happens when you get your head slammed into a metal door.” He joked. She scowled.

“Not funny.”

“Not funny at all, just want to make the mood lighter so I don’t have to grill you for the fucker’s name who did this to you so I can go handle him myself.”

“No, no you don’t worry about that. He’s sitting in central booking with a paperwork fuck up from hell.” She inched herself closer to him. His eyes saddened at the purple and yellow clouding her perfect olive skin trailing from her jawline to her cheeks bone, all the way up to her brow bone.

“I’m gonna get out on that case and burry him so deep in charges the little girl he pushed on the playground in daycare is going to testify.”

“I love the passion you have for justice.”

“You mean the passion I have for you.”

“Fines lines, Rafa, fine lines.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tias = aunts  
> Dios mío, ella va a ser mi muerte = my God, she is going to be the death of me
> 
> So it seemed, many of you (who commented) wanted to see the Stabler/Barba interaction but I feel it's not what you all are expecting...so after I post that chapter tomorrow, don't be afraid to let me know if you want more of Stabler or to leave him out of it. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty sure this was the best I could do in regards to case fics, I've always wanted to write one but I surely need the practice so I'm using the gaps in this fic to do so.


	12. To Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Slight descriptions of police violence/police brutality/overuse of force in the chapter.

“Liv?”

“Raf?”

“Are you sure you still want to go out with...”

“With my face looking like a diseased punching bag?”

“That’s not what I was going to say and you know it.”

“There’s nothing a little makeup can’t hide.” She patted his chest, heading towards the bathroom to apply her makeup.

“I don’t know...I just have a bad feeling about tonight.”

“That’s the reality of it all sinking in.”

“Reality of what?”

“The reality that you’ve spent six months with me and it’s starting to feel more like six years,” she looks at him through the mirror as he shifts his weight to his shoulder, leaning into the door jam. “There’s a giddy itch you feel developing under your skin, that’s your need to find a way out.”

“Oh, yeah?” He raised his signature eyebrow.

“Yeah, but I’ve got the keys so you can’t get rid of me.”

“I can always change the locks.”

“Not to your heart, you can’t.”

“God, you’re sappy.”

“And you’re putty in my hands.”

“I’ll own up to that.” He shrugs, stepping into the master bathroom, that seemed to fit them so perfectly. Sometimes he felt as if Olivia was a mirage—a tall glass of cold water waiting for him as he scoured the Sahara desert, lost without a clue in the world, one sip from her and it all made sense again. He nosed her hair away from her neck to kiss it as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I love you,” he nearly silently whispered into her hair.

“What was that? Sorry, I didn’t hear you.” She stopped blending her foundation to look into his eyes through the mirror.

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.”

* * *

“The Press Lounge?” She leaned into him until her back met his chest, “It’s so beautiful.” She gawked at the colors swirling around the Hudson, the 360-degree views of the New York City Skyline rendered her speechless. With their backs to the bar, Olivia leans her head onto his chest.

“The Hudson and the skyline have nothing on you, mi espléndido mujer.”

“You’re sweet on me, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” he muttered.

“Can I get you two anything to kickstart your night?” Rafael swung around, his arms still securely around Olivia’s waist, following the sound of the voice behind them.

“Can he get a scotch, neat.” Olivia orders before he has a chance to open his mouth.

“And she’ll have the Smoke & Mirrors, with an extra shot of Tequila on the side.”

“Actually, make that two.” He eyed her. “So you think I’m taking a Tequila shot by myself?” She laughed at his smirking face, “I was unaware I’d been dating myself for the past six months.” The bartender silently placed two shot glasses, salt, and two lime wedges in front of the lovestruck couple.

“To us...” Rafael stared intently at Olivia as he reached over toward the glass.

“Uh, uh, uh,” she mocked him grabbing the salt from between his fingertips. “Consider modified body shots?”

“Care to explain how that isn’t indecent exposure?” He smirked.

“What if I just show you?” She stood, tilting his head to the side for direct access to the crook of his neck, “Hold on to this,” She wedged the lime between his lips. She poured a line of salt on his neck. “To six months of us,” her tongue trails the flow of the salt on his warming skin, admittedly she may have roamed a little further and lingered a little longer than necessary before she pried her tongue away from his addicting flesh. She threw back the small glass of tequila before practically climbing in his lap—her mouth is on his, biting down on the lime wedge she swallowed, pulling away slightly so the lime rind can fall from his lips before she attacked claimed his mouth once again.

“I think it’s my turn?” He smirks, slowly licking his lips. Before allowing her to slide off his lap, he gives her rump one good squeeze, she jumps in surprise, a squeak leaves her lips.

“Rafa!” She blushed, moving onto her own chair.

Rafael stood, pushing her hair off her shoulders and onto her back. He pecked her lips before slipping the wedge between her teeth. Rafa grabbed the salt lining it on her collarbone—he took one look at her before attacking her neck, nibbling, biting, and sucking lightly. She bit back a moan, the juice of the lemon dripping down her chin as she tried to fight the urge to sing her pleasure. After feasting on the now pink and purple sensitive area, he moves his tongue down to the salt on her clavicle—praising that aspect of her skin while consuming every last drop of salt. He brought the shot glass to his lips with a distinctive glint in his eyes—the burning liquid fills his throat as he moves to kiss the drop of lime juice off her chin and working his way to her mouth. Rafael didn’t even bother to move the leftover lime peel as he devoured her mouth. The bartender watches the intimate moment go down between the couple. He clears his throat awkwardly.

“Let’s get two more of these,” Rafa coughed, unaware of the amused bartender watching them enjoy each other—he nods walking away.

Momentarily, he returns with the second round of shots, walking away promptly before he gets caught up in the action again. They repeat their actions from earlier with a lot more kissing and groping, and a lot less looking from the bartender.

“I’m a bit of a wight leight,” she giggled.

“A what?” His grin was so wide his cheeks began to sting.

“Did I not say that correctly?” She sipped on the cocktail he ordered for her, as her giggles increased she inched closer to him, standing up and wedging herself between his legs, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Mmm mm,” he shook his lead lovingly.

“I love it when you look up at me,” she ruffled his perfectly coiffed hair, loving how it would always snap back to its original styled form.

“And I love yo—“

“Can I get you two anything else?” The bartender’s eyes widen as he realizes he may have ruined a moment.

“Um,” Rafael clears his throat, “Can we get two glasses of water please?”

“Lightweight,” Olivia utters so slowly.

“That you are, baby.”

“I said it correctly are you proud of me?” She sat gently on his right thigh, knees turned toward the bar.

“Always proud of you, my ‘Livia.”

“Putty,” She snorts, pulling the cocktail to her lips, finishing it off.

“Only for you.” The waiter drops off the waters as Rafael decided after he finished his tumbler of scotch he’d only be nursing glasses of water so he can keep a watchful eye on his Olivia.

“Water?” She asked reaching for the glass, he silently nodded as she took the glass to her lips. “There are some crazies out there that’ll try to take advantage of you so I gotta sober up a bit to make sure I can protect you.” She placed the glass back on the bar before peppering his face with kisses.

“No, you enjoy yourself. I’ll protect you.” He smiled as her lips landed on his grinning face.

“Rafa?” She purred.

“Liv?” He chuckled. “Have you realized we do that a lot?” She stared at him keenly, he could tell she was so focused on something she wasn’t paying any attention to what was coming out of his mouth, as she stood above him, looking down at his burning green embers, her thumbs caressed his delicate cheekbones, unable to fathom why anyone in the world would want to hurt him—Rafael Barba and his beautiful soul.

“Did I ever tell you?” She didn’t know if it was the effects of the alcohol but the feelings brewing in her were becoming overwhelming and she couldn’t hold back a moment longer.

“Tell me what?” The words in her mouth beg to rise like a bad case of word vomit.

“How much I love yo—“ the music began to blare so loudly she physically flinched. Rafael’s face upturned into a half grimace, one of his eyes shut, a single shoulder raised and pressed into his chin as he turned his head and cringed.

“What was that?” He shouts over the loud music, “I couldn’t hear the end.”

“I love yo—“ the DJ’s microphone echoes into the speaker sending sharp feedback throughout the inside portion of the rooftop lounge.

“Sorry about that!” The DJ apologizes into the mic.

“Dìos mìo!” Rafael chuckles, “What were you saying?”

“Never mind,” she second guesses her words. “It was nothing important.” She gazed down at his gorgeous smiling face, “I’m just so glad to be here with you tonight.” She kissed his lips.

“I am too,” His hands moved a little lower as the thrumming rhythm of the Latin beats filled the room with vibration.

“I love this song, Rafa.” She didn’t quite slur her words, but she was louder than her usual self. “Dance with me?” Her brown eyes twinkled as she swayed to the slow sensual beat.

He stood to his feet, throwing a fifty on the bar to cover their drinks and tips before following closely behind his grooving gal. With her arms around his neck, they sway to the beat as they make their way through the crowd. She turns away from him as they stop mid-dance floor, grinding on him, his hands affixed to her waistline, bringing her flush against him as their bodies gyrated to be the beat.

Before Rafael could process what was happening, Olivia was yanked away by a white man of large stature. He could see she was physically resisting his grip.

“Get your fucking hands off of me,” she wriggles out of his grip. “Are you following me? How the hell did you find me here?” The alcohol in her system adds fuel to the already burning fire of rage she had living inside of her for Elliot Stabler.

“We’re out working a case where creeps are abducting and raping brunettes from popular high-end clubs!” His large hands circle around her forearms, “And here you are putting yourself in harm's way!” He began to jostle her, “what the hell happened to you?” He jerked her around as if he was trying to physically shake some sense into her. A tap on his shoulder caught him by surprise as he turned to face the mystery entity, a swift fist connected with his jaw, throwing him off balance. The second one was much faster as Stabler hit the ground, unable to hold onto Olivia any longer, the body climbed on top of him.

Rafael surveyed his face; doughy cheeks beneath arrogant eyes, all crowned by permanently upturned eyebrows, painting a picture of a man who somehow found a way to remain forever indignant and self-righteous. The chain of events couldn't have lasted longer than a few seconds, but it seemed like an hour. With a tremendous force, he released it, and it arced forward, headed straight for Elliot’s usually smug but now caught off guard face. Rafael’s fist landed with a thud against Elliot’s left cheek, sending ripples of fat cascading back towards his ears, then back forward. If it wasn’t for the tug on the neck of his sweater, Rafael wouldn’t have moved. The adrenaline rushed to his ears—he didn’t hear a word of Olivia crying out for him to stop.

“Liv?” He blinked as he stood to his feet, “Are you alright?” His bloodied knuckles looked—cacophonous almost—against the purpling hand imprints tattered on her forearms.

A sudden jerk away from Olivia had Rafael in a Panic as two uniformed officers pulled his arms behind his back, the bite of the cold metal from the cuffs made him hiss.

“Hey! Let him go!” The other officer ungracefully ripped Olivia away from the scene, forcefully crossing her arms behind her back as he fished out his handcuffs.

The dark-haired officer managed to body slam Rafael onto the ground, pressing a knee into his back, “Are you aware that assault on a police officer is a class c felony?” The officer spits a string of ethnic and Hispanic related slurs at a winded Rafael who can’t find the words to reply as he’d just had the air knocked out of him, he was gasping for air—all he could think about was Olivia. He couldn’t see her, but he could hear her begging and crying.

“Let him go!” She sobbed as the officer cuffed her, “Get off of him, please!” Her body rocked with soul jerking sobs.

“What the hell on going on here?” Detective Tutuola ran into the circle the crowd had formed around the scene as he heard the commotion from the other side of the now music-less rooftop sky lounge.

“Fi—iin!” Olivia cried out, hands cuffed behind her back, as the officer roughly mishandled her.

“Ramekins, what the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” He pressed towards Olivia, “Uncuff Detective Benson, right now!” He snapped as the officers face physically paled.

“F—fin, get them off of him. Pl—please!” She sobbed, Fin shuffled around to see Rafael turning blue in the face, he rushed over grabbing Officer Hinkley by the neck, slamming him to the ground.

“Can’t you see he can’t breathe!?” Fin barked into the officers face, “Give me the keys!”

“He—he assaulted Detective St—Stabler.” He stammered.

“I said, keys. _Now_.” The officer handed over his cuffs keys to the detective. “Counselor?” Fin helped him up onto his knees as he uncuffed him.

“Li—Liv?” A sputter of coughs attacked him as he spoke before he could catch his breath.

“Just focus on your breathing, Rafael. Olivia’s okay—“

“Rafa!” Olivia ran over dropping to her knees, wrapping herself around Rafael—thighs pressed into either side of his hips, arms securely circling his center as she sobbed into his chest, her head tucked under his chin.

The two arresting officers stood towering over the kneeling couple, after catching his breath Rafael pulled himself and Olivia to their feet, he stood at eye level to the blonde blue-eyed officers.

“You won’t be so strong without that badge,” Olivia clung to his side, her arms wrapped around his torso. “By the time I’m done with the two of you invalids and this city, you’ll be lucky if you’re even allowed to write parking citations down in Staten Island.” Rafael stepped into the officers’ faces, Fin stepped in between the testosterone battle.

“Come one, let me get the two of you home.” He escorts them out of the club and into the black SVU. “Hold on, I gotta take care of sumn real quick.” Fin closed the door behind the cuddling couple, embracing one another before waking away.

* * *

“Don’t press charges,” Fin approaches the back of the ambulance, where Stabler was getting checked for concussions, internal bleeding, and treated for any surface injuries.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t. Press. Charges.”

“So Olivia’s burly little date gets to assault me and get away with it?”

“Stabler. You were in the wrong. He was protectin’ his girl. It’s a waste of taxpayers' money.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“The right one.”

“Fin—“

“No. You don’t touch another man’s woman and not expect him to step to you. It’s code of the streets. Disrespect, _you_ get disrespected.” Fin shook his head, “You of all people should get that.”

“Is that her boyfriend?” Stabler leans forward, his tense shoulder raised inquisitively.

“That’s not my information to disclose.”

“Fin—“

“Look. I don’t know what’s going on between you and Olivia lately but if you ever want her to forgive you or for things to go back to the way they were before—be the bigger person and don’t press charges on the man she loves. You’ve traumatized her enough and ruined their anniversary. Ain’t that enough?” Fin said his piece and walked away, leaving Stabler there to stew in his advice.

* * *

“Where to kids?” Fin asked as he climbed into the SUV, starting up the tinted vehicle.

“The subway is fine,” Olivia nearly mewls.

“No, I’m taking you two youngsters home.” He looks into the rearview mirror.

“It’s out of your way and you’re working tonight—“

“The case can wait.” He buckled his seatbelt, “Even if the perp was there he’s long gone by now.” Fin shrugged getting the address from Rafael before pulling off on their mostly silent journey home.

“Fin?”

“Yeah, Liv?”

“Thank you.”

“You know you never have to thank me for protectin’ you.”

“No, I do.” She sighed clenching her jaw, “I—Don’t—I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there tonight,” her voice trailed.

“But I was, and that’s all that matters.” He glances at her through the rearview mirror momentarily. “You and Rafael are safe. You’re together. That’s what’s important.” Fin pulls over outside of Rafael’s house.

“Fin—“

“No.”

“But—“

“Don’t thank me for doing my job. I’d do anything to protect, Olivia, and now by default, you too.” He placed a comforting hand on Rafael’s shoulder. “Just go inside and take care of that woman, if you or she needs anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

* * *

Olivia had been struggling to stay asleep all night—jumping out of her fitful bouts of rest just to look at him and make sure he was still there; she’d watch the rise and fall of his chest to assure herself of his breathing; she wanted to reach out and touch him but she was afraid to frighten him—unable to stomach the thought of him flinching in her arms, she turned her back to him, curling into herself.

“Liv?” He whispered, “You up?” She turned towards him.

“Yeah.”

“You’re so far away...” he opened his arms as she crawled on top of him, hooking her ankles behind his knees. “You look exhausted,” she sighed, letting all her tensions melt away.

“I am,” she mumbled as she began to feel like dead weight on top of him.

“I love you more than life itself Olivia Benson,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. “I wish I had the courage to tell you while you’re awake.” He grumbled as he surrendered to the near blissful sleep, lulling him away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to note that the entire fight scene probably took place in the span of five minutes. From the moment Stabler pulled Olivia away, to Rafael fighting him, then the arrest and displays of police brutality, to Fin showing up and practically saving the day.
> 
> mi espléndido mujer = my gorgeous/splendid woman


	13. Unexpected Visitor(s)

“Rafi, bro...I kinda like miss you.”

“You miss me? Am I hearing this correctly?”

“Don’t be a dick about it.”

“We talk every day, Eddie.”

“But I haven’t seen you in like what? Two or three weeks? That’s not normal for us!”

“What’s stopping you from coming over?”

“I’m no cockblocker!” Rafael shook his head, “Olivia ain’t gonna resent me because I stopped her pan con pinga!”

“Do you think we have sex 24/7?”

“Well, I sure to fuck hope so.” Eddie’s smirk colors his tone. “You deserve the chochete después de defender su honor y casi ir a prisión por ella.”

“She doesn’t owe me anything—“

“—Si, Rafi my feminist icon, lo sè—“

“—I did what I had to do to protect the woman that I love—“

“She doesn’t owe you—wait what? You love her? Since when?”

“Felt like love at first sight but I’ve known since the first time we—“

“So you spent months bitching about how beautiful she is and blabbing my ear off until I wanted to blow my brains out about how even her impurities are still perfection but you failed to mention that you’re in love with her?” Eddie chastises his best friend, when a firm knock sounds, alarming him, as he wasn’t expecting any visitors.

“Who could that be?” Raf stood from his place on the couch, bending his knees with a bit too much oomph.

“No! You tell Olivia to come back later, I’m yelling at you right now!”

“It's not Olivia. She’s at work and we don’t have any plans for tonight.”

“Perfect then ignore it until I’m done ripping you a new one.”

“Eddie?”

“Rafael.”

“I’m gonna answer the door now.”

“So help me, God, Rafael, this conversation is not over. If you do not call me back I’ll be at your door at 5 in the morning pounding on your door and I don’t give a fuck if you’re pounding Olivia—I’ll gets my answers.”

“Dios, por favor envíame nuevos amigos.” He clicked to end the call, he peeked through the peephole to see it covered—that could only mean one thing.

“What are you guys doing here?” Rafael leans against the door frame, looking expectantly at his usually noninvasive abuelos.

“Well it’s been a few months since the diner and we really missed you so we decided to come see your new place.” Her sweet smiling face concealed so much behind those thick-rimmed, wide lens glasses. “We haven’t been here since the house warming party and we missed you Rafi,” she pouted stroking his arm, her enlarged milk chocolate brown eyes settled on his scowling face—the big swirls of light brown reminded him of his dear Olivia, maybe it all made sense as to why he couldn’t say no to either of them.

“Tu abuela comes baring gifts that will turn into a meal. Don’t even bother denying her—she wants to know more about Olivia and I’m hungry.” Berto smirks, assuring his grandson whatever argument he would push, was already a lost cause.

“Well, how can I say no to that?” Rafael steps aside as Catí pushed her way through the threshold, Berto shoots his grandson an apologetic smile, patting his shoulder lovingly as he steps inside the entryway.

“You didn’t have the option Rafi, now move and show these old folk to the kitchen—there’s food to be made.” Rafa leads his dear Catalina and Alberto to the kitchen. As Rafael helps his abuela unpack the groceries she’d brought with her and pull down the right pots and utensils she’d need to make dinner. Berto takes a seat insisting,

“Soy demasiado viejo para esto, pero ¿dónde está la radio?” Berto eases off the stool at the bar, “I’ll DJ.”

“It’s in the linen closet across the hall,” Rafael informed but never took his eyes off the vegetables he’d keenly been washing. The sound of a lively salsa beat with rich African undertones reaches his ears, he’s sure Berto found the soundbox and immediately tuned into the Cuban music station. Celia Cruz fills the area, Catí can’t help but to sway her hips to the beat, Rafael joining his abuela instinctively. Berto watches the two of them fondly from his seat at the breakfast bar.

“Todo aquel que piense que la vida es desigual, tiene que saber que no es así que la vida es una hermosura hay que vivirla,” Catí sings, chopping the ingredients rhythmically, adding flair with the bounce of her shoulders.

“Todo aquel que piense que está solo y que está mal tiene que saber que no es así que en la vida no hay nadie solo y siempre hay alguien,” Rafael picks up the next verse, the two of them dance around each other completely in sync—she leans when he swivels—this moment reminded Rafael of many Friday nights spent with his abuelos during his childhood, the same feeling of giddy enjoyment fills his chest—only one thing could make this better, he thought to himself.

“Ay, no hay que llorar, que la vida es un carnaval y es más bello vivir cantando, Ay, no hay que llorar que la vida es un carnaval y las penas se van cantando,” Berto told himself he couldn’t miss out on the action any longer, he rose from his seat serenading his beautiful bride. He reached for her arm, twirling her into his attention. Their bodies moved to the upbeat tempo in the center of Rafael’s kitchen.

He stood against the wall to provide them with ample space—his heart swelled with affection and a deep desire; the love his abuelos have between the two of them is something he’d always craved. Something he’d hoped could become of him and Olivia—unable to think of any other soul he’d want to spend the rest of his life being this blissed out with; until their last dying breath. The couple so helplessly in love finish out the rest of the song before returning to their respective corners.

“I thought I’d need a five-foot stick to pry the two of you apart.” Rafael jokes as he and his Abuelita get back to cooking, Berto lowers the volume of the radio so they could all hear the conversation.

“One day, you’ll understand, Rafi. When you get a love like this of your own.” Catí gazes over at her loving grandson, who deserves nothing but the best; genuine love, someone who cares, someone to take care of him in his old age, someone to settle down with and start a family. The affection in her eyes deepened every second she looked at him.

“I hope so,” he whispers meeting her eyes, leaning in he kisses her forehead.

“So tell me Rafi...how’s Olivia?” Catí clears her throat, programming the tears burning her eyes to remain unshed.

“She’s good! Her work keeps her busy,” His eyes light up at the mention of her name.

“Oh, what does she do?”

“She’s a detective for the Special Victims Unit down in Manhattan,” Catí can’t help but notice how his shoulders relax and demeanor brightens as he simply speaks about Olivia. She fights back a smile thinking about how he must look when it’s just the two of them—the reflection of raw emotion living on his face.

“A true crusader for justice, no wonder you’re so drawn to her,” Berto smirks subtly.

“So, how serious is this thing between the two of you?” Catí cuts to the chase, wondering if Olivia is her sweet Rafi’s, Berto.

“Abuela...” Rafael avoids her burning gaze.

“Just answer the question Rafi, for the betterment of us all,” Berto suggests, amusement evident in his tone.

“It’s nothing too serious,” he flips the maduros in the pan, “After all, I did just get out of a practically life long _miserable_ relationship.” He rolls his eyes at the wasted time.

“But she makes you happy, no?” Catí clarifies.

“Extremely.”

“But it’s not serious?” Berto scoffs to himself. Rafael transfers the fried sweet plantains onto the dish they’d be served in and placed in the oven to keep them warm. Rafael walks away, to grab his phone from the coffee table.

“All I’m gonna say on the subject is I lo—“ He coughs as his eyes widen, to cover up his near slip of the tongue. “I like her, a lot.” He says a bit too jarringly. Not liking the way the cacophonous words rolled off his tongues. “We’re exclusive but we aren’t anything too serious,” he qualifies.

“You children and your disdain for labels make me absolutely sick—“ The sound of the key turning the locks stills everyone to silence.

“Mm Rafa, that smells delicious!” Olivia announces her unexpected presence. “And here I was planning on cooking you that German sausage you‘ve been raving about! Since you have dinner settled there’s this Cuban sausage I’d rather enjoy having in my mouth tonight—“ Olivia shuts the door, two reusable grocery bags hang from her left arm as she approaches him, she notes his face flushed a deep crimson red.

“Oh, my.” Rafael’s eyes reflect a grave discomfort. Olivia stops dead in her tracks, her eyes following the path he silently created for her, craning her neck in that direction her eyes trail over to the occupied kitchen. A peal of hearty laughter erupts from the kitchen.

“Jesus Christ!” Olivia blushed so deeply, her body temperature rose at least three degrees. “I am so sorry! I should’ve called first. I didn’t know you had plans tonight!” She apologized profusely to the room, “I probably shouldn’t have entered a room with a comment like that...” She scratches the back of her neck, eyes glued to the ground.

“Oh, Olivia, you’re such a charmer,” Catí teases, trying to lessen the awkward tension drowning the light-hearted joy that filled the room before.

“She has a key but yet nothing serious?” Berto rolls his eyes, mumbling to his wife.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys and Rafa had plans tonight I didn’t mean to intrude,” she hikes the grocery bags higher onto her getting ready to bolt.

“It’s because we didn’t...” He eyed her with an amused expression on his face.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Olivia smiles cheekily.

“Well...maybe you can get to that Cuban sausage a little later,” Catí pokes fun.

“Oh, my God!” Rafael groans.

“Oh, my dearest Catí, you’re going to send the boy to an early grave,” Berto doubles over in laughter.

“Oh, hush you!” She glared lovingly at her husband. “I came over here to give Rafi the 5th degree on you.” She points her gaze at Olivia. “Now I don’t have to grill him anymore and I can just ask you.” She smiles at Olivia. “Dinner is almost ready, come join us!” Catí eyes the overnight bag hanging from Olivia’s right shoulder. “Rafi stop being such a perezoso and help Olivia with the grocery bags so she can put her stuff down in your bedroom.” Raf nervously works his way over to Liv, pecking her lips quickly in greeting, fumbling to take the paper bags from her grasp.

“The thought of wanting to surprise me was very sweet, and don’t think your efforts have gone unnoticed,” Rafael stood so close the shadows of her face cast onto his Olive skin.

“Thanks, baby,” Liv whispers, moving in ever so slightly to kiss his lips again to accept his appreciation. Rafael pulls away, only due to his grandparents' close proximity.

“Olivia!” Berto calls her attention, “Humor this old man, and dance with me?” He raises the volume on the radio as Celia Cruz’s La Negra Tiene Tumbao rhythm works its way into a gyrating Berto’s bones. Rafael slips the bags out of her grip, the smile spreading from ear to ear on his face.

“Of course!” Olivia all but jumped for joy, never having experienced any positive and nonsexualized interactions with an older man. “I probably won’t be any good.”

“Nonsense!” He makes his way across the room to meet her in the living space right off the kitchen, “As long as you feel it in your hips and move accordingly.” He grabs her hand leading her around the kitchen and living room, she takes his advice feeling the rhythm in her hips, swaying them as she lets go of the tension of the day. He pulls her close to his chest unexpectedly, dipping her dramatically, “Azúcar!” He sings along with the song’s ad-lib. A full-bodied laugh rumbles from the depths of Olivia’s sternum. He pulls her back into an upright position, they make their way back into the kitchen once again, this time Catí takes her arm, spinning her around. The three of them allow the music to move them.

“Rafi! Join us, nieto!” Catí waves him over. Rafael drops the grocery bags onto the counter joining the gyrating threesome. Catí waltzed over to the stove, after a few minutes of the dancing with the group, turning the pot off. She turned back to the other members in the room, she watched her grandson dance with his love, she had to bite back tears, thinking of how far he’d come; from a woman who didn’t like to socialize and wouldn’t be caught dead dancing around a kitchen with her husband and his grandparents out of caution, not wanting to scuff the flooring to a woman who is so open and accepting in her ways, her words, and of other people. Olivia was a complete 180, from what they were used to with Yelina. She couldn’t believe how perfectly she complimented her sometimes wound too tightly grandson, the mere fact that he was able to find Olivia after such a heartbreaking moment in his life and still find the space in him to love Olivia and be loved by Olivia, set her heart ablaze.

“Rafi, are you sure this one isn’t Cubano?” Berto chuckles, walking over to lower the volume on the radio once again.

Catí announces dinner is ready. They wash up and grab everything they’ll need for dinner—Rafa grabs the plates and plantanos, Olivia the utensils and napkins, Berto the rice, beans, and pulled pork, Catí the glasses and drinks. They settle in at the table, the food is dished out, they join hands in prayer, then finally dig in.

“So, ‘Livia or should I say, Detective?” Catí smirks.

“Oh no—please call me Liv or Olivia or something of the sort.” She covered her mouth not meaning to speak with her mouth full. “This food is delicious, by the way.” She adds her side comment once she’s swallowed.

“Oh, I’ll be sure to give you the recipe, Rafi loves his Cuban food! You can make it for him—“ Rafael chokes on his water. His grandmother _never_ shared her recipes with anyone outside their immediate family—hell, he was still waiting to earn the privileged knowledge of her special ingredients in her frijoles.

“Rafa, you okay, baby?” Olivia rubs small circles in his back, hoping to regulate his breathing.

“Um, yeah.” He clears his throat trying earnestly not to purr at her comforting touch, “Think I had a break in my case,” he thought on his feet.

“How is it that you’re with this gorgeous woman and tus encantadores abuelos but still manage to think about work?” Catí eyes him.

“Eh, you know he gets it from his Mamí.” Berto gently reminds his wife.

“Where did she get that from?” She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, ‘Livia—where were see?”

“Somewhere between the 5th degrees and giving out coveted recipes.” Rafael raised a single eyebrow at his abuela.

“You know what, Rafa? Since you’ve done me this great pleasure and brought Olivia into our lives—I’ll give you the damn frijoles recipe.” Olivia blushed a beet red, aiming her flattered eyes at her plate.

“Wait, are you—really?”

“Get me a paper and pen and I’ll write it down for you right now.” Rafael immediately stood to his feet, grabbing his notepad off of the coffee table in the living room and his special golden summation pen. Catí rolls her eyes writing down the recipe in her distinctive curved penmanship. He grabs the folded up paper, glancing over it before he kissed the sheet then Olivia immediately after.

“Oh, my Livylove be prepared to gain ten pounds!” He kissed her cheek in quick succession.

“Oh, no, you keep that to yourself.”

“I’m gonna frijoles you to death!”

“Rafa, no.”

“Olivia, yes!”

“Not all of us look good with an extra ten pounds,” She rubbed the slight pudge of his belly.

“You can’t be talking about yourself? You're delusional! You’re single handily the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, not even an additional hundred pounds can change that.”

“Stop trying to flatter me, it’s working.”

“I’m just saying, you could’ve found a gentler way to tell me to hit the gym.”

“I don’t want you to hit the gym! Your build is perfect.” Her eyes developed a cloudy dream like layer over them. “I love your little pudge.” _That’s not all you love._ Her mind mocked her, urged her, prodded her to confess the contents of her heart. Maybe here with his grandparents present isn’t the best time to disclose—so she swallowed her feelings once again.

Catí grabs her husband’s hand under the table, shooting him a hopeful glance. He smiled at her reassuringly, sealing the deal with a clipped nod. The married couple ate in near silence just soaking in the deliriously in love yet verbally in denial couple in front of them. How could two people bicker and argue so fondly? If this wasn’t love—Catí had never seen it before. Rafael and Olivia are the picture-perfect example of Catalina and Alberto when they were younger.

 _Please, God. Let this work out for mi nieto muy merecido._ She sent her prayer up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pan con pinga = Cuban terminology for sex  
> chochete después de defender su honor y casi ir a prisión por ella = (y'all should know what this word means now) after defending her honor and almost going to hail for her  
> Dios, por favor envíame nuevos amigos = God, please send me new friends  
> Soy demasiado viejo para esto, pero ¿dónde está la radio? = I'm too old for this, but where's the radio?  
> perezoso = lazy  
> Azúcar = sugar  
> tus encantadores abuelos = your lovely grandparents  
> mi nieto muy merecido = my very deserving grandon
> 
> The updates will be more staggered than back to back updates as I'm trying to work on my other fics as well. Y'all asked for the abuelos and here they are! I'm trying to figure out which plot point to use next. (;


	14. Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Descriptions of sexual assault from 9.15 Undercover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short, the explanation for the random chapter in the endnote.

“Liv, are you avoiding me?”

“No.”

“Did I do something?”

“No.”

“Please say something other than, no.”

“Rafa, I’m just—I have a lot on my plate right now.” She shook her head, he could see through the half-cracked door she had a nervous fidgety air to her.

“Olivia, you don’t have to bear it alone anymore.” His eyes plead with her to open the door wider, she fitfully resigned. “Please talk to me,” he stepped inside, duffel bag hanging over his shoulder—they spent many nights together, usually at his house, Rafael had enough clothes with him to last him two weeks. He wasn’t going anywhere until she opened up and he figured out what the hell was wrong with them.

“Rafa, it’s not you, it’s—“

“Olivia.” Her eyes glued to her feet. “Look at me.” Slowly her eyes trailed up his perfectly sculpted form and met his green eyes for the first time in what felt like years but had really been a week and a half. “Remember when I was trapped inside a-fourteen-year bondage, bound by throw pillows? And you liberated me?” She nodded, “Every good man knows what his woman needs, and you need to talk—get it off of your chest.”

“That was different—that was easier—“

“That wasn’t easy for me,” a slight tinge of anger seasons his tone.

“I’m not—I didn’t mean—“ Olivia turned away from Rafael as the tears fought its way to the surface. In an instant, Rafael drops his duffle to the floor, moving to pull Olivia into his embrace. “I’m sorry, this is why I’ve been avoiding you—I say things I don’t mean—nothing comes out right—I don’t want to hurt your feelings, you, or what we have.”

“Come, let’s have a seat.” He guides her to the couch, she collapses into his lap. “You can tell me anything, I’ll perjure myself for you if I had to.” He jokes lightly, as she shifts nervously in her seat—well his lap—tucking herself under his chin, her right hand resting over the faint beating of his heart.

“It...” her voice trailed off. “Last year,” she cleared her throat, “Before I met you I went undercover,” He winced subtly. “At, um, Sealview correctional facility.” She shut her eyes, allowing the gentle rise and fall of his chest to ground her.

“Sealview? Didn’t they shut that place down?” She nodded.

“There was a string of assaults and ODs in the prison that trickled out into my jurisdiction. A little girl was raped to teach her mother—an inmate—a lesson.” She pressed her cheek against his clavicle to signal her need to be held, Rafa immediately reacted, wrapping his thick arms around her slender frame, helping her feel more secure. “I went under—my decision—Fin posed as a CO hoping he could help me sniff out the trash. My first day, right after intake I was felt up—I broke cover immediately—I reacted, threw the officer up against a wall, Fin had to subdue me—threw me on the floor and hit me with his baton. I still don’t think he’s forgiven himself for making me bleed.” Rafael’s hands rubbed soothing patterns in her back. “There was one officer who gave me a particularly hard time, we were sure it was him—he was the one that groped me, he harassed my cellmate, put me in uncomfortable situations where he had the full view of me, so when he pinned an uproar on me...I didn’t think anything of it other than his wicked way of making my life hell.” She feels her breath hitch, throat constricting by the second.

“Liv, take a deep breath with me,” he inhales deeply watching her keenly attempt to follow his directions, “it’s okay, now exhale my love, let it all out. All that tension, all the anxiety, all the fear—no one can hurt you, while I’m with you.” He promises, using his hands on her back to guide her breathing, “tell me at your own pace.” He soothes as she regulates her breathing.

“I—um—he brought me to the Lieutenant and he—“ she hiccups.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” his hands go back to mimicking her breathing with comforting movements along her spine.

“He told me I was going in the hole, but once we started descending the stairs I had this sinking feeling—but I was powerless, there was nothing I could do.” She trailed off, fighting the burning sensation building in the back of her throat. “He took me into some storage room I feigned ignorance, hoping my gut feeling was wrong. But once I saw the old raggedy mattress waiting for me at the end of the hall l—dread filled me. I started screaming—fighting—pushing back. He had me overpowered. He shoved me face-first into the mattress. He managed to uncuff me—his first mistake I guess—I was able to escape and knee him in the balls. I hid, he hunted me like I was his prey—some weak injured baby gazelle facing off against the king of the jungle.”

“Take your time,” Rafa didn’t push or prod her past any of her comfort zones.

“He sniffed me out, after threatening to kill me, I relented. He walked me over to an exit my mind went wild, was he going to kill me and stage my murder as a suicide? Was he not a fan of the chase? Was he gonna let me go?” Her heartbeat stutters. “He pushed me down into my knees and handcuffed me to the door. He whipped his—it was so close to my face, I studied it. He held my head in place—told me if I bit him he’d kill me. He pressed his sordid—thing against my lips right when Fin arrived.” She exhaled, He matched her reaction.

“Olivia...” He held her in awe, she really was the strongest woman he’d ever met. “You fought like hell.” Was all he could muster up, tears brimming his eyes.

“I started therapy— for months after, the nightmares and flashbacks haunted me.I felt guilty and stupid. How could I feel so violated? How could I feel so triggered when he didn’t even rape me?” She exasperated.

“Olivia, your trauma is just as valid—just because you’re an SVU detective doesn’t mean you’re absolved of human reactions, you didn’t put yourself in that position, you didn’t ask to be assaulted, you and your brain are not to blame. Sexual assault is a heavy burden to carry. Your brain is protecting itself the best way it knows how.” Her tears seeped through his cotton sweater. “Seeking help doesn’t make you weak or any less of a strong badass woman detective.”

“I did seek help, I did group and individual sessions. I buried myself in my work because I had nothing to distract me outside of the precinct—that’s how I got sucked into the undercover op with the FBI. I had nothing to lose—maybe except some sleep—if anything happened to me, who’d miss me?” He nosed her hair, inhaling the faint smell of her shampoo before scattering kisses in her hair. “So I went. Persephone Jones didn’t need therapy, so why would Olivia Benson? It wasn’t in my jacket—captain thought it was better that way, ya know? It’s hard enough being the woman in a man’s world, didn’t need the victim stigma to follow me around too.”

“Liv—“ she shook her head.

“I believed it too, I still do. I don’t want to be seen as a victim.”

“You aren’t a victim, ‘Livia, you’re a survivor.”

“Do survivors _still_ need therapy?” She shook her head, “The only people that knew what happened were Melinda and Fin. I couldn’t speak to them for six and a half weeks. I just had to let the trauma ravage me and swallow it all.”

“Did you continue with therapy after you got back?”

“After the undercover bid, I took a week to myself—they’d replaced me at SVU, I didn’t have a place there for another two weeks. At that time, I was keyed away in my apartment—sorting through my life until I got the call from Fin. He was asking if I planned on coming back because work and justice weren’t the same without me.” She sighed. “Three days after I started back at SVU again, I had a meltdown, cut my bangs, and went to some lousy cop bar to drown my sorrows in public because that’s less pitiful.”

“Is that?”

“That’s the night I met you.” Her thumb circled his nipple. “You helped me forget, Rafa. I hadn’t thought of him or the incident. I was unable to be intimate after that until I met you.”

“Liv?” His heart rate picked up.

“Hm?”

“What triggered this?”

“Trial prep.” She shrugged. “I’d forgotten all about it, maybe I suppressed it. But I couldn’t do that when having to face him in open court now can I?” Rafael’s eyes soften.

“When do you have to be in court, to testify?”

“Wednesday.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Raf—“

“No. No, if, ands, or buts. I’m going to be there. I’m taking the day off and I’ll be in the gallery—right there if you need any reassurance. The moment you’re off the stand you’ll be in my arms.” She silently sobbed into his chest, unable to process the depth his affection ran for her.

His mind raced, he’d never felt more in love with the woman in his arms then he did right now. His eyes filled with admiration and unfettered infatuation. This couldn’t be the right time, the room felt too heavy, too laden with worries and troubles. She was too vulnerable and anxious—the moment had to be just right. No matter how much he knew she needed to hear it—from his lips to her ears—he knew it wouldn’t hold the same meaning in this state—in this environment.

But boy, did he love her. It was only a matter of time before he blurted it out while just admiring her or doing basic day to day activities. The feelings of love consumed him whole—the feeling of freedom, seeing the light reflected in her eyes when the rest of his existence felt dark, dreary, and bleak; a simple glance of her eyes brought his whole world into perspective. Whenever he felt as if he was floating through his days—when nothing seemed real all he needed was to hear her voice or feel her touch on his skin to be grounded again.

He’d tell her how he felt soon, but it couldn’t be today, she needed him to be her rock, and that’s exactly what he would do—silently supporting her while in her corner, for now, that’ll have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lately, I’ve been going through and working through a lot. Some days are harder than others—I literally don’t have the words for anything at all. But other days are easier and the only way I can express myself is via writing. So I used my emotional support characters to write a fix it for my own state of mind, LOL. 
> 
> This is a random chapter, (never planned for it in the plot—I guess its an extra chapter) I will most likely not follow up with the trail. So please just take it with a grain of salt. See it as a moment of Barson bonding // Olivia unleashing her vulnerability // Rafael’s chance to support Olivia on a much deeper, raw, and emotive level. Some of their final steps before they take the leap. 
> 
> (To follow through with this arc would throw off my timeline since Olivia wasn’t attacked until the end of season 9, this fic takes place in the season 8 universe, and these events in this chapter wouldn’t unfold until 10 or 11)
> 
> The story will be back to business as usual with the next update.


	15. Communication Is Key

Rafael and Olivia walked back to her apartment, hand in hand, it was merely passed 7 in the morning—the couple had taken in the sunrise during their early morning workout.

Life picked up after the trial came and went—the two of them barely had any spare time to spend together, other than holding each other as they slept, sometimes fooling around in their exhausted state would lead to lazy lovemaking to the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the city—as they were still shacked up in Olivia’s 1 by 1. Rafael felt more comfortable here with her than he did in his own home. He learned from sharing a bed, a sink, a toilet, a shower, drawer space, and an overly packed closet—because there was no other option—that there was no one else he’d rather spend his every waking moment with. They existed in synchronized harmony most of the time—he couldn’t wrap his mind around not living with her for another day. Was he considering selling his house? Transferring to Manhattan? Would she even be okay with all of this? Did she even love him back? When was he going to actually say it to her? Was he moving too fast? He’d been so wrapped up in his own mind all morning, he’d virtually been silent and allowing her to lead the conversation.

Rafael listened to her talk during their cool down from the intense workout he’d just endured, she effectively dragged him out of bed and into the park—on advice from her therapist, healthy coping skills and positive activities to pervade the vulnerability filled silences— since the two were inseparable now, that meant exercise for Rafael too. He could barely catch his breath but she rambled about everything and nothing from office politics; to a book, she heard about and really wanted to read; to how she was feeling and whatever else was on her mind. By the time she stopped mindlessly filling the silence with comfortable chatter, there was a bit more color in her rosy cheeks as they circled back to her building. His feet were sore, from all the cardio they did but his body felt light. 

"You're awfully quiet this morning." She mumbled as they stepped in the elevator.

“I am?" He quirked an eyebrow as she shot him a skeptical look. He leaned against her, pinning her to the wall, boxing her into the corner of the already cramped metal vessel. "Consider, it’s you who makes me speechless?” She rolled her eyes, groaning at his sappy bullshit. He chuckled kissing her lips serval times in quick succession until the elevator doors opened, she fondly shoved him away making her way into the hall, with her signature pout on her face. He laughed with his full chest at her failed aggression and fake annoyance.

She couldn't help but feel weak in the knees at the sight of him. He trailed behind her like a lovesick puppy, with that stupid grin on his face thinking about how much he loved her.

“I don’t want to go to work today,” She groaned as she slipped out of her sweat soaked sports bra and leggings.

“It’s Thursday,” he reminded her as he dug through his drawers, “Liv?” He called out as she peeled her underwear off, throwing them in the ever-growing pile of dirty clothes in the hamper.

“Yeah, babe?” She called out as she stepped under the warming spray of the showerhead.

“We forgot to do laundry last night,” his voice was light and suggestive as he shuffled over to the closet in search of a suit to wear into work today.

“And whose fault is that?” Olivia would’ve glared at him if she wasn’t shampooing behind a lilac tinted shower curtain. “Keep that damn tongue to yourself and we wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

“Interesting, from what I remember you had no arguments last night. Hmm, if I remember correctly all you had to say was, ‘ _faster, Raf, faster,’_ and _‘fuck Rafa just like that.’_ I could go ask the neighbors, I’m pretty sure they heard it too.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re kinda an asshole?” She chuckled out loud unable to suppress them or deny his claims.

“An asshole with great oratory skills as I’ve been told.”

“Don’t forget those motor skills. I’m still sore,” she added as she began to wrap up her shower.

“I can’t say I’m sorry about that.” He smirks as he strips out of his work out clothes, stuffing the pile down into the hamper so it all didn’t come toppling over with a gentle breeze. “I’m actually kinda proud,” he stepped into the shower, pecking her lips as she slipped out.

“Why’d you bring it up?” She wrapped her towel snuggly under her arms, “Are you trying to turn us into one of those old married couples who bicker over everything?”

“Of course not Mrs. Barba,” he joked, awarded by an eye roll from the woman he was maddeningly in love with. “I have no more underwear here cause we didn’t do the laundry.”

“I guess there are _some_ consequences for ignoring responsibilities to fool around and have sex.”

“Great sex—mind-blowing sex.” He corrected.

“I’d say just free-ball to work, but then as I quickly remember I’ll be a Burrough away and can’t keep those desperate eyes off of you.”

“What are you gonna do? Fight every person in the Brooklyn DA’s office for giving me the eyes?” He snorted as he rinsed the conditioner out of his hair.

“What you think I can’t take them?”

“Oh, you can take them Detective Benson, especially the burly one whose been shamelessly flirting with me.” He washed the suds off his slick skin.

“It’s almost like you want me to go down to the Brooklyn DA’s office and get arrested for assault.” She smirked as she took two steps back, handing him his fluffy gray towel, he mindlessly reached out to grab it—this routine was second nature to them as they taught themselves to have a semblance of self-control, seeing as after their first-morning shower ended up with them wrapped up in each other; Olivia pressed against the glistening and slippery wall before Rafael escorted them back to bed, they were both late for work that morning. “Just wear one of mine,” she pecked his lips on his way out of the shower.

“I don’t think a thong going up my ass is really appropriate, I have court today,” he eyed her in the mirror as she finished moisturizing her skin, she raised a single eyebrow at him, a smirk taking over her face.

“Is court the only reason you wouldn’t wear a thong of mine to work?” Her brown orbs studied his form as he tightened his towel around his waist.

“Pretty much,” he shrugged grabbing for his toothbrush.

“Good to know,” she gripped her toothbrush, flipping on the faucet as Rafael handed her the toothpaste. “I-was-talking-about-the-pair-of-boxers-of-yours-I-stole-to-wear-to-bed-when you’re-not-around.” All her words jumbled together as she spoke while cleaning her teeth. He understood her perfectly.

“When-am-I-not-around?” He spoke with his lips sealed, swishing water around his mouth. She didn’t miss a beat.

“Do you want them or not?” She sang happily.

“Of course I want them—hopefully they’ll smell like you.” He kissed her temple as they placed their toothbrushes back into the holder.

“I don’t wear underwear when I wear them at night.”

“Lovely,” he smiled at her parting backside as she made her exit out of the bathroom. “I think I’m gonna go home tonight.” She stopped dead in her tracks.

“Why?” She pursed her lips as her heart descended several inches into the pit of her stomach.

“Oh, it’s nothing, baby.” He waved her off, walking into the bedroom. “I’m out of suits and need to pick up some more. I got the side-eye yesterday for wearing navy trousers, a gray vest, and my navy jacket.”

 _‘Just bring all your shit here!’_ She wanted to shout at him, but she swallowed that jerk reaction. Was she seriously considering living with him full time? Well obviously she was—weren’t they kind of doing that already? She was giddy when they spent the night together but hated having to spend the night alone. Was she becoming codependent? Or was this what love felt like? Was she moving too fast? They were only together—eight months? Eight months tomorrow. And she was already ready to blurt how much she loved him? To move in with him? Did he even love her back?

“Oh, okay.” Is all that left her lips.

“Livy, don’t give me that face.”

“What face? I’m not doing a face,” she tried her hardest to fake a smile as she dug through her panty draw for a matching set, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“You definitely are,” he stepped into the boxers she’d offered him, “I’m coming back tomorrow night after work I just have to pack a few more things.” She nodded, stepping into the closet to pull down her blouse and trousers for the day. “Olivia.” He stood behind her, winding his arms around her torso.

“No, I know—I know, I’m just a big baby who wants you with me at all times.” She arched, to feel his chest more firmly pressed into her back.

“You know this position never ends well for us,” he whispers into her ear.

“I guess that means no fooling around to tide me over?”

“It’s one day.”

“Over 24 hours.”

“When did you become insatiable?”

“When you penetrated me...with those addictive drugs you call appendages.”

“How many—“

“Lips, fingers, tongue, and—“ she grips his penis firmly, palming him through the light material of his boxers.

“Olivia.” He cleared his throat. “I have no other boxers to replace this pair if you cause me to make a mess in these.” She smirked over her shoulder, “Liv, we have to get ready for work.” He stiffened his spine, pulling away from her altogether.

“You’re no fun,” she stuck her tongue out at him before sauntering away to finally get ready for work.

* * *

Olivia stepped into the precinct, scanning her eyes over the squad room noting all four desks were empty.

Munch had been away at some DNA exoneration conference. Stabler was back from his two-week suspension (with pay) and was now stuck with desk duty for a month and a half, which he only had two weeks left to serve. He’d been lucky they didn’t pull his badge like they did those two rookie cops pending further investigation.

Where was Fin? He was on call with her all week until Munch got back from his conference tomorrow afternoon—where they’d both be relieved from their week from hell. It seemed having Stabler on desk duty was more punishment for them then the other way around.

Rafael was pissed, Stabler assaulted his girlfriend then practically instructed two men to arrest her and brutalize him—and all he got was a slap on the wrist suspension _with pay_ and measly desk duty? He got to go home on time to his wife and kids while Olivia and Fin were working doubles—pushing twice the weight? Olivia tried to explain to him that 1PP wanted his badge but Cragen put his neck out on the line to save him, because _‘he was a good cop and not like the other two.’_

“Liv,” Fin called out with a tray of two coffee cups and two brown paper bags as he leisurely strolled into the squad room.

“How the hell did you manage to make it in on time and stop for breakfast? It’s 8:29 in the morning.” She leaned back into her seat, arms folded across her chest. “Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?” She squinted her eyes at him.

“This asshole bakery on wheels cut me off on my way to get us some coffee, so I pulled his ass over.” He rolled his eyes, tilting the tray in her direction so she could pull her cup out of the holder. “He thought I was gone give him a ticket like I’m a uniform or sumn.” He shrugged his shoulders dropping a brown paper bag on her desk before taking his seat on his designated corner of her desk.

“That’s the best friend, I know and love.”

“Well, the sucka tried buttering me up with some coffee, breakfast sandwiches, and a donut—I ate the donut in the car.” She chuckled.

“It’s okay, I can’t afford too many sweets anyway, it goes straight to my pudge.” She patted the nearly nonexistent swell at the base of her belly.

“Did Rafael tell you that?” He glared her, “I’ll kill that muthafuka—“

“Fin! No, you know he would never.”

“I ain’t never heard some crazy shit like that come out yo’ mouth before,” his tone was colored with warning.

“You know he’s far too sweet on me to ever say anything so rude,” she smiled, unwrapping her egg white, spinach, and turkey bacon hash brown bagel. “Odafin, you’re too good to me,” she moaned as the flavor danced across her tongue.

“You better finish allat or I’m runnin’ over to Dunkin’ and force-feeding you a half dozen glazed.”

“Trust me, I’m finishing this, don’t you worry.” She patted his thigh lightly before taking another bite.

“Sometimes I think you’re too in love with him to tell him off.” She choked on her drink. “Yeah, don’t deny it, I already know.” He rolled his eyes handing her a napkin.

“Fin—“

“Don’t want to hear ya denial of something I already know as fact.” She avoided his gaze.

“Seems like its only us today?” She changed the subject smoothly.

“Dickie and Elizabeth had some accident at school yesterday so Stabler is in some parent-teacher conferences and meetings with the admin.” Usually, Olivia would inquire further but that information seemed to roll off her back. “Cap’n is at a meeting with the chief of d’s so we’re on our own until that’s over.”

“Oh, um, okay?” She wiped the mess on her chin, unsure why Cragen told Fin all that information and left her in the dark. “So unless we get a call, we’re getting paid to just lounge around?”

“Yup.”

“Hm, so how’s Rita?”

“Beautiful as ever.”

“How long have the two of you been together?” She bit her bottom lip.

“Mmm,” he thought plopping himself down in the seat next to her desk, “Not quite a year and a half yet, I think we should be at 1 year and 4 months pretty soon.” His eyes gleamed thinking about his lawyer girlfriend. “Why?”

“Do you ever think about moving in with her?” She asked, guilt seasons her tone.

“Yeah we’ve talked about it, but neither our leases are up yet so we’re in no rush.” He studied the worry etched into her face. “Why? Are you?” Her eyes moved to her lap.

“Yeah,” she shook her head. “We’ve been together for eight months tomorrow. I hate to spend a night without him...I’ve grown so accustomed to him being there on the other side of the bed—I—I can’t sleep without him there, or I’m tossing and turning the whole night.” She sighed. “We function so well together, as a unit—our morning routine is a science and it’s so natural. It doesn’t even bother me sharing closet space—I donated clothes so his shit would fit.”

“So, what’s stopping you?” He tilted his head to the side.

“Am I moving too fast?”

“According to whose timeline?” Fin leaned forward, resting his elbow on her desk, “there’s no perfect time for anything—no one mapped out an appropriate schedule—of what’s considered acceptable for when ya supposed to act or how we feel, Liv. If ya gut is tellin’ you to move in with him and ya heart supports the idea—do it.”

“But...”

“But what?”

“I haven’t even told him I—ya know...What if he doesn’t feel that way about me? What if this is just a rebound? He just got out a manipulative fourteen-year relationship where he felt trapped. Why would he want to dive in headfirst with me?”

“Liv, are you serious? He’d dive in head first while blindfolded, with earplugs, and rocks in his pocket because he loves you—from what I’ve seen maybe even more than you love him.”

“You think so?”

“I can’t tell you with 100% confidence. I’m at a solid 98% here.” He chuckles to himself. “But the only way you’ll know how he truly feels and what he wants from you and out of this relationship is if you talk to _him_ about it.” He placed his hand on her shoulder.

“You’re right.” She sighed, looking over at her best friend.

“So what ya gonna do?”

“I think I’ll surprise him with a homemade meal for our eight month anniversary,” since their sixth month anniversary was ruined and they couldn’t make it up with month seven due to her PTSD and the trial. “We can sit down and finally talk about our relationship.”

“Maybe put a label on it finally?” Fin smirked.

“We have a label—he’s mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short filler chapter to help us get to the moment y'all all been waiting for. Let me know what y'all think is gonna happen next.


	16. Mess This Up

“Hm.” Olivia thought to herself aloud, as she turned the locks to the empty brownstone, stepping inside the home she could navigate with her eyes closed. “What to cook? What to cook?” She hummed. Maybe she should’ve thought out her game plan yesterday while she was sitting around with Fin gossiping and playing games on his PSP (portable play station).

She shuffled to the kitchen, placing her grocery bags on the island. Eagerly she whipped open the freezer to find trays of premade frozen meals. What the hell? Olivia grew suspicious, she’d spent the last three weeks with Rafa—he’d bitched about not having food at home and being so grateful to come home every night to snack heaven. That seemed like such an insignificant thing to lie about.

Her Rafael wouldn’t just lie over something so simple yet so very stupid. And she knew damn well he hadn’t cooked nine dishes and froze them all last night. That meant one thing—someone had been in his home. But why?

Olivia did a sweep, utilizing her highly trained detective eye for something out of place or a sign of life in the eerily silent Bronx home.

She maneuvered around the stacked trays, pulling out the Mettwurst from a few weeks ago, she’d decided she’d smoke the German sausage and serve it as an appetizer. After putting the expensive bottle of champagne she’d purchased to chill, she searched the Rolodex of Recipes Catí had given her. She fished her phone out of her back pocket thumbing the only number coming to mind right now.

“Hola,” the sweet lingering voice broke through the phone’s speaker.

“Hola Catí, it’s Olivia.”

“Livy! I’m glad you called. How can I help you, mama?”

“Sorry to bother you, but—“

“You’re never a bother, Livy. You can call me anytime,” Olivia could nearly hear the smile in her tone.

“That means a lot to me.” She bit her bottom lip. “I am surprising Rafa with dinner tonight and I know you gave me so many of your recipes, but I’m having a hard time picking one that isn’t too big for my britches.”

“Are you at Rafi’s?”

“Yes.”

“I’m in the area. I can swing on by and walk you through Picadillo. One of Rafi’s favorites!”

“If it wouldn’t inconvenience you, I’d love that.”

“Oh, mija, you know I’d do anything to spend a little extra time with you. I guess that’s where Rafi gets it from.”

Within a few minutes, Catí is knocking on Rafael’s front door. Olivia opens the door only to be engulfed by the scent of jasmine, cinnamon sugar, and an undertone of gardenias, accompanied by a feeling of arms wrapping around her middle. Olivia immediately melted into Catí’s embrace.

“Hi, mama.” Catí pulled away slightly, “What’s the occasion for the surprise?” She steps inside past Olivia with grocery bags hanging from the bend of her arm where her elbow connects.

“Our sixth and seventh month anniversaries were spoiled. So I thought if there was no pressure or planning there’s no way this one could be ruined.” She shrugs shyly.

“No expectations, no labels, sin dolor?” Olivia avoids Catí’s gaze as she pulls out all the appropriate ingredients.

“It—he—things like this don’t happen to me. Rafa is too perfect to be true. I’m afraid he’ll wake up one day and realize that—that—“

“That you’re not enough?” Catí’s eyes soften. “He could never think that, Livy. He doesn’t do pity love.” Olivia continues chopping the vegetables as tears brim her eyes. “Do you love him, Olivia?”

“I—“ her throat constricts, she nods furiously, her tears matching the intensity of her head movements. “I can’t lose him. I’m gonna mess this up—I’m bound to mess this up. I always do!” Olivia physically began to crumble, Catí immediately abandons the heating oil on the stove to capture Olivia’s cracking exterior.

“Oh, my! ‘Livia!” Catí pulls Olivia’s head into the crook of her neck. “Let it out, mi dulce hija,” Olivia begins to tremble harder against Catí’s side.

“I—I’m sorry, I’m not usually so—“ Catí shakes her head, cutting her off.

“You shouldn’t bottle these dirty little feeling up.” She lovingly scolded. “Who do you talk to?”

“No one,” she swallowed thickly.

“What do you mean no one?” Catí’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head. “Not even your mom?”

“When she was alive, she resented me every moment of her drunken stupor.” She gruffed.

“No, no más mi dulce niña,” Catí kissed her sweet-smelling hair, “You have me now.”

“Catí—“

“No! Don’t want to hear it.” She waves her off, stepping back to the heated oil. “I expect weekly calls from mi nieta.” She shrugs. “Ask Rafi, I will find you if you don’t.” She beams over at the young beauty who brings her grandson so much joy and comfort.

“Thank you, Catí.”

“You can call me Abuelita too if you want.” Olivia’s sullen face soon morphs into a grinning mess. “Rafi loves you so much, I wish you knew that. I’ve never seen him this happy, not in the decade and a half he spent with la diabla.” Catí loops her arm with Olivia’s pulling her closer until their hips bump. “I never cared for her, but you? It’s like from the moment I met you, you felt like family.” Olivia dropped her head lazily onto her shoulder.

“I’ve never felt more accepted in my life than with you, Rafa, and Berto.”

“Come on mamas, no more of this soft lovely-dovey stuff—there’s no room for that in a Cuban kitchen! It’s time to teach you to cook like the true Cubana I know you are!” Catí deepens her accent for dramatic flair.

* * *

“Rafi?”

“Eddie.”

“Why the fuck are you buying underwear in bulk?”

“I need them for Olivia’s place.”

“93 pairs of them?”

“Look, Eduardo, I don’t want to have to shuffle boxers around anymore. I just need some for her place.” He shrugs.

“A three month supply? Why are you paying a mortgage and she paying rent? Just fucking move in already.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too soon for that?”

“Too soon? You two come mierdas are bat shit crazy for each other and spend weeks at a time at the other’s place and only take hour breaks in between stays.”

“Okay...”

“Rafa, there is no too soon when you’re this in love.”

“How can you be so sure she loves me?”

“Are you—wait you’re seriously doubting her feelings for you? Rafi.” He shoots him a blank stare, “Did we meet the same, Olivia? The fierce completely independent badass detective that willingly attaches herself to your hip? The woman who would never take orders from any man except her gentle giant who knows how to talk to her? Raf, I met her twice and I know she’s the yin to your yang.” Rafael sighs.

“I’m afraid to mess this up. What do I say, hi Olivia Benson I’m head over shoes in love with you—what do you think, I sell my house, you give up the lease to your apartment and we get a place together?”

“Verbatim.”

“No—“

“Fine, I’ll tell her for you.” Eddie shoves the box in his back seat before reaching for Rafael's back pocket.

“Eddie! Get your hands away from mi culo!” Rafael swats his best friend’s hands away from his ass.

“I’m not trying to take Olivia’s goodies, I just want the phone.” Raf jerks in the opposite direction.

“Now why would I willingly give you my phone?” He holds the cellular device tightly against his chest.

“Rafi, you know I will wrestle you for it, I have no shame.” Eddie lounged for the phone.

“This is why we stopped hanging out!” Rafael zigged when Eddie thought he was going to zag, “Are you going to chase me around the entire parking lot?” They circled the car for the third time, Rafael sprints at full speed as he breaks the loop, leaving an aching Eddie in his dust.

“Until I get the phone!” He screeched breathlessly.

“Olivia makes me work out enough!” He slowed down to a sprint, grateful for the intense cardio she’d put him under.

“Is that why you’re suddenly so fast?” Eddie surrendered, crouching with his hands on his knees, heaving for air.

“You’re out of shape, bud.” Rafael saunters over, clapping his palm against his shoulder, smugly.

“Just because Olivia fucked you into shape, doesn’t mean I won’t catch up, so I can beat your ass again.” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“It’s called torturous early morning exercise, maybe you’ll join us one morning?”

“Me? Up before the school bell rings? You’ve finally lost your mind.”

“So now I’m the brains _and_ the brawn?”

“And since Alex is dead to us, I guess that makes me the mouthpiece.” He shrugs.

“God, please no.”

“Truce?”

“To what?”

“Will you tell Olivia you love her?”

“I’m working my way up to that.”

“By what? Dropping loads of underwear off at her place while you silently scream how deeply in love you are with her, with those green spectacles that _always_ betray you?”

“I’m gonna tell her, Ed.” Rafael sighs.

“When?” He leans against the car, “She needs to hear it as much as you need to get it off your chest.”

“I know, I will, soon—I promise.”

* * *

Catí and Olivia finished up dinner in no time. With a bright and widening grin on her face, she pressed a kiss into Olivia’s hair, “Now go get into something a little sexier and a lot less conservative.” Olivia blushed a deep red. “I’ll let myself out.” She waved as she collected her purse and leftover groceries.

Olivia double checked to make sure the stove was off before she entered what she’d considered _their_ bedroom. She showered; washed and straightened her hair; applied very light natural makeup, and slipped onto a sexy red bosque bodysuit with floral black lace patterns on top of the fire red material, the sides cut out and covered with black see-through lace; she slipped her simple black silk robe on top before going back out into the kitchen to slice and plate the sausage they’d be having for appetizers.

“What are you doing here?” Olivia jumped in fear, clutching the knife she had in her hand as she turned around to see a perturbed Lucia staring back at her.

“Oh my, you gave me a fright Mrs. Barba.” She dropped the knife with a polite smile growing on her face. She extends her hand out to greet the woman properly.

“How did you get in here?” Lucia leaves her hand dangling in the air.

“Um...with my key?” She chuckles nervously.

“My son wouldn’t give just anyone a key.” The older woman eyed Olivia up and down, she began to feel uncomfortable as she tightened the belt of her robe.

“Well, we’ve been seeing each other for eight months now...I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m just anyone.”

“He’s been divorced for nine months.”

“And three weeks—he told me on our first date.”

“Look, Olive—“

“Via..”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s Olivia.”

“Okay? Olivia.” She attempts to cool her facial expressions. “What kind of grown woman wants to be a rebound? Can’t you see that’s what you are? Don’t you want to do better than a stepping stone?” Olivia gulped. “What kind of broken home did you come from?”

“One without a father and my mother drunk herself to death.”

“What do you want with my Rafi?” Lucia’s eyes softened. Olivia reflected on everything Catí had reassured her of, earlier.

“Mrs. Barba, I can’t put into words all I feel for your son. Why I feel this way about him. Or how when it’s so soon, but it only takes so much to fall in love with someone as spectacular as Rafael.” Olivia paused, realizing this was the first time she’d ever said it aloud, it hit her like a ton of bricks. She loves that man and she can’t bother to deny it or try to hide it any longer. “I love him and I think I want to spend the rest of my life figuring it out with him by my side.”

“You love him?” Olivia nods reassuringly, “You barely know him, niña,” Lucia’s tone softens.

“I know him like I know my own mind. I’m still getting to know him, every day. I learn him and something about him every single day. He makes me better that way, he teaches me about myself. And if there’s one thing I’m sure of in this world, is that my love for him is true and not some misjudged guise or some type of pretense. I love your, son. And I wish you would just give me—no, us a chance.”

“My Mami and Papí like you, a lot.” Lucia bit the inside of her cheek in contemplation. After moments of silent reflection, Lucia spoke, “I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time,” her harsh exterior cracked under the pressure. “I will give you a chance to show me you love my son just as much as he loves you. I can’t afford to see him heartbroken again.” She squeezed Olivia’s arm, apologetically.

“I understand,” Olivia nods nearly imperceptibly. Lucia’s phone blares, her eyes widen at the caller ID.

“Do you mind if I join the two of you for dinner?” She asks without looking up from her phone.

“Uh, sure.” Olivia schools her features. Maybe they’ll have more luck for their nine-month anniversary, if not—for their first year, they’re going away, somewhere far far away from New York State.

“Great! I have to take this.” Lucia turns her back as Olivia transfers the food into serving dishes and into the oven to keep warm before she sneaks off to her and Rafael’s room to slip into something more appropriate.

* * *

Eddie decided he’d help Raf unload his trunk, he spotted an extra car in the driveway and turned to look at Rafael.

“Olivia’s here?” Raf craned his neck to see her vehicle parked in his driveway.

“I had no clue she’d be here,” a smile takes over his face. “She never locks her car, help me get these in her trunk.” Eddie shrugs.

“It’s not odd that y’all spent a day apart and she’s decided to come to yours? Don’t you think y’all should just move in together?” His tone is suggestive.

“We’ve been together eight months today, she’s probably just surprising me with dinner.”

“Yeah, if dinner is her chocho on the dining room table,” He chuckled to himself.

“And I’m gonna eat it until she cries and physically pushes me away.” Eddie’s smirk grows as he shuts the trunk.

“You’ve grown so much, I’m so proud.” He thumbs away a fake tear.

“Going down on la diabla was a chore, everything was rigid, timed, and stiff.” He shook his head, “She just had to have it a certain way or she wouldn’t allow herself to—“

“She wouldn’t allow herself? Rafi... and you’re telling me you didn’t see that as a major red flag as psychosis?”

“It’s in the past.” He shrugged. “With Liv, everything is fluid; she lets me try new techniques, she’s vocal, she’s not afraid to chase two or three orgasms in one go until she’s absolutely raw and sensitive.” His eyes have a dream-like undertone to them.

“You’re so in love with her.”

“Yeah, I am.” He sighs.

“Go in there, and tell her!”

“You know what? I am! That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” He nods surely, he pulls his best friend in for a quick hug before marching to the front door, nervously fidgeting with the key and the front lock before pushing it open, “Liv?”

“Rafi!” Lucia pops up, his blood runs cold. All confidence and plans he had to walk right up to Olivia profess his love and kiss her senseless went right out of the front door.

“Mami?” His voice sounded less than enthusiastic. “I thought I saw Olivia’s car outside?”

“In here, babe!” She announces her presence, exiting the kitchen carrying two glass dishes.

“Here, wait—let me get those.” He swivels them from her grip, walking them the rest of the way to the table. “Are there more?”

“Yeah in the oven,” she smiles at him, slipping her fingers between his. As they enter the kitchen, Rafael immediately looks around, he grips her hips, pressing them against the warming oven, capturing her lips with his.

“Liv, I lo—“ he mumbles against her lips.

“Rafi? Are we sitting down for dinner?” Liv silently chuckled, placing her hand at the center of his chest, her head dropping onto his shoulder.

“Later?” She circles his lips with her pointer finger.

“She’s not staying the night, no matter what.” He emphatically whispers. “Yeah, Mami, just grabbing the rest of it.” He speaks up, reaching for the other two dishes, as Olivia had already set out the cutlery, plates, and glasses.

The three get seated, Olivia sat next to Rafael— their fingers intertwined and knees bent toward the other, thighs touching so ineptly, they might as well have been sharing a seat.

“Dinner smells so Delicious, Olivia. Where’d you learn to cook so well?” Lucia offers her praise as a peace offering, from across the table. Rafael’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

“Ab—“ Olivia clears her throat. “Catí gave me her recipes and actually walked me through this one.” She smiled politely.

“Oh? Am I interrupting some special occasion?”

“No—“

“We’ve been together, eight months today,” Rafael admitted before Olivia could brush it off, as nothing.

“Oh my, Olivia, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“It’s fine really, Rafa and I will have many more anniversaries to celebrate.” Rafael’s heart skipped a few beats.

“You must be really special if she went out of her way to make all your favorites, mijo.” Lucia eyed the frijoles, maduros, Picadillo, and the sliced sausage she didn’t quite recognize.

“I like to think I’m a pretty big deal, Mami.” He smirked, avoiding Olivia’s rolling eyes.

“Did you know you're spoiled?" She said, leaning over, kissing the side of his mouth. 

"I know you are, but what am I?" He stuck out his tongue.

“A child.” She pecks his protruding extremity, rolling her eyes in pure adoration.

The dinner was light and airy, filled with easy-going conversations as Lucia earnestly tried to get to know Olivia beyond the surface of who she appears to be. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face from all the shameless flirting floating between her son and his love—even after eight months that giddy gaze between them hadn’t dulled. Lucia clears her throat after the conversation died out a bit.

“Rafi, your Papí asked to see you.” She wiped the corners of her mouth, before piling up the plates to carry to the kitchen.

“I don’t have a Papí so that’s odd.” He stiffens next to Olivia.

“Rafael, that’s not nice to treat your father that way.” She collects their dirty dishes as well, depositing them in the sink.

“After last time? You expect me to accept him with open arms?” Olivia mindlessly trails her fingers up and down his arm, tracing his arm freckles and gentling his arm hairs with her calming magic.

“You invited him to the wedding mijo, I thought you were over this?”

“ _You_ invited him to the wedding! Yelina was stressing me out enough over her reception I didn’t have the fight left in me to argue over stupid seating arrangements and guestlists.” He corrected, “How could you think I was over this? He broke my jaw!” His mother made her way back to the table after loading the dishwasher.

“It was big news, Rafi you surprised him.”

“I was a 16-year-old kid figuring out his sexuality—it doesn’t give him the right to break his only son’s jaw because he came out as bisexual!” Rafael felt Olivia tense up beside him, instantly regretting his words as they left his mouth. What would Olivia think? Would she be repulsed? He could feel his heart splitting in two. “Look Mami, when I turned 18, I said I didn’t want to see him or hear from him ever again.” He sighs, shying away from Olivia. “I meant it.”

“I’m sorry I just had high hopes.” Her apology was genuine, she’d never meant to cause him this much distress, she’d simply thought he was in a good enough mood to tackle the topic. She woefully regretted ever opening her mouth.

“Why are you talking to him anyway? You’re the one who filed for divorce.” He wanted to reach out and grab Olivia’s hands, he needed to be grounded—the hurt, the rage, the disbelief he felt simmering in his bones could only be countered by her touch—but he wasn’t so sure she’d wanted to touch him after he dropped a bombshell like _that_.

“I ran into him on Saturday at the flea market, he told me after I left he quit the drinking—“

“—If only he could do that for us—“

“—He asked about you and—you know. I told him that you two didn’t make it but you’re happier now, you’ve found someone—Olivia and she truly makes you happy.” Her eyes softened as they landed on the woman who loved her son, genuinely—through and through. “Maybe I should go, Rafi it was never my intention to upset you or ruin your night.” She stood from her seat, “I’m sorry,” he stood walking her to the door.

“I know, Mami, I’m just—I’m not ready to open that door yet.”

“I get that. I won’t push anymore.” She placed her gentle hand lovingly on his shoulder.

After clearing up the rest of the table and picking up the leftovers, Olivia made her way to them.

“Did she not know?” He shook his head solemnly. “Rafi, I’m so sorry, it’s like I had my foot in my mouth all night.”

“No, it’s my obligation to tell her. This one is on me.”

“Lucia, it was great having you tonight!”

“Likewise Olivia, you’re great company. Maybe we can catch up some other time?”

“I’d love that.” Lucia turns to walk away, Rafael closes the door behind her. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Just peachy, Liv.”

“Rafa, what the hell?” Her throat constricts, “Did I do something? Was it something I said?” The anxiety in the pit of her stomach begins to bubble over. He shakes his head, walking off toward their bedroom. “Rafa! Don’t do that. Not to me.” She followed him. “Just stop!” He halted, stopping dead in his tracks. “Can you just look at me? Talk to me, please.” Her voice quivered.

“Liv...”

“Rafa.”

“I should’ve told you.”

“Told me what?”

“About me being bisexual.” He looks away.

“You think that changes anything?”

“It has every time. People think I’m going to cheat on them, tense stares, less trust, needing to know my whereabouts every moment of every day, side-eye glances, and staggered silences. Then we just drift apart. I didn’t want that with you. There was never a _right_ time to tell you, then I blinked and I was so far gone. It’s been eight months. And I still didn’t know how to tell you. Then it just came out, you tensed up and I could already feel myself losing you.”

“Rafa, who gives a shit if you’re attracted to men? Are you attracted to me? Are you serious about this? About us?” He nods softly.

“I am, ‘Livia. I don’t have eyes for anyone else.”

“Then why would I care?” She cupped his reddening cheeks between her hands barreling down on his lips, pulling his bottom lip between her teeth. “Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.” She mumbles against his lips, meant more for herself than for anyone else.

“Is this the part where you give me 1 free pass to sleep with a man to get it out of my system?” He pulls away, worry in his eyes, not wanting this to unfold in any stereotypical ways.

“Absolutely not.” She grabs him by the suspenders making their way into the bedroom. “I’m not against unlocking the toy chest for you, Rafa.” She giggles as she pushes him down into the mattress. She climbs on top, straddling his chest, “I was serious when I said you’re mine and only mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sin dolor = no pain  
> no más mi dulce niña = no more my sweet girl  
> mi nieta = granddaughter  
> la diabla = the devil  
> come mierdas = "shit eaters" / asshole/idiot  
> mi culo = my ass  
> The next chapter will be short.


	17. 3 Words, 9 Letters?

A firm knock jolted Rafael out of his sleep, sending a quick thank you up to heaven for not waking Olivia up. Morning found them in a position that was no stranger to either of them; her cheek pillowed against the soft cotton over his pec, his arm slung around the back of her neck, holding her close. Their legs tangled together, her right leg caked between the two of his as her fingers laid over his heart where she fell asleep fiddling with the soft hairs on his chest.

He maneuvered several pillows into his place, knowing it would only buy him so much time before she realized it wasn’t him she was snuggled with. He slipped out of the bedroom without a sound, hoping to make it to the door before the person could knock again. He approached the door with his bedroom slippers, his sweats, and a plain white shirt, wondering if he was presentable enough to open the door.

With the shrug of his shoulders, Rafael swung the door open, just as the person went to knock again. He sat there clutching the handle of the front door.

“What are you doing here?” His question coming off more a harsh statement.

“I looked you up.” Stabler avoided his eyes.

“Isn’t that a grave misuse of power?” Rafael’s shoulders tensed, “How’d you even know—“ his voice trailed off. “If you’re here to plead for your friends’ badges you can forget about it. There’s one person in this entire world who can change my mind and she’s more set on it than I am.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you standing at my door at 9 o’clock on a Saturday morning, Detective...”

“Stabler.” Rafael’s eyebrows nearly reached his hairline.

“Oh, I know who you are, Stabler.”

“So you’ve heard of me?” He cleared his throat. “Good things I hope?”

“Barely.” His responses were curt and dry.

“I—um—“ Stabler began to crumble under his burning gaze. “How’s the hand?” He asks from pure nerves.

“How’s your face?”

“Touché.” He sighs.

“Can you get to what you’re really here for, Detective?”

“How’s Olivia?” Rafael sighed shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

“She’s finally asleep,” he relaxed his shoulders. “Probably not for much longer since I’m missing from bed, but she’s adjusting the best she can after the past couple of weeks she’s had."

“Sorry a—“

“Where were you?” Rafael fiddled with the handle to make sure he wasn’t locking himself out, before stepping outside his home, gently pulling the door closed behind him.

“Where was I, when?”

“When Olivia got her face bashed into a metal door.” Rafael stepped up to him, the one or two-inch height difference didn’t intimidate him, he’d taken him on once before and would do it again to defend _his_ Olivia.

“He almost made me, I had to lose him before he backed out and found another woman to prey on. We had to catch him in the act.” Stabler tried his hardest to explain himself.

“So, you risked her being hurt or murdered for a collar?” Rafael all but screamed, not wanting to alert the neighbors.

“I would never want Olivia to get hurt!” The fire returned to Stabler’s crystal clear blue eyes. And that’s when it set in.

“You love her.” Rafael instinctively straightened his back, puffed out his chest, and drew his shoulders back.

“I—“

“Well, I do, too. I love that woman in there more than anything I have ever loved before, so, I’m not going down without a fight.” Rafael licked his lips, probably resembling something similar to a Lion looking at his prey.

“I’m not here to cause any trouble, I’m just here to apologize.” Rafael can hear Olivia’s shuffling feet moving around, he steps back as her voice gets louder.

“Rafa? Babe, where are you?”

“Out here.” He calls out.

“Baby, what are you doing outsid—“ Olivia’s eyes widened. “Elliot, what are you doing here?”

“Detective Stabler is here to apologize.”

“Oh—he is?” She stands behind Rafael still in the doorway, feeling awkward in her attire—she was wearing one of Rafael’s cotton t-shirts that stopped about a mere three inches on her thigh, pajama shorts too tight and short they weren’t even noticeable, and her favorite pair of his fluffy socks. Olivia rested her chin over his shoulder, her arms circling around his waist in the most primal and protective ways, filling the burning desire she had to touch him.

“I’m sorry, Olivia. About the other night. I had no right to react that way or say the things that I did and not just that night, for the past year and a half. I know you can take care of yourself but my savior complex refuses to let me see you as anything other than a damsel in distress, even though you’re the strongest woman I know.” He breaks, “Rafael I am genuinely sorry for what happened to you, the way you were treated, the things that were said to you, the pain you endured. I had no right to put my hands on Olivia and if my wife or daughters or any woman I was with were put in the same position I’d have reacted the same way, maybe even worse. So I won’t be pressing charges.” He tried to gauge their reactions, “As for Ramekins and Hinkley, I can’t apologize on their behalf for their behavior, but I do know they were just trying to protect their brother in blue. Do with that what you may.”

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Rafael rubbing his thumb across her knuckles changed her mind.

“Olivia, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I miss us. The way we used to be. I miss you. And I hope we can find our way back to each other. You don’t have to answer now, tomorrow, or even next month, but I hope you know I mean it.” With that, he turned and walked away.

Rafael turned to see Olivia with burning tears brimming her eyes—his heart sunk.

“Olivia are you okay?” She blinked at him, entering the house wordlessly. “Liv, talk to me, please.” His eyes watered. “Do you—it’s okay—I understand.” His voice quivered.

“Rafa, what are you thinking?”

“That it’s okay if you love him. I get it I’m gross—I’m attracted to men and you probably think I’ll cheat on you.”

“No!” Olivia protested. “I don’t love him—I’m not in love with a man who just apologized to me for the first time in nine years! I’m in love with you, you big oaf!”

“You what?”

“I’m in love with you, Rafael Barba. Not Elliot Stabler, not anyone else, only you.Now more than ever.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest so closely she could feel his heart beating against her skin. “I don’t care what sex you’re attracted to, as long as you love me at the end of the night—none of that other stuff matters.”

“I—I’ve been trying to figure out the perfect way to tell you how much I love you, Olivia. So, so very much.” He stepped closer to her, “You’re a whirlwind, Olivia. I felt that the day I met you. I knew you were a force to be reckoned with from the moment I sat down and you uttered those first words to not me, but the bartender. My heart knew it needed you from then. I took the biggest risk of my life not taking your number— I never expected you to actually call me. For us to actually have a second date.” He pushed her bangs back to get a full look at her face, unfettered—uninterrupted. “But you did. You were as excited to see me as I was you—you never played any hard to get games. Just always authentically, you—Olivia Margret Benson—unapologetic, fierce, never one to water yourself down for anyone.”

“Rafa—“ he shook his head as the tears pooled in her eyes.

“I have to say this—I have to.” She nodded listlessly. “I knew I loved you from the first night we made love—two months into this. I knew I was head over shoes in love with you, irrevocably and earnestly, the night of our double date; I knew that losing you felt like the worst thing to ever happen to me—not even the failure of my marriage hurt more than the mere thought of not having you in my life.” She was full-on sobbing, unable to contain the overflowing emotions she’d kept compressed inside of her all these months. These emotions for the man standing in front of her. “You swooped into my life at a time I was just looking for a distraction and then you became my whole life—the moon and the stars, my entire night sky. You’re the sun that rises in the morning and sets at night.” He pauses to take a deep breath. “You didn’t only steal my heart, you waltzed in and swooped my abuelos off their feet, my best friend loves you for me, my mother finally sees what genuine happiness looks like on me. You are it for me, Olivia. The world felt like it was all crashing down yesterday, I thought I’d done it. Finally, messed it all up, waited too long to tell you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you not loving me the way I love you.”

“Rafa, I love you for you, every ounce of you—through and through. So if there’s a part of you that is attracted to men, that doesn’t change anything for me, I love him too.” Her voice shook with joyful tears, unable to truly verbalize her thoughts as she basked in the glow—lost in his light.

“I am in love with you. I am utterly, stupidly, inexhaustibly infatuated with you. And I am going to be sure to tell you that every day and sing it off of rooftops. You, Olivia Benson, are the love of my life.” Her lips impatiently crashed into his. She felt the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surging tide of warmth encapsulating every fiber of her being, leaving her limp in his arms. The rouge duress of swimming giddiness spun her wild, her head felt like it was going round and round, in an unabridged journey around the sun.

She loved him wholeheartedly, and she didn’t have to hide it, ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there y'all have it.  
> I originally planned to have this at the end of chapter 12: To Us? but that chapter got away from me and having this scene at the end felt too rushed. But how was the big expression of love? Underwhelming?


	18. Surprise?

“Hey, baby.” She tiptoed slightly to meet his lips.

“Mm,” he smiled into the kiss, his mind still hazy from court earlier, but everything right here, right now, made it all better. “I thought we were calling a truce on the anniversary stuff until we reached 1 year—seeing how tragic they’ve all been the last three times.”

“Oh, you’re still whisking me away to somewhere romantic and tropic. But, this isn’t for our anniversary, that was on Monday,” she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself into his front. “You thought I forgot your birthday?” She smirked.

“I forgot my birthday,” his eyes widened, fishing his phone out of his pocket, first noticing the date, then immediately after the dozens of missed calls and unanswered text messages. “Oh, my—“ Olivia snorted, “Liv.” She winked at the bouncer of the hookah jazz lounge, leading Rafael into the dark establishment.

“Just relax,” she could feel the tension thrumming from the ends of his fingertips. “Don’t you trust me?” She stops, his body collided with hers at the sudden lack of movement.

“With my life and then some.” He smirks as she wraps her arms around his middle.

“Good.” She smiled, pressing her nose into his shoulder.

“Happy Birthday!” A crowd jeers as the low lit indigo and fuchsia LEDs light the room. Tears immediately filled his eyes.

“Liv?” He looked down at her, her sparkling milk chocolate orbs oozed with love. “I—“ his words got lost in transition, the gaze they held was so heavy, he felt he’d be crushed under the weight of it all. It was laden with love, trust, appreciation, and so many other emotions he didn’t have the time to unpack right now. “You went through all this trouble? For me?” His tears now fighting its way over the barrier.

“No, trouble. Everything and anything for my man.” She pecked his nose.

“I love you.”

“Good, because I love you too.”

He couldn’t believe she’d done all of _this_ for him. Barba hadn’t had a birthday party since he was twelve or thirteen years old. Now here he was at thirty-four standing next to the woman he loved, who he’d known for less than a year—ten months and five days to be exact—and she’d thrown him a surprise party. He didn’t want to even allow his mind to run across _her_ at a time like this, but in their fourteen-year run, she’d barely even organized a dinner party in his honor. And now, his girlfriend, Olivia, _his_ Olivia had gone out of her way to track down his favorite primos, tias, and tios, got his abeulos to agree to be in a club after 7, rounded up his mother, Eddie, Rita, Fin, along with several of his friends, and coworkers (he had no idea how she contacted and willed them out for a measly 34th birthday party without his knowledge nor how she managed to book a hot Brooklyn lounge—how long had she been planning this?).

“How did I get so lucky?”

“It’s not luck, you have so many people in life that love you. And they’re here to show you just that.”

“While that may be true, I was referring to you.”

“Oh?”

“I completely lucked out in the girlfriend department, I have no idea what I’ve done in a past life to deserve you, but thank that poor aching soul.”

“Fourteen years patiently spent in hell, warrants you a life of bliss.”

“Hello, Bliss, I’m Rafael. I hope you know you aren’t going anywhere.”

“I didn’t plan on it.”

“Rafi!” Eddie’s world-famous smirk sat on his face. “You lucky son of a puta!” He clapped his shoulder.

“Mingle, have fun, catch me later, babe.” She kissed his lips chastely, before nodding at Eddie in greeting.

“I love you, thank you for this, all of it, really.” He kissed her temple.

“I love you too, you don’t have to thank me,” she smiles one last time before heading off towards a corner both occupied by Rita and Fin.

“Time to make our rounds so we can get you back to your chochete de amor.” Eddie slips his hand into Rafael’s back pocket.

“I always knew you had a thing for me, Eduardo.”

“I can’t let Olivia have all the fun, darling.” Rafael threw his head back in laughter, “Happy birthday, Papí.” This time it was Eddie’s turn to guffaw.

Rafael and Eddie spent their next hours catching up with their friends and Rafael’s family—Eddie hanging onto Raf’s arm like a proud trophy husband as Rafael all but praises Olivia to everyone who asks.

“I heard you have a new girlfriend?” The petite blonde placed her long scrawny fingers on his forearm free of his best friend’s intrusion. She batted her eyes, looking up at Rafael through her thickly coated eyelashes.

“New?” He cranes his neck to find Olivia cuddling with his abuela, with her head on Catí’s shoulder while joking around with Berto, Lucia, Fin, Rita, and his favorite cousin, Ezra. Just as Rafael’s gaze landed on Olivia, their eyes met, and instantly the same shit-eating grin took over both their faces.“I wouldn’t say new. We’ve been together a little over nine months, now.” He doesn’t break eye contact with Olivia, it’s almost as if he’s stuck in some sort of a trance.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, she’s absolutely amazing. The light of my life actually. I may love her more than life itself.” _May?_ He definitely did.

“Really? Didn’t you just get divorced?”

“Ten and a half months ago. Olivia helped me move on, mended my heart in a sense.” He blinked, moving his eyes over to the school friend inquiring about his personal and intimate life.

“That’s a lot of feelings for a rebound.” She cleared her throat.

“Not a rebound. Forever.” Eddie stifles a laugh at Rafael’s obliviousness. This was the third woman tonight who’d put themselves out there—ready and willing to throw themselves at his feet, but he is so in love he barely notices them _._ “I’m sorry, there’s somewhere I should be. It was good catching up with you Lauren.” He shoots her an appreciative smile, untangling himself with Eddie.

“Don’t take offense. He just really loves her. Has eyes for no one else.” Eddie apologizes before he turns away jogging to catch Rafael who was hurtling towards Olivia like he had a fire lit under his ass.

“Hi.” Rafael approaches the booth.

“Hi.” Olivia sits up straighter, sliding over to make room for him, the whole booth shuffles around so the couple is positioned at the center base of the U shaped table.

He cups her cheek, pulling her in for a soft and sweet kiss. Resting his forehead on her own he breaks to catch his breath before placing his lips on hers again, pouring out all his love and gratitude onto her mouth.

“Oye Chico!” Ezra calls out. “Have some respect! There are adults at the table.” Rafael rolled his eyes pulling away. “We were having a great conversation over here until you came and lip attacked the missus.”

“Ez, the last time I checked it was my birthday and usually that warrants at least a brief conversation with me, not my girl.” He smirks.

“Eh, I’ve known you my whole life, this pretty lady now, she’s news to me.” He chuckled.

“Trying to steal my woman on my birthday? That’s low even for you Ezra.”

“Eh, she was barely payin’ me no mind.” He joked wholeheartedly to his favorite cousin.

“Our Rafi here ain’t no better.” Eddie offers.

“Whatchu mean by that?” Fin takes the bait.

“He’s so whipped for Livy love over here, he ain’t even notice the women flirting with him. Practically throwing themselves at him.”

“Yeah, he betta have tunnel vision.” Fin laughed, looking at how disgustingly in love his best friend and her boyfriend were with each other.

“The last girl tried, hard, but Rafi here was too busy making googly eyes at Olivia the whole time to even notice.”

“Lauren wasn’t trying to flirt with me.” Rafael clarified.

“Lauren has always had a soft spot for you,” Lucia adds.

“She broke up with me,” he reminded everyone.

“Only because you were moving to Boston to go to Harvard.” Lucia shoots him a questionable look.

“Hm.” Was all that left his mouth. “Doesn’t matter now, that was 15 years ago. I have everything I need now.” He wraps his arms around Olivia’s waist.

“Oh, he’s so sweet on her.” Catí smiles over at the couple.

“He’s past sweet, mi niño is a puddle at her feet.” Berto corrects.

“Is this a roast session or a birthday celebration?”

“I’m always down for a good Raf roast.” Rita chimed in with a smirk.

The conversation at the table is lively and informative, Ezra taking the chance to learn about Olivia Benson and vice versa— getting time to know each other meant having a clear more wholistic understanding of Rafael.

“Liv, want to do a round with me?” He lightly taps her shoulders, interrupting the easy flow of conversation. His eyes apologize to Ezra who takes no offense to the gesture.

“Sure, honey.” She smiles, intertwining their fingers. “We should probably do that before the cake comes out.”

“You got me a cake?” His face breaks out into a wider grin.

“Of course I did,” she pecked his cheek. “Now, let’s go before I change my mind.” She quips, sliding out of the booth pulling him behind her. He smirks as she shivers, sliding off his black coat. He lovingly slips it onto her shoulders before he grabs her rump for good measure. A gasp quickly leaves her lips but the slow-burning in the pit of her stomach remains as he moves his arm under the coat and wrapped it around her waist.

Meeting his extended family, coworkers, and childhood friends filled Olivia with a warm bubbly feeling. She felt like she belonged somewhere—that somewhere was next to Rafael Barba. He made her feel welcomed and never out of place no matter who he was introducing her to. He spoke of her so highly, as if she was some great and all-powerful deity—she could feel his love in every word he spoke. She has never felt this loved before, by anyone, _ever_. His tias, tios, and primos adored her. His coworkers wanted to trade her for him. His childhood friends were amazed by her, completely gobsmacked at them as a unit—never expecting little Rafi from Jerome Avenue to be this happy and in love.

“Liv, do you mind if I steal mi nieto for un minuto?”

“Of course not abuela!” She smiled at Catí knowingly. “Besides, I have him for the rest of my life, a few minutes won’t hurt.”

“You know the emergency word,” he eyed her.

“Butterfinger.” She pecked his lips, “Now go!” She shooed him away, feeling a burning gaze and an unbecoming presence approaching her.

“Hi!” The overly perky tone lowered Olivia’s patience by at least 30%. “I’m Brianne, I don’t recognize you from anywhere are you one of Rafael’s coworkers?”

“No,” she smirked, shaking her head quirkily.

“I’m Clarice, I went to college with Rafael.” She extended her hand, Olivia hesitantly shook it. Before the third girl could speak, Olivia stared at her knowingly, just waiting for her to introduce herself.

“I’m Lauren. I was Rafael’s Lab partner in high school and his first girlfriend.” She added matter of factly. 

“I’m Olivia. Rafael’s girlfriend.” She smiled. “Now.” She added to combat Lauren’s matter of fact tone. “You know, as in present tense.”

“Oh, you’re the Yelina, rebound? Ouch.” Lauren chuckled.

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable in that spot.” Brianne grimaced. “You know what they say about rebounds.”

“No, I don’t. Enlighten me.” Olivia feigned ignorance, as she stared at the trio blankly.

“They never workout,” Clarice whispered. Olivia pinched her nose bridge, at 35 she didn’t have the patience to play school girl games with three adult women over a man that already belonged to her.

“You were his first girlfriend, Yelina was his first wife, y’all two were what? His first threesome?” She is oddly calm in this situation, not an ounce of insecurity dwells in her mind about her love for Rafael or his feelings for her in return. “I hope you know none of that threatens me.” She winked.

“I was his first love, you don’t get over that so easily.” Lauren puffed out her chest instinctively.

“You’re what 33? 34? I don’t play childish games with little girls. It’s been 15 years. Rafael is _mine_ and I don’t worry about his firsts or his sloppy seconds. I’m the last. So don’t forget that.” She stepped closer to the women, her intimidating gaze countered by her comforting smile sent chills down their spines. “I’m the first where it matters—the first thing he sees when he wakes up in the morning; the first person he thinks to call regardless of his mood or state of emergency; his first thought in the morning; but I’m also the last person he sees before he goes to bed, the last person he’ll ever fall in love with, the last woman’s body he’ll ever have to learn, his last love until I give him children. I can go on but I think you get the picture.”

“You think you’re that important to him?”

“Oh, you wait and see.” Olivia glances over her shoulder searching the room for Rafael, she finally spots him, only to find that his eyes were lingering in her direction just waiting for her browns to meet his greens, she bit the tip of her tongue, crinkling her nose in a full toothed grin. He quickly excused himself making his way over to his girlfriend.

“Hi.” He cupped the side of her face with his left hand, pulling her closer with his right hand on her ass as he kissed her senseless. “Oh, sorry ladies,” he blushed profusely. “I didn’t even see you all there.” He scratches the back of his neck. “You guys have probably already done the introductions but, this is my wonderful girlfriend, Olivia. Olivia this is Lauren, Brianne, and Clarice.”

“Oh, we’re pretty well acquainted.” Olivia’s voice oozed sarcasm and topped with a sense of victory as an undertone, as she wrapped her arms around Rafael possessively.

“Cake time!” Eddie swooped in just in time to deliberately break up a catfight—he knew in fact Olivia would win.

* * *

After the second round of greetings, were made with Olivia by his side, happy birthday was sung by all his loved ones, pictures were taken, the cake was dished out, and Olivia Benson being the playful woman she is whenever she is around Rafael dips her fingers into his plate, scooping the excess icing off the side and onto her pointer and middle fingers, swiping the silver goop from the edge of his brow line to the center of his mouth. He simply parts his lips taking in the impending digits against his tongue, clamping down. He gets that look in his eyes, the one he always has when he gets so lost and wrapped up in Olivia during sex. His green embers darken—his pupils blown wide, barely any green noticeable in his orbs. Rafael begins to suck on her fingers with purpose—she is at a loss for words, the pool of wetness between her legs speaks volumes. He releases her fingers from his mouth, her eyes shot open, impatiently needing for his lips to surround her clit in that manner.

Rafael chuckles darkly before mocking her actions, scooping a thick layer of the white icing onto his index, middle, and ring fingers, bringing his fingers to his mouth, licking the icing slightly before wedging them between her lips. Her tongue laps his fingers, sucking them clean of the sugary treat. His other hand slips under her dress, to find the material of her panties soaked through. Sliding his nubs out of her mouth he begins to rub against her center without regard for their surroundings.

“Rafa—“ she gasps. He kisses her, to silence her impending moans.

“Raise up a bit,” he orders, she mindlessly raised her hip as he rolled her lace underwear down her hips and legs, tucking them into his pocket. “Spread ‘em for me?” She did as she was told, exposing herself to the world if they’d cared to look that deeply under the table.

“Rafa...” she groaned as he used his fingers she’d prepped for him to roam the damned area.

“Mm, you’re so wet, my love. That for me?” She nodded wordlessly.“I want to hear you say it.”

“Yuh—yes, Rafa. All for you.” He decided in that moment to plunge his fingers into her heat. A whimper left her mouth, her eyes rolling to the back of her head.

“Mirame.” He demanded and her eyes flew open at the tone of his voice.

“Hey Liv,” Olivia jumped, straightening her back automatically. Fin and Rita scooted into the booth, seated directly across from the couple.

“Hey, Fin.” Her voice shook as Rafael went to slip his fingers out of her. Her hands quickly flying to where they were joined and held his hand in place. There was no way she was going to be able to walk out of this lounge if he didn’t make her cum.

Rafael eyed her whimsically, as she began to grind her hips against his hand for a taste of the sweet friction she’d been craving. He curled his fingers, grazing her spot causing her to shudder. She was so turned on and worked up, it wouldn’t take much to work her over.

"How ya likin' ya surprise party so far?" Fin directed at a smirking Rafael.

"I'm loving every second of it," His smirk is so earnest Fin and Rita have no idea of the deluded pleasure he is getting from Olivia's suffering, "I just can't believe there's someone who loves me enough in this world to go through all this trouble for me," Olivia squirms desperately against his unmoving hand.

"I can't believe there's anyone who loves you at all." Rita teases as Olivia's erratic breathing picks up.

“You said sumn, Liv?” Fin’s eyes travel from his cake to her contorted face, she shakes her head. “You good?” She nodded not really trusting her voice at the moment.

Rafael began to move in slow motion to avoid the obvious slushing sound made by her wetness. She bit down on her lip, she wanted to ride his hand, she needed him to push her over the edge, she clamped her eyes shut as he entered her painstakingly slow, using his thumb to stimulate her ball of nerves. She nearly cried, the building orgasm was nearly too much. His fingers they felt so good inside of her—warm and thrumming, she felt so full and tingly. But the pace and the pressure weren’t enough to get her there.

“Olivia?” Rita called for her attention, with her breath caught and her eyes unopened, she craned her neck opening her eyes wearily.

“Hmm?”

“You’re drawing blood.” Rita pointed out. Olivia gripped his wrist, holding it in place so she could find her voice again.

“Oh—think you can get me one of those antibacterial towelettes from the supply closet down the hall?”

“Of course,” Rita smiled politely, Fin following his girlfriend down the dimly lit hallway.

“Rafa, please—please while they’re gone.”

“What do you want, baby?” He mutters against her sweaty skin.

“Make me cum, please.” She begs. He begins to slam into her with his fingers, curling them perfectly insides her, grazing her g-spot and fondling her clit. More than anything he wishes it was his tongue lapping her clit and not his thumb, but this would have to do for now. It only takes a few more thrusts of his fingers before she becomes undone, her walls clamping down tightly around him, her body shuddering, chest heaving as she fights to catch her breath. “Shit, Rafa,” she cries out, “I love you so much!” He finger fucks her through her orgasm, only slowing down when she begins to convulse and grab at his wrist.

“You’re so beautiful when you cum.” He smirks.

“Rafa.”

“Liv?”

“I need you to take me home and fuck me.” His eyes widen. “Make love to me, Rafa until I can’t speak anymore.” He swallows thickly.

* * *

The couple felt so hot and bothered they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, after a night of subtle touches and teasing—they both felt like they were on the brink. Rafael slammed Olivia against his front door as she fishes his keys out of his pocket, he gropes her breast, she moans a deep throaty vibration into his mouth as he sticks the keys into the lock. The door flys open and she stumbles in pulling him with her as he kicks the door shut, locking it without moving his head. They blindly make their way down the dark hallway toward the couch in the living room.

Before he knows it she’s fighting to get his leather jacket off and his hands are so far up her dress it rides up to just above the curve of her ass as his hands grip the plump meat of her buttocks.

“Ahem,” voice catches them off guard, nearly scaring Rafael out of his pants.

“Who the hell are you?” Olivia seethes, pushing Rafael behind her as he rolls the bunched up teal material of her dress back down into place.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she stood to her feet with an accusatory twinge in her voice.

“I’m only going to ask this one more time, who the _hell_ are _you_ and how the _fuck_ did you get in here?” Olivia’s eyes deepened from that mesmerizing honey brown to a dark eerie brown looking reminiscent of midnight black.

“With the keys since I’m his wife!” Yelina announced proudly as if this was to come as a surprise to Olivia.

Olivia whips around, her eyes blown wide at Rafael, “This is—“ he nods immediately, “You better fucking—“ she turns her body to lunge at the unexpecting girl but Rafael places a steadying arm around her waist, “Barba, let me go!

“Liv, no! This isn’t Manhattan, you are not a police officer here—“

“More reason for you to let me at her!” She squints her eyes at him, warningly. He applies pressure around her waist, his fingers rubbing calming circles into her side, she struggles to regulate her breathing. “She has access to your home!?” Olivia’s anger levels begin to simmer, not completely but she isn’t only seeing red anymore.

“No—well, yes? She was the relator,” his face reflected the discomfort he felt by her presence.

“I—you—just—but—sell it!” Her jumbled up thoughts coming out all at once.

“And go where Olivia?”

 _‘With me!’_ Danced at the end of her tongue, but she suppressed the urge. “I don’t feel comfortable knowing that she can come in and out of here as she pleases.”

“Rafi, baby—“

“Don’t call him—me—that!” The couple spoke simultaneously.

“You don’t get to waltz back in my life after you spent what—eleven months? Almost a god damn year fucking some random scuba instructor off the shore of Bora Bora. Did you think I’d spend the rest of my life waiting around for you? For what? So you can cheat on me _again_?”

“So that’s it? You’re just throwing us away? After 14 years? For some cheap quick fuck—“

“Don’t you fucking dare, Olivia is my girlfriend, the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, marry—“

“Marry?” Olivia squeaks out of shock.

“You think this is the most opportune time to argue titles or plans?” Olivia threw her arms up in surrender, as she’d never seen him this out of sorts.

“Rafi, hear me out—“

“I’m tired of hearing you out. Get the hell out of my house.”

“Can I at least get the rest of my stuff out of our—“

“— _Our_ room _._ ” Olivia clarified.

“I had all your shit packed up and dropped off at your mom’s place. I expected you to turn up there.”

“I saw—“

“All the clothes you see in there are Olivia’s. The throw pillows have been destroyed so don’t come back looking for them.” Olivia’s arms were smugly crossed, as the look of satisfaction rested her face.

“I never would’ve thought you’d move on this fast...” She sounds genuinely hurt. He offered her no reply. “If you two are living together already?”

“It’s nearly been a year.” Was all he offered.

“If there’s any chance, Rafi, any chance at all that you still love me—even if it’s just a smidgen or a glimmer. Please give me the chance to show you what we could have together, I’d be an amazing wife and not just some girlfriend that’s unsure if I want a future with you, Rafi. I know what I want—“

“I think he asked you to leave,” Olivia stepped in front of Rafael once and for all. “I was there when you broke his heart to smithereens, I’m the one who stuck around and helped him put himself back together, I’m the one who has loved him every single day for the last nine months while you were figuring out your shit. Here’s a wake-up call, honey. The world doesn’t revolve around you. You don’t get to promise yourself and your life to another person if you’re unsure and need to work through some demons and then expect them to be at your beck and call after. He’s a human being who has feelings and makes his own decisions. He moved on. He loves me now. So save yourself a bit of respect and just go.” Olivia’s stance read like a mother who was ready to pounce to defend her cub.

“I—“ Rafa rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Yelina’s posture deflated as she went for her bag and personal belongings. Olivia showed her the way out, slamming the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny enough, (the end of) this is one of the first things I wrote for this fic, which some of y'all called was gonna happen during the course of this story. But the rest of this came to me this morning (I'd been considering where to take the beginning of this chapter for a while) and since it's Peter Hermann's birthday I thought why not. 
> 
> primos = cousins  
> tias = aunts  
> tios =uncles  
> puta = bitch


	19. Calamity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter. Chapter 20 has been started since June and is probably about 85% complete, this chapter in particular took me a while because I simply didn't want to write it. Doesn't flow well with chapter 18 but oh well. here it is!

It’d been a long week, and what felt like an even longer night, all Olivia wanted to do was curl herself into Rafael’s side and sleep the dramatic events of the night away. "I'm tired, sweetheart, let's go to sleep." Olivia squirmed trying to get comfortable with her boyfriend, resting her cheek against his stiff bicep. “Rafa?” He remained unwavering and unmoved, his body felt rigid and cold next to her. “Rafael?” She placed her palm against his beating heart. He was unresponsive to her touch and her voice. “Hey, what's going on? Are you okay babe?” He finally blinked, returning to this dimension, the worry slightly fluttering from her eyes.

“Oh—um, yeah.” He clears his throat, “Everything is okay, is fine.” His face was unsettled, disgruntled even.

“You’re thinking about her.” The soft features of her face fell, the whimsy browns soon replaced by harsh shades of dark brown.

“Liv—“

“You’re thinking of her, while in bed with me.” Her expression was steel, she pushed the anger to the surface to mask the unnerving pain bubbling inside of her.

“I’m thinking about you an—“

“Don’t tell me you’re comparing me to your ex that cheated on you?”

“You know it’s not like that, Liv!” His entire body tensed.

“You’re making another one of your pros and cons lists.” She scoffed, running her tongue on the outskirts of her bottom lip, taking purchase on the left side, worrying them between her teeth.

“It’s not like that, Liv.” He ran his fingers through his already disheveled locks.

“Then what’s it like, Rafael?” She sits up, her back suddenly erect, arms folded across her chest, eyes boring holes through the side of his head. He blinked at the icy nature of her tone. “She’s ready to offer you the world again, is that it? Everything is suddenly fine? Just pick up where you left off because she’s ready to be a wife now?” Olivia scoffed, tears of rage and immense hurt cloud her usually soft browns. “I’m the bad guy because I am not as sure or set on marriage as you are. That’s it right? You’re willing to toss me and everything we have together away for some snaggletoothed bitch who fucked the first appendage she laid her eyes on.”

“She doesn’t have a snaggletooth—“

“And you think this is the fucking time?”

“Olivia—“

“No, fuck you!”

“Will you just listen and stop letting your anger get the best of you?” He sighed deeply, she chewed her bottom lip quelling her anger to settle and not bubble over again. “You know I would _never_ do a damn thing to hurt you.”

“Then what is it, Rafa?” The hurt evident in her tone felt like stab directly to his chest. “Why am I not en—“ she looks away from him.

“Don’t you dare finish that statement.” He pulled her chin in between his thumb and pointer fingers, softly caressing the supple skin underneath them.

“Why are you considering going back to her after she broke your heart?” She barley spoke above a whisper.

“I am not, Olivia. That never even crossed my mind.”

“But you’re second guessing your relationship with me?” He sighs, it wasn’t true but she wasn’t wrong either.

“Look, Liv... all night you kept talking about _forever_ —then I bring up marriage and the tune changed. What is it that you want? Do you want me? But for how long? Because I surely want you, _forever_ , but I’ve never seen someone more afraid to commit to something they claim they want.” Rafael explains plainly.

“Of course I want you. How could you think I don’t? It’s just not that easy for me, Rafa...”

“And why not?” He turns toward her. “Will you open up to me, earnestly, for the first time in this untitled exclusive situationship? Where is the going? Is it still going? Do you want this as much as I want you? Why do you have such a hard time admitting that you want _this? Us? Me_?”

“You want a family Rafa,” she obviously is beating around the bush, “You want a wife two kids, a dog, and Yelina can give you that without fucking it up!” She shifts away from him.

“A family? Olivia, what are you talking about? I want you!” He exasperates. “Do I want to start a family someday? Yeah! But that’s years from now. How could you fuck it up? Do you not want a family?” His eyes soften at the thought, he’d give up his romanticized idea of a family in a heartbeat for Olivia—if she asked him too, if she didn’t want one, if life just didn’t work out that way—he’d be okay as long as he has Olivia by his side. “

“I don’t know the first thing about a family! My mom was a drunk and I made her that way.” She blurted, immediate regret engulfed her.

“Liv, what?” Rafael’s confusion trumped any anger or discomfort thrashing about the room.

“My mother was raped while walking home from her job in the cafeteria as a student at Hudson University, and I was conceived through that violent act.” 

“Oh—Olivia I didn’t know—“

“I ruined her, Rafa. My mom had her entire life planned out, she was committed to a single life path and when the universe threw a wrench in her plans she went off the rails. She couldn’t cope. So I’m sorry that I’m too afraid of commitment and I don’t have shit figured out at 35. But I refuse to be my mother—life can’t fuck up my plans if I don’t have any.”

“Olivia I didn’t mean to stir up any bad feelings. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to view me like that.” She shrugged lamely. “I finally found a really good guy, I thought if I kept that bit to myself we’d be fine, he wouldn’t see my damage and run. But I fucked this up anyway.” She began to pace the floor.

“Liv...” Rafael Barba was tongue tied. Speechless. His heart felt as if it’d just had an aneurysm.

“I’ll make the decision easy for you.” She read his silence as volatility. “Pick her.” She whispered, as her mindless pacing came to a halt. “She’s your wife. What are our nine months compared to your fourteen years, anyway?” Olivia chuckled bitterly, turning away.

“Olivia, don’t walk away from us!”

“No, Rafa.” She collected her most important items—phone, purse, shoes, and coat.

“I love you, Olivia.” His eyes pled for her to stay, sleep it off, discuss it in the morning.

 _He'd do anything to get her to stay._

“And I love you, more than anything” she met his eyes for a seldom moment. The gaze they held felt like calamity—the end, it felt so final. Her eyes reflected affliction his eyes beheld deviation and regret. “I can’t be what you need. I’m a monster, always have been, always will be. I destroy every good thing that comes in my path. I won’t sit back and watch you unravel too.”

_ But she was determined to leave.  _


	20. “Deal.”

The air in the room felt stagnant, Rafael barely knew how long it’d been since Olivia walked through his front door. With his heart in his hands and his ass planted on the couch, he couldn’t do anything but stare at the spot next to him, which was usually occupied by the love of his life. Her state of undress habitually meant the skin of her thighs pressed against his, their fingers intertwined, or her sweet-smelling coconut and hibiscus hair tucked under his chin. The cold air rushing over his boxer clad thighs, the gaps between his fingers, the valley between his chin and his chest—everything felt hollow.

“Rafi...the door was open!” Eddie announces his entrance, not having to use his key, to let himself in. “Oye, mierda! What the fuck did you do?”

“I don’t—I don’t know.” He shook his head fighting off the tears building in his eyes.

“You broke up with, Olivia?” Eddie tried to rationalize the statement.

“I—“

“Rafael Eduardo.” He scolded lightly.

“Eddie.” He was speechless.

“I’ve never seen you love someone more than you love that woman you just let walk out of your life.” He plopped down on the couch next to his distraught best friend. The spot on the couch Rafael’s eyes had been burning a hole into for the last day and a half. His heart crumbled and landed at his feet, the intense burning of tears seared at the back of his eyes.

“How can I live without her?” A single tear cascaded down his reddening cheeks. “I feel like I—I can’t breathe. My chest is tight! Eddie!” His face physically deflated, his posture reflected his mood—he was caving into himself. Eddie wrapped his arms around his best friend.

“Rafi...” Eddie held him up, he had never seen his best friend this torn apart before—not even when his _wife_ cheated on him and destroyed everything they had built in their fourteen years together. “Are you okay? I’ve never—“

“No.” His lips trembled. “I didn’t tell her to stay,” his sobs shook his chest, unable to catch his breath, “I want Olivia, I want Olivia!” He cried out. 

“Shh, shhh, shhh...” Eddie pulled his best friend into his arms, soothing his hiccups and sobs, with a hushed tone and a calm hand running up and down his back. “We’re gonna fix this, don’t worry.”

Rafael’s failed attempt to normalize his breathing flared his anxiety, his panicked eyes flashed over to Eddie, patiently waiting for him to crack some inappropriate joke to lighten the mood, but instead, he was met with steady brown eyes drowning in worry and contemplation.

* * *

“Mornin’ Liv!” Fin’s beaming grin only added to the grief accumulating in her chest, she simply offered him a head nod in response. “Liv?” She slowed down not turning to meet his eyes. “You lookin’ a lil thin, is everythin’ okay?”

Olivia had been off yesterday, locked away alone in the solitude of her own apartment; no food, no drinks, no phone calls no texts—not even from Rafael. She shrugged lamely in response. Fin sighed, tightening his hold on the bottle of water in his left hand, he gripped Olivia by her bicep with his right, leading her into the file room, locking the door behind him.

“We ain’t walkin’ out this room until you tell me what’s up!” She peered deeply into his eyes before breaking down into a puddle of tears and sobs in his arms.

“I ruined it.” Uncontrollable sobs wracked her body. “Jus—sst li—ike I—I alway—ss do.” Fin took two large steps, closing the gap between him and his best friend. “I hav’ no—one in m-my life, and now I—I don’t hav’ him eith—er because I let my anger and—and irrational fears lead the way.” She dug her fingers into his back. “He gave me family—support—love like I’ve never known.” She sobbed into her best friend’s shoulder. “And what did I do in return? I broke his heart.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“More than anything, Fin.”

“Then what ya runnin’ from?” Her silence is overwhelming, “Olivia.” He sternly reminds her, pulling away from the hug, as she calms down.

“Everything, Fin. I’m in love with him! I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone this much in my life, especially not to this extent, not even my own mother. He was more than just a lover or fling —he was my rock, my cuddle buddy, my rational thought, my confidant! I could tell him _anything_ Fin and he’d still be there after I was done. He never left me. But I was so afraid—so I left this time.”

“It’s a different kind of love, Olivia—“

“And that’s terrifying! It’s figuring me out faster than I can figure it out. And I hate that. I hate that he’s come into my life and suddenly I want to make decisions and be in control of my future and not let life run it’s course because I’m afraid it’ll take him away from me!”

“But, Liv... _you_ broke up with him.”

“Because...”

“Because what?”

“Because It’s only been nine months and I know, my heart knows, every bone in my body knows we want to spend the rest of our life with him but I still get squeamish anytime someone other than himself even remotely refers to me as his girlfriend! But that’s what I am! So why am I so afraid of that? Why does it light a fire under my ass and it makes me want to run before he can leave me for her even though I know he wouldn’t?”

“Is there something you aren’t telling me?” The silence thickened as Olivia contemplated her words carefully.

“Two nights ago after we came back from the birthday party I threw him we went back to his place—things were...”

“Mm, l get it, don’t feel the need to explain anything furtha.”

“We were headed for the couch when... his ex was sitting on it waiting for us—more waiting for him and she was caught by surprise when she saw me there...all over him.”

“I get it! I get it! Don’t need those images of my best friend floatin’ ‘round in my mind.” He rolled his eyes.

“She practically dismissed me and he told her I’m the woman he’s gonna marry. And I—I froze and panicked and the only thing I could say was, ‘Marry?’ It just—it felt so definite in that moment and...”

“And?”

“and I’m worried that he’s not ready to be stuck with someone for the rest of his life after it blew up in his face the last time. I don’t wanna be just his rebound.“

“I’m so confused, Liv. So you want to be with him—without a title as long as you aren’t the rebound and y’all are together forever?” she wanted to tell him that maybe Rafael should test the other fish in the sea because she feared the type of commitment desired with her boyfriend would result in him catching the seven-year itch.

“Feels like any decision I’d make would destroy me. I don’t know how to live without loving Rafael anymore. But the thought of him being unhappy with me burdens my heart more than the idea of living without him.”

“So you know you love him? Baseline.” She nods. “The Olivia Benson I know would throw caution to the wind.”

“The Olivia Benson you know is anti-love and runs away from every decent man who approaches her.”

“Why didn’t you run this time?”

“I was captivated by him, like a moth to a flame, from the very first moment he spoke—even when we went on some deranged rant about communal snacks are parallel to drinking another man’s urine.”

“Okay?”

“Fin, I fucked up didn’t I?” She dropped her head into her hands, “I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” A silent sob rocked through her.

“Olivia... go find him. It’s been about two days since you ended things? Go fix this.” He squeezed her shoulder as she grabbed her coat and the rest of her belongings. “I’ll cover for ya, don’t worry.” She nodded, stepping out of the squad room hesitantly, she felt her knees buckling under the weight of her body.

Olivia felt anticipation and anxiety swirling around from her fingertips, to the depths of her belly, all the way down to the soles of her feet. Her mind filled with worry and apprehension.

Olivia can’t find the patience to wait for the elevator as she rushes toward the staircase, taking them two at a time. Doubt starts to fill her mind. Was this it for them? Would he even take her back after she so carelessly broke his heart? Over a much-needed conversation? Did she even deserve him? There was a twinge of hesitancy in her step as the cold Manhattan air slapped her in the face.

Maybe it was her delusions. Maybe it was a mirage but he was standing right there—right in front of her. She could reach out and touch him as if he knew she’d be coming after him. 

“Ra-Rafa?”

“I’ve never been more uncomfortable, embarrassed, out of my comfort zone, and physically sick in my life, yet somehow I have never felt more like myself since the day I met you, Olivia.” She is rendered speechless. “I refuse to go a single day without you in my life, ever again.”

“I’m afraid, Raf.” She steps closer to him, “I’m afraid that my stubborn ass is not going to marry you for your peace of mind, Rafael.”

“Who said anything about getting married, right now Olivia? I just want to take you to dinner tonight, and every night following that as long as you allow me.”

“Rafael, my career is too risky for you, I’m not the stability you’re looking for, and that’s alright. You’re the type of man who won’t eat peanuts at a bar because they’re filthy and covered with other men’s urine, and I’m the type of gal who doesn’t think twice about those kinds of things. You have a place for everything and everything is in its place and I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached to my body. And that’s perfectly fine.” She voiced her concerns, “But what I can’t deal with is you sticking through this and one day up and fleeing because you feel trapped! Or you’re silently unhappy, and you grow to resent me.” She didn’t know how to live without loving Rafael, she didn’t think so far ahead to ever consider she would have to. But the thought of him being unhappy pained her so thoroughly, she loved him so much she’d carve her heart out and hand it to him, she’d rather live life in complete misery without him by her side, then to allow him to be unhappy for even a single moment.

“What do I have to do? What do I have to do to prove myself to you?” Rafael looks over his shoulder as he hears the nut vendor coming down the street, he quickly turns taking large steps toward the rolling steel cart, pulling his wallet out of his pocket, pushing a $20 bill in his hands.

“Raf, what are you doing?” Olivia calls out. He shoves his hand into the open peanuts in the cart, shoveling a handful into his mouth, “Raf, those aren’t _dirty_ ,” she rolls her eyes.

His shoulders tense, as he grabs more peanuts stepping toward the older vendor whose outward appearance looks borderline homeless— with his hand still outstretched, the $20 bill still resting in his palm firmly, Rafael drops the assorted nuts into his palm falling against the used and tattered bill and the graying material of the vendor’s fingerless gloves, he places his other hand on top, shaking the nuts around, before pulling them back into his grasp.

“Olivia,” he says stepping toward her catching several cashews in his mouth with each step, “I’ve learned more about myself in the past nine months with you than I have with any other woman or even growing by myself. And I won’t allow someone who cheated on me two days into our honeymoon get in the way of that by planting doubts in your head.” He bent down on one knee.

She shakes her head, as her heart beats in her chest. He releases the remaining nuts in his hand from his grasp, they watch them fall to the floor, he picks one up, throwing it into the air, catching it on his tongue just as she taught him how to do so. “Raf!” She gasps. He shrugs his shoulders, as he picks up another almond between his thumb and pointer finger, his eyes travel from her to the wet muggy gravel below him, he rubs the nut against the earth beneath him so harshly the almond begins to deteriorate, leaving discoloration on the black tar.

“I love you, Olivia Benson, and I don’t care if we have to remain two friends who are exclusively hanging out until the day I die, but I want it. If you want to refer to me as your non-platonic fuck buddy-live in sex doll-life partner to whom you share mutual love with but keep things unlabeled and uncomplicated. I’ll take it. I want it with you, and no one else. I want to wake up next to you in the morning and make your disgusting coffee just the way you like it and some mornings switch out your blend for some authentic rich Cuban goodness. I want to remind you where things are every second of every day. I want to hide your keys and the tracker when you’re mad at me so you’re forced to talk to me just so I’ll tell you where they are. I want it all with you—The instability, the surprises, lecturing you until I’m blue in the face, the just figuring it out.” Tears spring to her eyes as he brings the half-shaved almond up to his lips, she reaches for his wrist pulling him up.

“Raf, you don’t have to—“ Before she could finish her sentence the snack was between his teeth as he quickly chewed and swallowed, without a second thought.

He pulled her into a firm placating kiss filled with passion and sincerity.

“So what do you say? Dinner tonight and a standing date for every day after?” He peers into her yearning brown eyes.

“As long as I get to pick the place,” she chuckles, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Deal.” His lips find hers again in a parting open mouth kiss. “Move in with me.” He mumbles against her lips, deepening the kiss. Olivia pulls away regretfully.

“Move in with you?” She whispers in astonishment.

“I’ve spent the last two days without you, Olivia. I don’t want to go another night without having you next to me, knowing the only place I belong is next to you. You are all that is good, pure, and light in my life—I’d never felt more desolate and heavy until I was without you. I’ll quit my job or transfer to any Burrough you want me to. Olivia, I will do everything in my power—“

“Yes.”

“—to prove to you that this isn’t the wrong decision—“

“Rafa.”

“—I’ll sell my house—“

“I said yes.”

“We can cram into your tiny apartmen—wait you said yes?” His eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

“I love you more than you can ever imagine. Sometimes I talk myself out of things that are really good for me, I’ve done that too many times with you. I won’t lose you again. Let’s move in together. Get married. Start a family. I’m tired of letting my fears guide the way. I know, my heart is sure, and my brain agrees on the same thing—we want you. Everything else is a byproduct and I want it all as long as it’s with you.”

“Do you really mean that, Liv?” Tears spring to his eyes, as they break through the barrier.

“Yes, a million times yes.” She thumbs the tears from his cheeks. “That doesn’t mean you plop down on one knee at the first given chance, but when the time is right—it’ll be yes. Always yes.” She curled her head into the crook of his neck as the deepening swirls of greens intensified, so heavily laden with love,she couldn’t bear to look into them. She recognized the vulnerability, the hope, the desperation, but most importantly she thought about how much love lied there between them— it was so pregnable, so very empowering, it was more than she could ever imagine she’d experience, and somehow it was all hers. Nearly impossible for her to believe that this was real, but she felt the fire in the depth of her bones and coursing through her veins.

The love was real.

The realist thing she’d ever experienced.

And that was all that mattered.

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all 
> 
> School and work have been blocking me from finishing this fic, it's my graduating semester and I have so many final papers, a short film to create, a 10-minute public health PSA project/video to do, plus final exams, and I only have 1.5 months left- it's so nerve-wracking but I like to write when I have free time (if I have any free time) to decompress. 
> 
> Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this (: please do leave feedback/kudos! Let me know what you want to see n the final chapter which is the epilogue (hopefully it'll mesh well with what I already have written)!


	21. And Along Came Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years, one month, and three weels later...

“Ninja?”

“Oh, fuck me.” Rafael rolled his eyes, how on God’s green earth did he find them? At a completely different hotel? On the opposite side of the island?

“You remember me? Claude! From the scuba.”

“How could I ever forget you, Claude? You fucked my wife of 36 hours and single-handedly destroyed a 14-year relationship.”

“I am sad to say, Lina broke my heart she say the scuba was not enough for her and she need stability and not constant excitement and thrill—who don’t love thrill of deep-sea diving without oxygen tank?” Rafael stares blankly at Claude, “She goes back to you, yeah?” Olivia rolled over onto her side, waking from her brief nap.

“Rafa?” She stretched, taking the hat off her head.

“Oh—who this beauty? You have sister?”

“Mmm, no.” He glances down at Olivia longingly. “We’re just hanging out—playing it by ear.” She whacked him on the shoulder.

“We’re a little more than that since you proposed last night!”

“I must still be in shock that you said yes.”

“Oh? You two here together?” His eyes fell.

“I honestly thought he was gonna wait fourteen years to pop the question.”

“With your commitment and label issues? I was deeply considering, never asking.” He shrugged, getting lost in their banter he nearly forgot the buff home wrecker standing over them. Rafael flopped on his belly next to Olivia, kissing her heated shoulder.

“You’re lucky I said yes.”

“Luckiest man alive.”

“Can I interest you in scuba? Free! Celebration!”

“Claude...I didn’t want to before. I sure as hell don’t want to now.” He rolled his eyes, practically dismissing the Frenchman.

“How ‘bout the pretty lady?”

“Claude, even though I trust this beautiful woman implicitly, explicitly, through and through, with my _entire being_ I would never let her near the likes of you. Not even with a hundred-yardstick.”

“Fair.”

“In fact, the only reason I don’t have her shoot you is because if you didn’t fuck my ex-wife I never would’ve met, Olivia. So actually, maybe I owe you a thank you, for saving me from a lifetime of misery.” He smiled at the sunburnt Frenchman.

“Really? Ninja? You forgive me?” Tears spring to his eyes.

“As long as you stay the hell away from me and my fiancée. I forgive you.” Olivia rolls over onto her back, Rafael following suit. She moved her sunglasses to the tip of her nose taking in the blonde’s full aspect. Olivia scowled, sizing him up before sighing.

“I don’t see it.”

“See what?” Rafael propped himself up on his elbows.

“What the hell she saw in _that_ , that was worth losing _you_ over.” Olivia shrugged as Rafael sat up. “Her loss is my gain.” She purred, climbing on top of her fiancé. Heated skin against burning flesh. The softness of lips against the bite of the liquor and sugary piña colada’s still lingering on their tongues. His tongue slips inside her mouth, gentle yet demanding, swirling about to capture the essence of rum compounding the everlasting taste of Olivia soon to be Barba.

This kiss felt like nothing they’ve ever experienced—he felt closer to her than he had ever before under a watchful gaze. It evidently became obvious to them as to why some described kissing as _melting_. Every square inch of her body dissolved into his. Her fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer. His veins throb with a wanting of closeness he was unsure could ever be achieved. He pushed the straps of her bikini top, fiddling for skin on skin as his already barren chest yearned for the feel of her hardened nipples pressed into his over-sensitized skin.

Making out in front of the man who ruined his marriage—who had given him the greatest gift of all; a heartbreak that led to this.

_To her._

_To his Olivia._

Bestowed upon him a feeling so riveting, enticing, all-consuming, it overwhelmed him with gratefulness.

Claude had given him this—he couldn’t hate the man. He pitied him, a prowess who believed he could have anyone he wanted—who had conquered and bedded a newlywed woman—he couldn’t afford the greatest gift of all.

Olivia Benson was _his_ and _only his._ And for that, Rafael Barba was smug. Claude would never know the taste of Olivia, would never feel the comforting edge of her protection, he could only feel the wrath of her protective nature, never would he know the bounds of endless unconditional love from a woman so guarded and hardened by a world out to get her that every ounce of love she felt coursing through her veins washed over him in an abundance.

Claude would never know the love of Olivia Benson, and for Rafael—that was revenge enough.

“If you’re still there, _ogling_ Joq-de-six-pack, you can fuck off now.” She mumbled against her lover’s lips.

“God, I love you.” He all but moaned into the crook of her neck.

“I know.” She cupped his chin between her fingers pulling his lips back onto hers, as the shadows towering over them descended the shore. The silence was deafening before she broke it with words that stole the breath straight from his lungs. “Put a baby in me,” she mumbled against his lips.

“Liv?”

“Rafa?”

“What’d you just say?”

“Put a baby in me?”

“Put a baby in you?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Where is this coming from?”

“We’ve been together for three years, we live together, we’re engaged? I talk to your grandparents more than you do—abuelita never misses an opportunity to ask me when am I going to give her nietos.”

“So...you want to have a baby with me so my abuela can shut up?” The defensiveness is evident in his voice.

“No, I want to have a baby with you because I want to have _your_ baby.” She cupped his face staring intently into his eyes, “I want to start a family with you. Isn’t that usually how these things go?”

“I, uh...guess it is.”

“So what are you waiting for? Fuck me on this beautiful tropic island until there’s a baby in me.”

“We’re back to vulgar language again?”

“It’ll never go away.”

“I’ll never get used to it.”

“Enough banter.” Her eyes peer past his greens and into his soul, he felt the finality of the moment. “Make love to me, Rafa?”

“You never have to ask twice.”

Rafael swooped his wife to be in his arms bridal style, stumbling onto his feet.

“The room keys!” She rolled her eyes, locking her arms around his neck, as he stepped away from her beach bag that held the key card to their suite.

“Oh?” He raised a single eyebrow. “How the tables have turned.” He chuckled.

“Jokes, but I’m still not being fuc—“ a burning green glare met her giggly browns. “Hope when I’m your wife, you won’t keep me waiting this long.” He covered her mouth with his thin lips to silence her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so much fun writing this fic, it actually breaks my heart that this journey is over. I hope you all enjoyed this ride as much as I did. Chapter 1, 20. and 21 (yes the epilogue) were all written the same day the idea came to me and were of course edited to fit the route the fic took. This was always how I intended to end this story (as it is based on a movie), but somehow it doesn't feel enough. I don't know if I have the heart to never toy with this universe again, I may write a one-shot for behind the yellow tape using this universe as my inspiration.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, may 2021 bring us inspiration, motivation, and most importantly—Barson!


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